Near Yet Far – Parts 13 - 15

~*~
Part Thirteen
~*~
“ Spend all your time waiting, for that second chance
For a break that would make it okay.
There's always one reason to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day.”
~ ‘Angel’, Sarah McLachlan
~*~

She spent the day trying to convince anyone she could of Jack’s innocence. Sam tried continuously to get to see him but she was constantly turned away and told by the guards that the prisoner was forbidden from seeing anyone till the morning of his execution. No matter how hard she tried to convince them it was important she talk to him, they treated her as though she were a child, putting her desperation down to the hysteria of a bereaved wife.

Daniel, Teal’c and Janet were still confined to their rooms and she was told she couldn’t see them either. The King himself ordered her to stay away from them, telling her softly that her interference would make things worse. The only thing he would allow her to do was sit and wait; there was nothing he could or would do to prevent the execution from taking place.

That was why Sam spent the night sitting at the window in her room, watching the sky intently, waiting for the sun to put in an appearance. In the seconds the sky started to get lighter, Sam pulled a shawl around her shoulders to fight off the early morning chill and made her way to the building Jack was being held in.

Somewhat reluctantly, the guards let her pass. She was escorted down to Jack’s cell where her heart skipped a beat at seeing his prone figure lying awkwardly on the cold floor.

“ Leave us.” She ordered the guard, waiting until he did as she asked before crouching down to be nearer to Jack. “ Colonel,” she called out softly, slipping a hand between the metal bars. “ Sir!” There was still no response and she was alarmed when her hand came into contact with the clammy skin of his forehead. “ Jack!” She cried out desperately, her voice growing louder. “ Wake up!”

“ Sam?” Disorientated, Jack sat up abruptly, her hand falling from his face. “ Carter?” He blinked groggily and turned to see her as she stood up. “ You’re really here?”

“ Yes.” She gave him a sad smile, clutching the bars between them with both of her hands. The small smile disappeared as a tear ran down her cheek. “ I’m so sorry, Colonel. I had no idea it would turn out like this.”

“ Hey.” He put his hand through the bars to catch her tear, his hand lingering at her face. “ It’s not your fault.” Is expression became troubled as he searched her face for something. “ You believe me, don’t you? That I’m innocent? I didn’t kill Prince Taylin, I swear..”

“ I believe you,” she assured him quickly. “ Your innocence was never in question.” She leaned into his hand, letting out a shaky breath. “ I tried to get you a trial and I tried to convince the King and Lord Akima you didn’t kill Taylin but they wouldn’t believe me. I can’t even get to the others because they’re being watched by armed guards until.. until your..”

“ Execution,” he finished for her. “ Yeah. I know. One of the guards told me.” He looked around the cell. “ No sign of any light in here. How much longer have I got?”

“ Not long,” she admitted hoarsely. “ They wouldn’t let me see you till first light. You *should* be executed at dawn but because it’s Prince Taylin.. They’re going to make a public example of you. In just over an hour, you’ll be taken outside to the gallows in the city centre by horse and cart.” She closed her eyes tightly. “ They’re going to.. to hang you in front of everyone as an example of what happens to murderers.”

“ Ya know I hate it when people make an example of me,” he joked lamely. She didn’t even try to crack a smile. “ Oh, come on. It wasn’t that bad.”

“ What are we going to do?” She asked desolately. “ No one will believe me when I tell them you didn’t do it.”

“ Then you don’t do anything,” Jack told her firmly. “ You wait till the others are free to go and you leave with them.”

“ You don’t understand. They won’t be allowed out of their rooms until you’re dead!” She exclaimed, dismissing the idea. Jack didn’t say anything else, he just looked at her, nodding when her eyes widened in shock. “ You’re saying we let you die? That I sit by and watch..”

Caressing her cheek with his thumb, he nodded. “ I can’t see another way out of this. It was going to be hard enough getting you out of here when you were married to that guy.. Now I’m being accused of his murder.. The only good think I can think of coming from this is you using this distraction to get the Hell out of here.”

“ No.” Sam closed her eyes, refusing to even contemplate it. “ I won’t let you die just as I wouldn’t let Evelyn stay with that bastard. There has to be a way out of this, I won’t accept that there isn’t.”

“ Please, Sam.” He tried appealing to her. “ I made a vow to myself that I would get you home. Please help me keep it by going back with the others.”

“ Not without you,” she responded immediately, covering his hand with hers. “ You wouldn’t have left without me and I’m not leaving without you. We’ll find a way out of this. We always do, right?”

“ I hope so,” he smiled weakly. “ But if we can’t.. Promise me you’ll leave?”

Sam shook her head. “ I’m not making a promise I can’t keep.”

They lapsed into silence, both of them moving their hands to the bars, with his covering hers. Moving closer to the bars that divided them, he leaned down and brushed her knuckles with his lips. Surprised, Sam looked up and into his eyes.

“ Yesterday, you said something about not wanting to stay around in the mornings in case we had time to think about regrets,” Jack murmured. “ If I do die, I will have some regrets.”

“ Oh?” She met his gaze, her curiosity irked. “ What kind of regrets?”

“ I regret ever letting you be taken from us in the first place on P6Y331. I regret not being there to stop that creep from kidnapping you and taking you to Belethia. I regret not finding you sooner, before you got too attached to the people here, before you started to think of Velenthia as your home.” He took a deep breath and looked anywhere but at her. “ I regret not saying things I should have said a long time ago.”

“ What kind of things?” Sam stared at him, her heart pounding in her chest as he slowly brought his eyes to rest back on her face. “ Colonel?”

“ Sam.” He moved one of his hands back to her face as he gazed deeply into her eyes. “ One of my biggest regrets would be not telling you how I feel about you, and not doing anything about it.” His other hand moved to the other side of her face, telling himself this was it, it was now or never. “ It’s too late to do anything about it. I can’t.. *show*.. you I feel.. But I can still tell you.”

They were so caught up in their conversation that they were obvious to the fact they were no longer alone. In the shadows, Lord Jalen hid, listening to every word intently. On the steps leading down into the cell area, the King stood, leaning heavily on Nicholi for support, both of them listening to what was being confessed.

“ Colonel.. Jack..” Sam pleaded with her eyes. “ Don’t do this.. Don’t act like this is it.. This *can’t* be it.. I can’t..”

“ This is my last chance, Sam,” he murmured, his eyes sad and serious. “ I honestly can’t see us getting out of this one. SG-1’s luck has to run out eventually, this is it. But I’ll be damned if I let some dead guy take this away from me.”  Swallowing his nerves, he took a deep breath. “ I told you before than I care about you.. A lot more than I’m supposed to.. I care about you a lot more than that, Sam. Somewhere along the line, even though you are a scientist.. I started to.. Damn it.”

