Email: Jo@ram32.freeserve.co.uk
Category: Humour. Kinda.
Spoilers: None.
Season: Six or seven.
Summary: Sam Carter. Jack O'Neill. Sara O'Neill. The morning
after.
Archive: SJD, Random Ramblings, anywhere else let me know.
Disclaimer: Jack, Sam and Sara aren't mine. They belong to
TPTB. If I did own them, this would probably be a lot funnier because it'd be
on the TV screen instead of on the monitor in front of you <- ditto, though
I'd like to add my sense of humour is strange. As in very.
Authors Notes/Second Disclaimer: I wasn't intending on
posting the first fic but then I was talking to a friend and she said it made
her smile and suggested a sequel so.. Here we are now.
*big big hugs*
=*=
Noise. Persistent noise. Shrill in pitch, loud in volume.
The phone.
Right.
Still ringing.
Oh, yeah. She had to answer it to make it stop.
Answering meant moving.
Her choices were move and make the noise shut up or stay
where she was (cocooned under the thick comforter on her bed) and hope it went
away.
For a few blissful moments, silence fell in the apartment.
Then it started ringing again.
With a groan, Sam Carter pushed the blankets to one side,
reaching out with bleary eyes for the phone that should've been on the small
table beside her bed.
Her hand grasped the receiver two seconds before she
toppled out of bed having leant a little too far over the edge.
"Ow, shit!" was the way she greeted her caller.
"Carter?" The concerned albeit amused voice of
her commanding officer came out of the receiver. "You okay?"
Oops. Swearing down the phone to your commanding officer =
a bad idea. "Sorry, Sir," feeling sorry for herself, Sam yanked on
the comforter and wrapped it around herself. Climbing back up on the bed would
take too much effort. Her head was pounding, her tongue felt like sandpaper and
all she wanted to do was sleep until she stopped feeling like crap. "Is
something wrong on base?"
"Nope." He chuckled into the phone, making her
frown in annoyance. "Nothing's wrong as far as I know."
"Then can I ask why you're calling?" Her clipped
tone verged on being uncivil. Why in Gods name was she on the phone to him if
nothing was wrong? Didn't he realised all she wanted to do was spend the day in
bed, asleep?
There was a slight pause on the other end of the phone but
she could hear the grin he wore when he answered her question. "Just doing
my duty and making sure you're okay, Major. I imagine you're feeling pretty
rough this morning. Thought I'd check you weren't feeling too sorry for
yourself."
Grinding her teeth together as she curled up in as tight a
ball as she could manage, wishing the floor would warm up soon, Sam shut her
eyes and willed herself to stay calm – and awake. "I'm fine, Sir. Thank
you for asking. Though why you think I'd be anything other than okay is beyond
me. Now if that's all.."
"You don't remember, do you?"
The smugness in his tone brought her up short.
"Remember what?" Her eyes open and narrowed, Sam
found herself searching her memory for any hint of what he was talking about.
She had to keep herself from whimpering when the attempt only made her head –
and the room – spin a little more.
"Last night." His voice was starting to grate on
her nerves. "The bar? You and Sara?"
Frowning, Sam tucked her head close to her chest and tried
to quell the queasiness brought on by the room refusing to stay still. How, she
wondered, could she politely tell her CO to shut up and go away? "How do
you know about Sara?"
At that moment in time, Colonel Jack O'Neill's laughter was
right up there with the most annoying sounds she had ever heard.
"Sara O'Neill. My ex-wife?" His laugher gave way
to amused tone that she found just as annoying as the smug tone and the
chuckle.
Why was everything about him annoying her today? And what
the hell was he on about?
Her befuddled brain slowly put two and two together.
"Sara's your ex-wife?" She gingerly eased her
eyes open, unable to stifle a small moan when the room still spun with her in
its centre. "Did I know that?"
"You found out last night, apparently, though I'm not
convinced you didn't know before that." He sounded more concerned than
amused. It was still annoying. "Are you sure you're okay, Carter? You
sound.. rough.."