“ Just say it, Jack,” she urged him softly, not entirely sure she was ready to hear what he had to say. “ Please.”

“ I love you, Samantha Carter.” He told her quietly, his voice more serious than she had ever heard it to be. Wiping her tears away with his thumbs, he continued, telling himself he’d started so he might as well finish. “ It doesn’t matter whether you’re being the Major or the Doctor or just the woman.. I love all of you.”

“ I love you, too,” she admitted, giving up in her battle to stop her tears. “ I can’t let you die, Colonel. Not now, not ever.”

“ There’s nothing you can do.” He took a deep breath and withdrew one of his hands, unable to pull back the other as she held on to it. “ Like you told me yesterday.. It’s time to let go and move on with our lives. You’ll be moving on with yours on Earth.. I’ll probably end up somewhere *really* hot.”

Smiling, Sam rolled her eyes. “ You won’t end up somewhere really hot. You’re not going to be anywhere but home. I just need to think of something. And fast. I don’t think we’ve got much time left and I don’t think I can count on the guys to help me since they’re confined to their rooms.”

“ Samantha.” The King made his presence known and Sam stepped away from Jack guiltily. He nodded to Jack in acknowledgment. “ I’m sorry to have our alliance end in this way, Colonel. These developments will mean there is no trade, of course.”

“ Of course,” Jack agreed sardonically.

“ Samantha, we must be going now.” The King stared at her expectantly. “ I will not pretend I approved of your marriage to my son nor will I pretend I approved of his behaviour in general. But he was still my son and no matter how much this man means to you, I cannot spare his life.”

“ She isn’t expecting you to,” Jack spoke up from behind her before she had the chance. “ But the least you could do is let her go back to Earth to tell my family the news.”

The King frowned. “ I cannot allow that, Colonel. If I did, she would never return.”

“ That was the plan,” Jack muttered under his breath.

“ Samantha, we have to go.” The King ordered her sternly. “ Say goodbye to Colonel O’Neill. There is nothing more you can do for him.”

Turning back to face him, Sam leaned her forehead against the bars as Jack did the same thing, reaching for each other’s hands as their breath intermingled. “ Jack, I..”

“ I know,” Jack murmured reassuringly. “ I know.” He grasped her face with his hands and moved closer. Getting as close as they could get, their eyes slid shut as their lips brushed together between the bars, the first and last kiss they had shared without the involvement of alien viruses, alternate realities and time loops. It was short but tender, awkward but made memorable by the taste of tears. “ Now you have to go. When they’re going to.. Close your eyes. I don’t want you seeing that.” He held onto her hand as she turned to leave. “ Promise me, Sam,” he said in a low voice only she could hear. “ Promise you’ll go home.”

“ I promise,” Sam murmured, forcing a reassuring smile as she stepped away out of arms reach, only to be swept away from him by the King. She held his gaze for as long as she could, looking back over her shoulder, their eyes locked as they said their silent goodbyes.

~*~

Almost every citizen of Velenthia was assembled around the gallows. Jack swallowed nervously as he knelt in the back of the cart, his head lowered as he struggled to loosen the ties that bound his hands behind his back.

He could hear their whispers but couldn’t make out their words. He could see the many expressions scattered throughout the sea of faces he passed. Some were disbelieving, some were angry. Some were sad, some were sympathetic. He knew he wouldn’t be able to find the faces of his friends, knowing they were confined to their rooms in the palace at the other end of the city, knowing they wouldn’t be able to help rescue him, not this time.

He did search, however, for the one face in the crowd he knew would be there. The one person he knew without a doubt believed him. He didn’t see her until the cart slowed to a halt and two sturdy guards roughly hauled him out of it. He was being led up to the gallows when he caught a glimpse of her, sitting beside the King, dressed all in black, the colour making her appear too pale and too thin. Her eyes met his and he saw a tear run down her cheek, her eyes red from crying.

‘I love you,’ he mouthed as he took the last step, onto the wooden block that would soon be kicked from underneath his feet. The weak smile she gave him in response told him all he needed to know: his feelings were returned.

He took a deep breath as he heard the drum roll, closing his eyes as he waited for it to come, knowing without looking that Sam had done the same thing, following his orders right down to the last.

“ Stop!” His eyes snapped open to find Lord Jalen standing on the steps, bowing to the King. “ I beg of you, your Majesty. Please do no let this man suffer for the work of another.”

“ What are you talking about, Lord Jalen?” The King was weary, exhausted by the chain of events that had started with SG-1 gating through to Velenthia. “ Do you have evidence this man is innocent?”

“ No, my Grace,” Lord Jalen bowed again. He straightened and stared accusingly at Sam. “ But it is my belief that Colonel O’Neill, or whomever the guilty party is, can not be held accountable for his actions. I believe the murderer was under the influence of witchcraft.” His statement was met by startled gasps and exclamations of surprise, much to his pleasure. His eyes landed on Sam’s face and he smirked. “ My King, great people of Velenthia, there is a witch amongst us. A witch who has used her charm, beauty and power to fool us all. I believe she has bewitched everyone, including you, Your Highness.”

“ And who,” the King asked with narrowed eyes. “ Do you believe to be this witch?”

Attempting to look sympathetic, Jalen wiped the smirk from his face. “ It pains me to accuse her, your Highness, as I know how fond you are. I believe Samantha, the courtesan you have protected and welcomed into your family, has been deceiving you. She has bewitched us all. I have found myself on the receiving end of her charms, so enchanted by her that I resorted to violence. The witch is Samantha Carter, my King. She is responsible for the death of your son, her own husband, and therefore Colonel O’Neill does not deserve to suffer.”

Paranoia, hysteria and outrage were rife. The people of Velenthia all spoke and shouted at once. Fearing for Sam’s safety, the King had her escorted back to the palace, telling Lords Akima and Davin to arrange for Lord Jalen to follow them to the palace, needing to learn all he could about Jalen’s accusations and the reasons behind them.

Jack was taken back to the cart, led by the guards who were obviously as confused as he was. After another bumpy cart ride, he found himself back in the cold cell he thought he’d never see again. Sighing heavily, he sat on the bench once they untied his hands and closed his eyes, resting his head against the wall.

He hoped Jalen’s accusations would be discovered to be unfounded.

The last thing he wanted was for Sam to die a pointless death as well.

~*~

A small collection of Velenthians were escorted to the meeting hall in the palace, including Evelyn and the Kavise family. The King and his Lords and advisors were already there, as was Lord Jalen. Sam was conspicuously absent, the King having decided it would be safer for her to stay in her room under the watchful eye of Karalynn until the city had reached an agreement.

“ People of Velenthia,” the King started, standing with Lord Davin’s help. “ We are here because Lord Jalen has made a serious accusation against my son’s widow, Samantha. It is our hope that by the end of this meeting, you, the people, will have helped us decide whether Lord Jalen should be believed or accused of duplicity.” The King gave Jalen a short nod. “ Lord Jalen, if you would please stand and state your case.”

“ Certainly, your Majesty.” Lord Jalen got to his feet and stood before them all, standing in the centre of the crowded room. “ How many people in his room have encountered Samantha? How many of us remember her arrival to our world?” There were murmurs and nods so he continued. “ I put it to you that she is a witch. This.. accusation.. was not easy for me to make. I know Samantha has won over a great many of you with her sweet nature and innocent beauty. I stand here before you, as a fellow Velenthian, and ask you to think back to when you first met her.” He paused for dramatic effect. “ Samantha.. She is not one of us. We do not know where she came from or why she was sent here. All we really know is that since she arrived in our city, we have all been taken with her, myself included. Women of Velenthia, have you not noticed the way your husband’s eyes follow her every move as she walks by? Have you not seen responsible, respectable men reduced to physical fighting simply because of her presence? It is more than her beauty that drives us all to this, to act.. unlike our true selves. It is witchery. Samantha has cast a spell over us all and we must not let her trickery continue.”

“ Do you have proof, Lord Jalen, that what you claim is true?” Lady Hillcross asked once Jalen had finished his spiel. “ I myself have spent time with Samantha. I do not wish to believe your claims.”

“ My Lady,” Lord Jalen bowed graciously. “ None of us wish to believe there is a witch in our midst but cast your mind back to the way the people of Velenthia have been behaving since she arrived. There is as air of mystery surrounding her that appeals to us all. It is this air of mystery that leads me to believe she is more than a simple woman. No one here can explain the words she uses or the attitude she has towards us. She is far more outspoken than a woman should be, her words unsuitable and offensive at times. A witch would have no cause to fear the reactions of those around her. She would have the power to control them. A normal woman would be warier about what words she spoke in public.”

“ You have not answered my question,” Lady Hillcross insisted. “ I ask you, have you any evidence to support your theory that Samantha is a witch?”

“ I have only the knowledge of my own personal infatuation with her, my Lady,” Jalen bowed his head. “ I have only witnessed the evidence in the behaviour of yourself and your fellow Lords and Ladies. I have seen it in the King, throughout her time here. She has affected him greatly and taken the place of our beloved Queen in his heart through no fault of his own. He is a victim, as much of a victim as his tragic son.”

Taking a few moments, Lord Jalen bowed his head, letting his grief at the death of Prince Taylin be witnessed by the people of Velenthia who were acting as his jury. He played on their own anger and pain at their Prince's murder, manipulating their feelings and directing their resentment at an innocent party.

“ I was close to Prince Taylin, as many of you know,” Lord Jalen stated. " He was a close, personal friend whom I loved dearly. I loved him like a brother. He was taken from us before his time in a malicious attack, an attack I believe was orchestrated by the very woman he loved and chose to spend eternity with. I believe that while Colonel O'Neill may have murdered our Prince, he was not able to control his actions and therefore should be relieved of responsibility from them. He was acting under the guidance of a very deceptive, very strong witch with whom I am certain he was intimate with. Your Highness, you can support my claim, can't you? Colonel O'Neill and Samantha were.. very close, were they not?”

Reluctantly, the King nodded. “ I sent Samantha to tend to Colonel O'Neill. She has spent many hours in his company. I did not enquire over what occurred in that time.”

“ I would never presume you would, your Majesty.” Jalen appeared insulted at the insinuation. “ My friends,” he addressed the crowd of people standing before him, his back to the King. “ The facts have been put before you. It is now your decision between a fellow Velenthian or a woman who is a stranger to us all.”

The people conferred amongst themselves, discussing in low murmurs and whispers what they believed to be true and who they decided to back: Lord Jalen, or a woman who wasn't there to defend herself.

“ It is true the men have been acting strange since she arrived.”

“ The King has been doting on her.”

“ She is a witch! She has fooled us all!”

“ She must die for her crimes. Witches must be burnt at the stake as they were in the life-cycles of our Grandfathers!”

“ What about Colonel O'Neill? Should he die or should we let him go free?”

“ Colonel O'Neill should die with her! The witch and the murderer!”

“ Down with them both!”

“ He was acting under her powers! He cannot be held accountable for something he did not know he was doing!”

“ Colonel O'Neill should be sent from this place and returned to his home world!”

“ Should Samantha not be granted the same fate?”

“ She is a witch! Witches must die!”

“ I do not believe she is a witch!”

“ It is witchcraft, can you not see? She is controlling you and telling you to doubt Sir Jalen's claims!”

“ He is a Velenthian. He has proven his loyalty to us throughout his life-cycles.”

“ He was a dear friend of Prince Taylin..”

“ The witch is a stranger to us! We must destroy her before she can kill again!”

The outcries continued until the majority of the room were in favour of condemning Sam to death, prepared to believe she was a witch and had caused the death of the Prince. The room remained divided, however, on whether or not Jack should die at her side. There were those who believed he was an innocent, as much of a victim as the King and the Prince. There were those who believed he was her accomplice and had known what he had been doing at the time of Prince Taylin's death.

No one suspected the real murderer. Lord Jalen was going to get away with his crime, and his revenge. The thought that he could be responsible never crossed their minds.

Watching his people come to their decision, the King felt his heart painfully break. He could not bring himself to believe Samantha was a witch, not when he had grown so close to her and learnt so much about her. He had spent many hours in her company, he had comforted her and sought comfort in return. He could not believe there was anything malevolent within her but he knew he would have no choice but to adhere to the wishes of his people.