'I have the hangover from hell and on top of that you're
playing cryptic mind games and expecting me to know what in Gods name you're
going on about. How am I supposed to sound?'
She couldn't say that. Not to her CO. She'd have to think
of something else..
"I have the hangover from hell and on top of that
you're playing cryptic mind games and expecting me to know what in Gods name
you're going on about. How am I supposed to sound?"
Oops. Too late.
Grumbling again, Sam prayed to whatever God was listening
that the ground would open up and swallow her whole. At least until she was
feeling more like herself and less like.. like an idiot with a hangover.
"Ouch. Hit a sore spot, Carter?" He was grinning
again.
She knew it. At that moment in time there was nothing she
wanted more than to say something that would wipe it off his face.
Unfortunately, her infamous brain deserted her and nothing came to mind.
A low growl was the only sound she could make.
"How did you get home, Sam?" The change in
conversation startled her into silence. "Think about that and I'll call
you later."
"What the.."
The phone went dead before she could finish. Before she
could *think* about what she was going to say to finish.
What did he mean, think about how she got home? What did it
have to do with him? It was none of his business how..
Hang on.
How *did* she get home?
Still on the floor, Sam let the hand holding the receiver
fall limply to the floor.
"Oh, my God."
=*=
She still hadn't recovered from the surprise by one o'clock
that afternoon when she arrived at the small café in the mall where she'd
agreed to meet Sara for a late lunch.
Her friend had phoned two hours after the Colonel, asking
whether she remembered Jack showing up or if it was something Sara's alcohol
influenced brain had conjured up to confuse her?
Following the invite to lunch to talk about what they
individually remembered, Sam had called Doctor Janet Fraiser at the SGC,
refusing to hang up until her friend had a)stopped laughing and b)promised she
would never ever let Sam go out on a girls night without being there to make
sure nothing potentially embarrassing happened.
Sitting at the table in the corner of the small café, she
took comfort in the knowledge that Sara was faring just well – just as badly –
as she herself was.
"He was really there, wasn't he?" Sam asked after
the waitress brought over their coffee and left them two menus to contemplate.
Nothing grabbed her attention but then her stomach was still rolling unevenly.
"And he's really your ex? The one you've told me so much about?"
"Yep." Stirring the coffee in front of her and
then settling the spoon down without actually drinking it, Sara couldn't keep a
small smile from playing about her lips. "I can't believe my ex-husband is
the Colonel I've heard so much about."
Sam snorted and busied herself by picking up her coffee,
wincing when the first sip proved it was too hot to drink. "I can't
believe neither of us realised sooner. I mean, how many Colonel Jack O'Neill's
can there be?" She reconsidered her statement and rolled her eyes.
"Okay, so there's two at the SGC but that's besides the point. How many
Jack O'Neill's in Colorado have an ex-wife called Sara? I even met you before
we became friends and I still didn't put two and two together."
"Don't feel so bad," Sara comforted her,
concealing another smile with her own coffee cup. Her mind was still whirling
with the thought that she now knew who the CO Sam and Janet had spent many a
nights talking about was – and that she was in a very good position to add to
those discussions on Sam's possible future relationship with him. The very
thought made her laugh. All those times she'd listened to her friends tell her
about the Colonel and never once had she imagined him to be her ex-husband!
"I didn't recognise you, either. And I should have. Jack's mentioned you
and your teammates more than once."
"I don't think I want to know." Almost pouting,
Sam crossed her arms over her chest and viewed her friend through hooded eyes.
"Is this going to change things between us now? Because we know things we
probably wouldn't have told each other had we realised sooner.."
"Are you asking me if I still want to be your
friend?" Putting her coffee down, Sara grinned widely. "Isn't that a
bit.. high school? I mean, I know you like him and everything but whatever Jack
and I had is so completely in the past.."
A glare silenced her. Sam glanced nervously around the
café, lowering her voice. "Shh. I didn't mean it like that. I meant.. God,
I don't know what I meant! But is this going to make things awkward? Knowing..
what we know now."