“ You cannot sentence Samantha or Colonel O'Neill to death!” The voice came from the back of the room and the person who spoke stepped forward. Nicholi, with carefully measured movements, walked to the centre of the room and bowed to the King. He turned to face the other Velenthians, searching out Evelyn's face in the crowd. Apologising to her silently, he cleared his throat and spoke the words that would seal his fate. The lie he hoped would protect the people who had risked so much to help him and his fiancée. “ Samantha and Colonel O'Neill are innocent. They did not kill Prince Taylin. They were not in the palace gardens that night.” He swallowed the lump in his throat and held his head high, closing his eyes as he prepared himself for the worse. “ I know they are innocent because it is I who is not. I murdered Prince Taylin because he threatened both the woman I love and the woman who was protecting her. Samantha should not suffer for her husband’s death, nor should Colonel O'Neill. It is I who deserves to die at dawn tomorrow. I murdered your beloved Prince.”

Getting to his feet, the King pointed at Nicholi. “ Seize that man and arrest him for murder! He has confessed and will be punished at dawn.”

The confused crowds looked on as Nicholi was led away, missing the scowl on Lord Jalen’s face. Evelyn watched as her fiancé was taken away, breaking down in Bernadette’s arms as she sobbed her heart out. She understood his motives and agreed that Samantha and Colonel O’Neill were innocent, but she hadn’t been prepared for him to sacrifice his life to save those of their friends.

~*~

Jack once more found himself confused as he was led out of the prison building, his feet released from their shackles once they’d reached the surface. His confusion grew when he was told he was being let go. That he was free.

Fearing the worst for Sam, he made his way into the palace, his unkempt appearance stopping even the strongest of guards from getting in his way. He stormed through the corridors, ignoring the nervous smiles he received, his mind concentrated on a single course.

He was out of breath when he reached her room, barging in without even knocking. He stood in the doorway panting as he took in the scene before him. Evelyn was sobbing in Sam's arms, Nicholi's parents were leaning heavily on one another as Bernadette cried silently, her husband holding her with a distraught expression on his face.

“ Sam?” She looked up, startled to find him there, having been distracted by Evelyn's distressed state.

“ You must tell him, Samantha,” Karalynn approached the bed and eased Evelyn into her arms, the young woman going willingly, needing someone to hold her. “ I will stay with Evelyn until you return.”

Her face was tear stained and withdrawn. Sam took his arm and led him from the room, closing the door behind him before sinking willingly into his arms. He smelt like the cell he'd been imprisoned in but she couldn't bring herself to care as she closed her eyes tightly, relishing the feel of him, knowing if things had gone differently, he would be dead.

“ Shh.” Jack was hushing her and rubbing her back before she even realised she was crying. “ Tell me what's wrong, Sam. Why was I let go? Why's Evelyn so upset? They didn't.. You're not going to take my place, are you?”

She pulled away, shaking her head as she wiped at her cheeks with her hands, making them a stark red in contrast to the paleness of the rest of her face. “ I'm not taking your place. Evelyn said they were going to accuse me of being a witch and burn me at the stake.. but.. Nicholi.. He stood up for us. He admitted to murdering Prince Taylin when he didn't. He was trying to protect us. He's going to die to save us.”

Pulling her back into his arms, Jack rested his cheek against her hair, rocking her gently. “ We won't let that happen. We'll think of something, Sam. I don't know what but we will. We're all going to leave this place. All of us. No one's being left behind this time.”

She wanted to believe him but she couldn't. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut and let him hold her, trying to convince herself that they'd come out of it okay. Major Carter would have had no problems finding the confidence to believe her Commanding Officer. Major Carter would already be searching for a solution, prepared to spend every second racking her brain for the answer they were all praying for, the answer everyone would expect her to come up with. Sam, however, couldn't find the courage to do that. She couldn't find the confidence she needed in herself nor in her team mates to pull through this time.

And that was when she realised she could go home but she wouldn't be able to easily slip into the role of Major-Doctor Carter again. She wasn't sure if she ever could. To do that, she needed confidence in herself and in her colleagues; she needed to trust both them and herself to make the decisions.

What was she supposed to do if that trust and confidence was gone?

~*~

Lord Jalen witnessed their reunion through eyes that blazed with spite. He heard Colonel O'Neill's promise that they would all return home, back to the planet from which they came and laughed inwardly.

‘You may think that, Colonel,’ he thought to himself, a wicked smile curving up his lips. ‘But you are mistaken. I will not give up. Samantha will be punished for all she has put make though. You will not take her away from me. I will not allow her to leave this place unscathed, nor will I allow Evelyn to be free.’

He followed them at a discreet distance as they made their way down the hallway from Samantha's room to Colonel O’Neill’s, listening to their conversation, misinterpreting Colonel O'Neill's attempts at lightening the atmosphere to be triumphant jokes traded by two people who were celebrating a victory.

“ You know, I never thought I'd say this to you, Colonel, but you really smell bad,” Samantha murmured, her arm wound tightly around his waist.

Chuckling, Colonel O'Neill pressed a soft kiss to her head as Lord Jalen frowned deeply. “ Well, Carter. I have to say it, you don't look so hot yourself.”

Lord Jalen stopped trailing them as a plan started to form in his mind. He could not understand why the young man, Nicholi Kavise, had jumped to the rescue of the stranger and the courtesan. He knew Nicholi was close to Evelyn, he knew of their plans to marry, but he hadn’t counted on Nicholi’s loyalty to Samantha to spread as far as it did. He had never imagined the young man would sacrifices his own life to save hers.

It was an act of human compassion Jalen could and would never understand.

Pondering the day’s events, Jalen worked out a pattern in his mind. Evelyn was Nicholi’s weakness. She was also a very close friend of Samantha’s. She was a young, pretty courtesan. One who could have easily been duped into following the ways of witchcraft.

Grinning to himself, Jalen walked in the opposite direction to Sam and Jack.

Revenge would be his, an experience he would savour. Especially as now it spread to include both of the courtesans who had caused him to suffer the humiliation a man of his position should never have been made to endure.

~*~

“ Broken windows and empty hallways,

a pale dead moon in a sky streaked with grey.

Human kindness is overflowing,

and I think it's gonna rain today.”

~ ‘I Think it’s Gonna Rain Today’, Bette Midler.

~*~

Part Fourteen

~*~

“ I won’t see your smile

And I won’t hear you laugh anymore

Every night, I won’t see you

Walk through that door.”

~ ‘Never Forget You, Mariah Carey

~*~

He knocked swiftly on the door, his patience wearing thin as he was made to wait for someone to answer his calls. Lord Jalen glanced warily around him, making sure no one had seen him enter this part of the palace. If his plan were to work, the courtesans would need to be seen to agree of their own accord.

“ Lord Jalen.” It was Veronica who answered, and curtseyed politely although she looked less than thrilled to see him. “ What can we do for you this evening? The King has cancelled all appointments in wake of Prince Taylin’s murder..”

“ I’m not here for an appointment,” Jalen told her brusquely, briskly pushing past her and into the main chamber before anyone could see him standing in the hallway. The state of dress, and undress, of the women around him didn’t disturb him as he marched to the centre of the room. “ I come to you with a proposition.” His eyes gleamed. “ And a threat.”

Veronica joined some of the courtesans on the long couch in the centre of the room, looking curious at Lord Jalen. Speaking on behalf of her fellow courtesans as she usually did, Veronica was the one to ask him what he meant. “ A proposition and a threat? How can something be both?”

“ Easily, my dear,” Jalen responded condescendingly. “ It is a proposition unless you decide to have no part in it. Then it becomes a threat, to you all.”

“ I assume this has something to do with the accusations you made against Samantha today?” Veronica continued to press his for more information, not out of responsibility for the others but out of her own desire to stay on Lord Jalen’s good side. She knew how violent he could be, and how evil.

Lord Jalen smiled wickedly. “ Ah, you have heard of them? I was not sure whether you would have been informed of them yet.”

“ We hear everything,” Veronica shrugged casually. “ We also know the charges were dropped. Nicholi Kavise confessed to murder and will be hung in place of Colonel O’Neill and Samantha.”

“ Yes.” Lord Jalen’s mouth thinned into a tight, white line of resentment. “ I know. That is why I’m here. I believe I can still reverse the charges for the Kavise boy and have Samantha burn at the stake instead.” His eyes sparkled deviously. “ The question is, how many of you wish to join her in burning at the stake?”

Standing, Veronica approached him, staring at him through suspicious eyes. “ Is that your threat, Lord Jalen?

“ It is if you do not comply with my wishes, Veronica,” Lord Jalen grinned back at her, obviously very pleased with himself.

“ Then please,” Veronica lowered her head respectfully. “ Please tell us what your wishes are. I am certain we all would like to hear them and discover what would save us from joining Samantha in suffering such a terrible fate.”

“ Do not try to sympathise with her, Veronica. It is clear to all of us that you hold nothing but contempt and fury for the woman who stole the affections of many away from you.” Lord Jalen warned her sharply, waiting until she had taken her seat before continuing with his threat. “ This morning, I had the good people of Velenthia convinced there was a witch in our midst, until Nicholi Kavise stepped in and took the blame. I have been asking myself since then why he did that. Why he would give his own life to save that of a stranger.”

Veronica sighed. “ It is obvious, Lord Jalen.” She continued when he looked at her curiously. “ Nicholi has fallen for Evelyn. Everyone knows Evelyn would have died in this line of work a long time ago if not for Samantha’s intervention. Nicholi obviously feels grateful to Samantha for freeing Evelyn from her role here in the palace and has grown loyal to her. Word has it Evelyn will be returning to Samantha’s home world where she will be protected.”

“ I see.” Lord Jalen grinned widely. “ Then, knowing Samantha and Evelyn as you do, do you think it’s possible that Samantha could have taught Evelyn the ways of a witch? Surely you see how Evelyn has been taken under her wing? Is it not possible that Evelyn has bewitched Nicholi in the same way Samantha has bewitched everyone else?”

“ It is possible,” Veronica answered slowly, “ but Evelyn and Nicholi were together long before Samantha arrived on Velenthia.”

“ And how many people know that, Veronica? How many people who are *not* in this room were aware of the relationship between Evelyn and Nicholi before Samantha arrived?” Lord Jalen asked with a smug smile. “ The answer, I think you’ll agree, is not many. Certainly not enough to go against the word of the rest of you.”

“ Us?” Veronica’s eyes narrowed again. “ What do we have to do with this?”

“ You will be my witnesses in trial,” Lord Jalen explained arrogantly. “ I anticipate that the King will call for a trial when his two favourite courtesans are accused of being witches. You will be my witnesses and support my claims that Samantha has taught Evelyn the ways of a witch and agree with me that it is likely Evelyn has bewitched Nicholi into taking the blame for Samantha’s actions.”

“ And why would we do that?” Veronica asked guardedly. “ Why would we take your side over the side of two of our own? We may not like Samantha and Evelyn but they are courtesans. Courtesans have a sense of loyalty, too.”

Lord Jalen chuckled humourlessly. “ Yes, my dear. But you see.. If you do not agree with me.. I might have to accuse *all* courtesans of being evil. With the women of Velenthia supporting me, the men will have no choice but to agree and watch you *all* burn at the stake. That would be such a shame, don’t you think?”

“ This is your threat,” Veronica stated bluntly. “ You want us to accuse Samantha and Evelyn of being witches or we all suffer their fate?”

“ That’s the plan, my dear Veronica. It is your decision whether you wish to die out of loyalty to two women you cannot stand.. Or whether you wish to live and take back the power Samantha has stolen from you.” Lord Jalen flashed them a deceptively innocent smile. “ I will hear your decision along with the rest of the court tomorrow night when we convene. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a trial to arrange and some witches to burn.”

The courtesans let him leave, staring at each other in silent shock. Veronica scowled darkly at Jalen’s threat; she hated the feeling of being under someone else’s control. With a haughty glare in the direction he had gone, Veronica stormed to her room, slamming he door behind her. She knelt by the window and rested her head in her hands.

‘Forgive me, Mother,’ she thought as she made her decision. ‘Forgive me for what we are about to do.’

~*~

“ Nicholi?” Evelyn and Sam stood in front of the cell the young man was being held in, both of them pale and dressed in black.

At the sound of Evelyn’s voice, Nicholi stirred and awoke from his disturbed slumber. He groaned as he stretched and stood, his back aching from a night spent on the cold floor, curled up the best he could with shackles around his ankles. “ Evelyn,” he smiled when he saw her, slowly, painfully making his way to the side of the cell where she was standing with Sam. “ Samantha.” He bowed his head. “ Thank you for coming to see me.”

“ Nicholi,” Sam sighed sadly, blinking back her tears. “ Why did you do this? You were free to go! You should have taken Evelyn and gone through the Stargate like we planned.”

“ I could not let you die, Samantha,” Nicholi told her gravely. “ You have done so much for us both, as has Colonel O’Neill, and for that I am grateful. You have kept Evelyn alive until a time we could be together, you have protected and loved her more than any mother could and I cannot thank you enough for that. The only way I could show my thanks was to stop them from charging you with witchcraft and killing both you and the Colonel.”

“ You thanked me enough already, Nicholi,” Sam responded resolutely. “ This.. I wish you hadn’t confessed. Both Colonel O’Neill and I were prepared for what happened to us. You should have let them blame me. Then you two could have gone back to Earth.”