"Not on my part, maybe on yours and Jacks.. "
The grin was still there and it was starting to annoy Sam
just as much as the Colonel's had earlier on in the day. More annoying was the
urge to return the grin with one of her own.
As weird as it was to know who Sara was, it was also
vaguely amusing to see her in this new light.
Shaking her head, Sam picked up her coffee and timidly
sipped it again, pleased to find it had cooled to a reasonable temperature. She
was still sipping when Sara decided to bring up another point to the
conversation.
"So what do you think happened between you last night?
I mean, I know he took you home.. What happened next?" Sara's blue eyes
sparkled mischievously. "How did he get you into bed?"
Spluttering, Sam very nearly choked on her coffee. Glaring
at her friend as she mopped up the mess she'd made, she tried to slide down in
her seat to avoid the curious stares of the cafés other patrons.
"Sara!"
"What?" Still grinning inanely, Sara shrugged
innocently. "It's a valid question! What did happen?"
"I really wish I could answer that but I can't."
Sighing deeply, Sam shook her head and tapped her fingers against the china
cup. "I don't remember when the last time I drank so much I forgot what
happened. I remember everything until we got to that bar. I don't even remember
the name of the place!"
"I can't say I'm surprised – or that I'm any
different." Sara closed her eyes briefly and took a moment to savour the
taste of her coffee. After the morning she'd had, the creamy coffee was the
closet thing to heaven she'd tasted. "We started early, though. And I
remember there were eight of us out last night until they all went home and we
decided we'd move on to a couple more places."
Nodding solemnly, regretting the decision, Sam sighed
again. "We should've stopped at a few more places instead of going to six
of them. Never again, okay? We'll never do this again."
"Never, ever again." Sara opened her eyes and
then closed them again quickly. Opening them for a second time, she smiled
brightly and nudged Sam's foot under the table. "Don't look now but I
think we're about to get some company." The words had her friend raising
an eyebrow and the reaction made her smile grow. "In the form of the one
and only Colonel O'Neill."
"Oh, for.." Sam fought the urge to let her head
fall down against the table and pasted a bright smile onto her face just as the
man in question cleared his throat and let his presence be known.
"Colonel. Sir. What a pleasant surprise."
"Hey, Carter. Sara." Nodding a greeting, still
grinning, Jack helped himself to the third seat at the table, helping himself
to one of the menus the two women had discarded. "Are we having lunch?"
Exchanging glances, Sara and Sam fixed him with a
disbelieving stare. "Aren't you supposed to wait till we invite you,
Jack?"
"Since when have I waited for an invitation?"
Grinning charmingly at his former wife, Jack turned his attention back to the menu,
stretching his legs out under the table. He'd never imagined he would be
sitting at a table with these two women feeling as though he had the upper
hand. "I wasn't planning on joining you for lunch but I saw you sitting
here and thought I'd make sure you weren't feeling too bad. Both of you."
"We're fine, thank you," it was all Sam could do
to keep her voice curt. "I am curious as to how you found us, Sir."
"Yeah, you're not stalking one of us, are you?"
Sara winked at Sam when she noticed Jack's attention was focused elsewhere.
"Not at all. I was just passing by.." Lifting his
shoulders in a casual shrug, Jack tried not to concentrate on the feeling that
his upper hand was rapidly slipping away. "And I was hoping you could
answer a question or two for me. Like how do you two know each other and did
you really not know who the other was?"
Rolling her eyes, Sam decided to follow Sara's example and
try to salvage some of her reputation at the same time as having some fun. So
what if she had to see him on a daily basis? Her brain was recovering nicely
and recalling many of the things Sara had told her about her ex that the
Colonel certainly wouldn't want spreading around the base, something he would
never *ever* want the marines on SG-3 to find out about. "Whether you
believe it or not, Sir, not every conversation we have includes you."