Nicholi smiled sorrowfully. “ It is too late for regrets, Samantha. I have done the honourable thing, the right thing. I hope you can someday understand that I have only done what I was meant to do.” He turned his attention to Evelyn, his expression softening as he took in the sight of the angry tear stains on her face and the quivering of her bottom lip. “ Evelyn, my love.”

Sam stepped a little bit to the side, giving them some privacy. Evelyn gave her a feeble smile of gratitude as she stepped up to the bars of the cell, her shaking hands clasping those of Nicholi’s through the wall that separated them. “ Nicholi..”

“ Evelyn, please forgive me,” Nicholi apologised wholeheartedly. “ I could not let Samantha die when all she has done is try to help us.”

“ I know,” Evelyn assured him as tears ran down her face. “ And I know you did not kill Prince Taylin, you were with your parents and myself at your home. The King will not hear me, I tried to protest your innocence but you confessed before too many people..”

“ I know,” Nicholi repeated her words. “ I know. It was the only way to have my confession heard and believed. Oh, Evelyn.” He kissed her knuckles gently, tears running unashamedly down his own cheeks as he did so. “ Please go with Samantha and Colonel O’Neill to their world. Please take care of our child and raise it with the knowledge that its father loved it. Even though he will never see it. Never forget that I love you or this miracle we have created.”

“ I won’t,” Evelyn sobbed. “ I’ll never forget. I love you, Nicholi. I love you so much it hurts.”

“ I love you, Evie,” Nicholi murmured, kissing her fingers. “ I always will. No matter what awaits me in the life after this one. I will never stop loving your or our child.” Composing himself, Nicholi took a step back and wiped at his face with hands made dirty from sleeping on the muddy floor. “ Samantha,” he tried to control his voice but it shook anyway. “ Please take Evelyn out of here, and do not let her witness my death.”

“ I won’t let anything happen to her, Nicholi,” Sam promised as she wiped angrily at the tear that ran down her own cheek.

“ I know you won’t,” Nicholi smiled genuinely, confident that she would do all she could to protect his fiancée. “ Please help her take care of herself and our child, and assist her in raising it. My mother would help.. but it will not be safe for Evelyn to stay here once people learn she is carrying the child of a murderer.”

Sam nodded, impressed by his maturity. “ They will both be safe on Earth, I promise, and I’ll help Evelyn in every way I can..” Her voice trailed off as she cleared her throat. “ I wish you hadn’t done this, Nicholi. Can’t you take back your confession and say I made you say it?”

“ I will not endanger you in that way, Samantha,” Nicholi responded firmly. “ I am counting on you to protect Evelyn and the child she carries.”

“ I won’t you let you down,” Sam vowed, wishing there was *something* she could do to save him from dying. She had tried talking to the King but he wouldn’t hear of it. Nicholi had confessed in front of the King, the Lords and Ladies and a large gathering of Velenthians. There was not much that could be said to save him now. She banished the negative thoughts from her head and wrapped an arm around Evelyn’s shaking shoulders. “ Come on, Evie. You need to get some rest before..”

Evelyn was glad Sam didn’t finish her sentence, a fresh rain of tears falling from her eyes as she tore her gaze away from Nicholi. She trembled violently against Sam as the older woman helped her up the stairs and out of the building, collapsing against her as soon as they got to the top and were away from Nicholi’s worried eyes. “ I can’t do this, Samantha!” Evelyn wailed. “ I can’t raise my child without its father!”

“ Shh,” Sam knelt down beside her, ignoring the glances they were receiving from the guards and rocked Evelyn in her arms. “ It’s going to be okay, Evelyn. I won’t let you do this alone. I promise.”

The young woman was inconsolable, crying bitter tears as she sunk into Sam’s embrace. Feeling her heart clench painfully at the hopelessness of it all, Sam couldn’t do anything but hold Evelyn and whisper soothing platitudes, trying to remember when the last time she felt so helpless.

~*~

“ People of Velenthia!” Lord Jalen called out above the murmurs and whispers of the crowds gathered around the gallows. “ You have been summoned here to witness and judge in court. Many of you were present yesterday when Nicholi Kavise confessed to murdering our Prince, coming to the rescue of Samantha, the woman I accused of being a witch. Today, my fellow Velenthians, I put it to you that it was a false confession!” His statement was greeted by a stunned silence. “ It is my belief that Nicholi Kavise has been bewitched into confessing for a crime he did not commit! I believe he was bewitched not by Samantha Carter, but by her apprentice, Evelyn Gremick!”

“ Lord Jalen,” the King addressed him, appearing worn and wary. “ This is the second time you have demanded an execution to be halted. Please, state your case and present to the people of Velenthia and the Lords and Ladies your evidence for believing your claims to be true. Justice will be met. My son’s true murderer will suffer at my hand. I am eager to get on with the proceedings.”

Lord Jalen bowed. “ Of course, your Excellency. But you do not wish to punish an innocent man, which is what I believe will happen if you allow Nicholi Kavise to die.” Clearing his throat, he turned to the sea of faces waiting expectantly and smiled graciously. “ Nicholi Kavise and the Kavise family have been a part of our fine city for many, many life-cycles. I do not believe that such a respected, gentle young man can be responsible for the violent, unnecessary death of our beloved Prince and much missed friend.” Gesturing to someone in the crowd, Jalen fought a grin as Veronica stepped forward. “ My Lords and Ladies; my prestigious King; good people of Velenthia. I present to you my evidence that Nicholi Kavise is innocent.”

He took a deep breath and waited for the sign from Veronica, a subtle nod, before continuing. “ Nicholi Kavise has been intimately involved with the courtesan Evelyn Gremick for many moon-cycles now. Their involvement started shortly after the arrival of Samantha to our world. Evelyn was, as many know, a quiet young woman who could not defend herself and was in danger of losing her life because she was unable to protect it. When Samantha arrived, that changed. Evelyn blossomed into a beautiful young woman, with confidence and style that mimicked Samantha’s own. I put it to you that this change in her demeanour is evidence that Evelyn was more than just protected by Samantha. I believe Evelyn was welcomed into the dark ways of witchcraft by Samantha and became an apprentice, a witch in her own right. Veronica, if you please..”

Veronica curtseyed before the Lords, Ladies and the King and turned to the crowd, taking a deep steeling breath before she began. “ I concur with lord Jalen’s accusations on behalf of all other Velenthia courtesans. We have been too afraid to speak out before now, but Lord Jalen has assured us we will be protected.” She paused so Lord Jalen could smile and nod convincingly. “ Since Samantha arrived, the rest of us have been frightened. She has a great deal of power and has been seen doing things a normal woman cannot do. She has magical powers that can transform her appearance into being the beautiful woman so many of you know. She casts spells late at night to win her the hearts and loyalty of many of the people I see standing before me now. It saddens me to have to confess Evelyn has been led astray by her wicked ways. I myself witnessed the two of them together in the early hours of morning, concocting potions to give to their lovers to ensure their loyalty and affections. Your Highness,” Veronica turned to the King, curtseying again as a convincing tear ran down her face. “ I apologise for not coming forward sooner. Perhaps if I had, Prince Taylin would still be with us.”

“ There you have it!” Lord Jalen shouted, trying not to sound as gleeful as he felt. “ A first hand account of witchcraft! I implore you, good people of Velenthia. Do not let these witches win! Do not let them divide us and kill one of our own! One innocent life has been taken, do not let them trick us into taking another!”

He fell silent as the people conferred amongst themselves, feeling confident they would find Samantha and Evelyn guilty, especially as the two women were forbidden from attending and therefore were not being given the chance to defend themselves. He had pleaded with the King in front of the Lords and Ladies not to allow them to be there, claiming they would only use witchery if they were. Reluctantly, the King had been forced to agree and Jalen could tell as he watched the King’s distress play over his face that he was regretting it.

“ Your Majesty,” the spokesperson for the people stood and bowed courteously. “ The people of Velenthia have reached a decision.” Holding his head up high, he met the King’s anxious gaze. “ The people of Velenthia find Nicholi Kavise innocent of murder and request that he be freed and allowed to join his family. We find Samantha Carter and Evelyn Gremick guilty of the charges of witchcraft and wish they be sentenced to death by fire.”

Hanging his head, the King closed his eyes tightly, praying he had misheard, praying for some way out of having to sentence Samantha to death.

“ Your Majesty,” it was Lord Davin, his whispered tone urgent. “ The people are waiting for you to state the time of the executions. The Ladies and Lords of Velenthia concur with them that Samantha and Evelyn must die for being witches. I am sorry, my King. I wish there were some way we could prevent this. I am fond of Samantha myself.”

“ People of Velenthia,” the King stood up, his voice shaking to match the rest of his body. “ The Lords and Ladies agree with your decision and with your recommended courses of action. At midday tomorrow, Samantha Carter and Evelyn Gremick, found to be witches by this noble people, will be sentenced to death and burned at the stake for their crimes.”

He didn’t hear the deafening cheers around him, he didn’t see the look of triumphant that graced Lord Jalen’s face. The King slumped back down in his chair, burying his face in his hands as he wept silent tears, grieving for the lost life of his son and for the life he would be taking from the woman he loved as dearly as a daughter.

~*~

Sam and Evelyn were sitting in her room, holding onto each other when the guards came. With a sinking heart, Sam knew why they were there the moment she was roughly taken into their custody.

“ Samantha?” Evelyn cried out as she was dragged away from her friend and mother figure. Hysterical panic flared in her eyes as she clawed at the arms tightening around her. “ Samantha!”

“ It’ll be okay, Evelyn,” Sam called out softly as she went willingly with the guard who bound her hands tightly behind her back. “ Stay calm and it’ll be okay.”

The young woman was beyond any capability for rational thinking. Her shouts and screams were heard throughout the palace, heard by Jack and SG-1 who were on their way to Sam’s room after finally being released from their rooms. Fearing for their team mate and the young woman they had all risked so much for, they raced through the maze of hallways until they reached Sam’s room, startled to find the door was open and there was no one inside.

“ Sam?” Jack called out as he searched the room, racing into the bathroom to see if she was there. “ Carter?”

“ You are too late,” Karalynn spoke up from the doorway, her expression grim.

“ What do you mean we’re too late?” Janet took a step towards the old woman, her eyes wide with obvious fear for her friend. “ Where are Sam and Evelyn?”

“ They have been charged with witchcraft,” Karalynn told them regretfully. “ The King has ordered that they be burnt at the stake tomorrow at midday. There is nothing more you can do for them.”

Daniel slumped down on Sam’s bed, remembering a time when Teal’c had been the one accused of witchcraft. If it weren’t for his symbiote, they would have lost him that time. Daniel knew about the period of witch trials in Europe and America and he knew all about the punishments and the paranoia surrounding them. Raising his head, he felt his chest tighten painfully. “ There’s nothing we can do, Jack,” he murmured as Janet joined him on the bed, hanging her head in her hands. “ Velenthia has the same strict policy for witches as they had on Earth in the 15^th and 16^th centuries. Once someone is condemned a witch, they will be killed. There’s nothing we can do to stop it.”

“ No.” Jack shook his head, his hand gestures frantic as he ran a hand through his hair. “ There has to be *something* we can do. We didn’t come this far just to lose her. No, there’s something we can do. We can’t let her die, we can’t..”

“ I believe Daniel Jackson is correct, O’Neill.” Teal’c placed a hand on Jack’s shoulder, his own grief evident in his deep brown eyes. “ I have studied the period of your history in great detail since returning from the medieval world in which I was drowned. There is nothing we can do for Major Carter but hope her death is painless.”

“ She’s going to burn to death, Teal’c!” Jack shouted angrily. “ How can that be painless?”

“ Then we must pray for her,” Teal’c responded unflappably. “ We must pray she gives into death easily and does not fight it.”

“ That’s all we can do?” Jack asked disbelievingly. “ You’re all ready to give up?”

Daniel looked helpless. “ What more can we do, Jack? Short of getting ourselves killed with her. She wouldn’t want that. She’d want us to go back to Earth while we still can.”

Shaking his head, Jack shook off Teal’c’s hand and stormed away from them. “ You might be ready to accept that but I’m not.”

“ Should we not go after him, Daniel-Jackson?” Teal’c asked a few minutes later when no one had made a move to follow their leader. “ O’Neill will need us now.”

Shaking his head, Daniel put his arm around Janet’s shoulders, drawing her nearer as she began to cry. “ Jack needs some time alone, Teal’c. He has to realise he can’t save her. Not this time.”

Alone, in the gardens of the palace, Jack O’Neill came to the same conclusion and broke down because of it, his distressed state witnessed by no one.

~*~

Meanwhile, in the King’s chambers, the King paced the floor as Lords Davin and Akima looked on in sympathy.

“ There must be something we can do,” the King thought aloud. “ I cannot let Samantha die. I vowed to protect her with my own life if necessary. I cannot let her die tomorrow.”