His eyes locked on hers, his smile still there. "Ah,
so you're admitting some conversations *have* been about me?"
"Yes, although I'll also admit I didn't know it at the
time." She glanced away from him and met Sara's approving gaze.
"Though I will say some of the stories Sara told me about her ex are a lot
more credible now I know it's you she was talking about."
"Ah.." Glancing at his ex, Jack arched an
eyebrow. "We'll talk about another time, Sara."
Sara smiled sweetly and sipped her coffee. "Maybe. I'd
be much more interested in finding out what happened after you took Sam home
last nigh. She conveniently doesn't remember anything between you turning up at
the bar and waking up this morning in bed. Care to fill us in on any details,
Jack?"
Willing himself not to blush at the insinuation, Jack
cleared his throat and focused once again on the menu in front of him, no
longer paying attention to what the words said. "I was a perfect
gentleman, thank you very much. Carter fell asleep in the truck on the way to
her place."
"Ahh.. So she fell asleep." The smile she wore
turned decidedly wicked. "So tell us, Jack, how did Sam get from being
asleep in your truck to being in bed this morning? Until you so rudely woke her
up anyway."
His comfort levels dropping to his shoes, Jack fought the
urge to squirm under the curious gaze of his Second and the smug gaze of his
wife. "I carried her in, okay? She was asleep and she wouldn't wake up and
I had absolutely no intention of letting her drool all over the seat all
night."
"Why, thank you, Sir, for being so considerate."
Trying to keep the smile off her face, Sam bit down on her bottom lip, doing
her best *not* to imagine him carrying her into her house. What would her
neighbours think, assuming any of them had been awake to witness it? "And
for your information, I don't drool."
"For your information, you do." Deciding that was
the end of that conversation, Jack glanced between the two women,
second-guessing the wisdom in his decision to join them. "And you still
haven't told me how you two met since you obviously don't remember each other
from.. before."
Sam and Sara glanced at each other again. Sam nodded
slowly, giving Sara the go ahead to share the story with Jack.
"We met just over three years ago in a bar." Sara
answered calmly. "Both of us were very unhappy, drinking alone.. We got
talking and found out we had some things in common – other than you – and spent
the night talking at Sam's place. We've kept in touch ever since."
"That's the short version, right?" Jack looked
between them and got the feeling there was much more to the story than they
were telling him. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to.."
Sam took a deep breath and glanced down at her coffee.
"We were.. It was a hard time for both of us, Sir. Sara was going through
a rough time at work and I.. It was a tough time at work for me, Sir. It was
when.. It was when a close friend of mine died. My father's colleague."
"Ah." Jack nodded slowly, his gaze intense as he
stared at her. Martouf. Zatarc testing. Right. "Okay. I get it." He
sat back in his chair, desperately searching his mind for a way to lighten the
mood that had descended over them. "So.. Are you absolutely positively
sure you didn't know who each other was?"
"Positive, Sir. Honest. I promise." Sam smiled
slightly, her eyes still averted. She glanced up when Sara brushed her foot
under the table and mouthed 'are you okay?'
"We had a blond moment when we met, Jack," Sara
joined in, smiling when Sam answered in the affirmative to her silent question.
"That's the only thing that would explain it."
Sam matched the smile with one of her own. "It was a
really, really long blond moment."
"Two really long blond moments," Sara chimed in
again, the two women sharing a grin, trying to look serious when Jack sighed
heavily. "We could stop seeing each other if you like," she added
sweetly.
Snorting, Sam had to stare down at the tabletop to stop
herself from laughing.
"Really?" His tone dubious, Jack glanced from one
woman to the other. "Somehow I don't believe that."
"Good!" Sara finished the rest of her coffee and
winked at Sam when her friend had composed herself enough to look up.
"Because we're not really going to stop. It's fun. And things have
definitely just got a lot more interesting."
Jack could only roll his eyes when the two women shared a
knowing look and started giggling. Interesting was one way to look at it, he
supposed.
Damn frightening was another.
=*=
The End.