“ My King,” Lord Davin cut in. “ There is nothing you can do without losing the respect of your people. Freeing Samantha will be seen as an act of weakness, you will be seen to be under the control of her powers and the people of Velenthia will not accept that as a quality in their leader.”

“ Lord Davin is right, your Majesty,” Lord Akima chimed in. “ You will be relieved of your duties of King if you do anything to help her. She must fend for herself and you must do your royal duty and grant the wishes of your subjects.”

“ Just because I have to do it doesn’t mean I want to,” he King snapped, speaking mainly to himself. “ Samantha will understand. She knows how much I value my position.” Sighing heavily, he changed direction and started pacing across the other side of the room. “ But if I let them die, how can I forgive myself? I vowed I would never put my duties before another woman I loved. And Evelyn is only a child, I cannot let her die in such a way.”

Lord Davin exchanged a concerned glance with Lord Akima. “ Your Majesty, please. Do not worry so over this matter. You are still recovering from an illness we have not been able to identify. Please do not over-exert yourself in this way.”

“ I must see Samantha!” The King declared, acting as though he hadn’t heard Lord Davin’s plea. Grabbing his robe, the King tightened it around him and waved away their protests before they could voice them. “ I must explain to her why I have no choice. I must have her forgiveness before tomorrow!”

The two Lords, his most valued of advisors, could only watch as he left before they could comment. Helping himself to one of the chairs, Lord Davin leaned his head back and closed his eyes.

“ What is Velenthia coming to, old friend?”

“ I do not know,” Lord Akima agreed sadly, sitting in the other chair. “ But I hope it will return to normal after tomorrows executions.”

~*~

The two women huddled together for warmth as an icy breeze swirled around their cell. Evelyn had long since stopped crying, but the occasional sniff still escaped her. Sam sat stoically, her arms around the younger woman as she closed her eyes and dreamed of being in a better place, of being in a world where everything went to plan and no one suffered from unfair deaths.

Her musings were cut short when she heard footsteps on the stairs. Gently easing Evelyn from her arms, Sam lay the young woman down on the mouldy bench, using the shawl she had discarded as a pillow as she moved to stand by the bars, her face blank and expressionless, ready to face whomever was coming to see them.

“ Samantha!” The King greeted her miserably. “ My dear, are you being well treated?”

“ As well as any other prisoner,” Sam murmured in reply, curious and surprised by his arrival. “ What are you doing here? Isn’t it forbidden for us to have guests before the day of our deaths?”

“ I am the King,” he responded with a small smile of pride. “ I came to make sure you were well and to ask for your forgiveness. I have no choice, Samantha. I must do what my people want me to do.”

“ You never have any choices,” Sam retorted bitterly, crossing her arms over her chest, trying to tell herself to ignore the hurt in his face at her tone. “ You never do what you want to do because you’re a coward and can’t bear the thought of one of your subjects feeling something other than affection for you.”

The King was taken back. “ Samantha! My dear, you understand why I must do what I do! You know how the system works! If I do not adhere to their wishes, I will be dethroned and left to starve on the streets!”

“ How many other people have died to save you from disgrace, your Majesty,” she added with contempt, casting a glance over her shoulder at Evelyn. “ How many other children are you responsible for killing?”

Now seeming appalled, the King tried to appeal to her. “ That is not fair! You know I wish no harm on anyone! If I could save every person who needed saving, I would!”

“ Then put your money where your mouth is and do it!” Sam replied quietly, knowing the Earth phrase would be lost on him. “ You couldn’t let me go before and you can’t now but Evelyn still has a chance. Take her with you, to Colonel O’Neill. Tell him to take her back to Earth tonight before anyone realises she’s missing. I’ll take full responsibility for it in the morning when the guards find her gone. I’ll say I put a spell on them. That way no one will blame you.”

“ You’re asking me to go against the wishes of my people!” The King gasped.

“ But no one will know,” Sam responded in a firm voice. “ For once in your life, stand up for something you believe it. Let Evelyn out of here. I’ll stay. I don’t care. I’ll die tomorrow for the both of us but please. I’m asking you. Take Evelyn out of here tonight and let her leave. For the sake of her child.”

“ Evelyn is with child?” The King’s eyes widened in surprise. “ Why did you not tell me this sooner?”

“ Would it have made a difference?” Sam shot back rapidly.

“ No,” he admitted, shaking his head. Glancing nervously around him, he sighed and relented, reaching for the keys he wore on the belt around his waist. “ If anyone learns of this, Samantha, I will be dying with you tomorrow.”

“ No one will know,” Sam promised him sincerely. She walked over to Evelyn and woke the young woman up, smiling enthusiastically. “ Evie, wake up. The King is here. He’s going to take you to Colonel O’Neill and you’re going to leave tonight.”

Evelyn sat up and rubbed at her eyes as the King entered the cell. He handed Sam the keys and she quickly started to undo the shackles around Evelyn’s ankles. “ What about you?” Evelyn asked cagily. “ Do you go, too?”

“ No.” Sam helped Evelyn stand once she was free from the shackles and pulled her into a tight hug. “ I stay. There’s no time for arguments and no time for dramatics. Go with the King. Now,” she added in a voice that silenced Evelyn’s arguments.

“ Be well, Samantha,” Evelyn murmured, hugging her hard. She released her when the King tapped on her shoulder, glancing nervously around the room.

“ Go.” Sam ordered them both. “ And thank you, your Majesty.”

The King’s only response was a nod as he ushered Evelyn hurriedly up the steps once he’d locked the door to the cell behind them. Sam sat down on the bench once more and closed her eyes, dreaming of a world that used to be home, praying Evelyn and Nicholi would be happy there, hoping her friends could find peace.

~*~

Ten minutes later, five figures stole through the Velenthian night, silently cutting through the city and travelling through the forest, all of them grieving for the friend they had left behind. They made it to the Stargate without being seen, and were all relieved to find Nicholi standing there with his parents, waiting for them, just as Karalynn had promised they would be.

“ Nicholi!” Evelyn left the comfort of Janet’s side and raced into the arms of her fiancé, holding onto him for all she was worth. “ The King let me go,” she sobbed against his chest. “ Samantha convinced him he could do it without anyone knowing. She’s going to take the blame in the morning. They’re going to kill her, Nicholi.”

“ I know, Evie,” Nicholi murmured into her hair, revelling in the sensation of having her so close, having physical proof that they were both alive and well, thanks to the woman sitting the cold, dark cell awaiting her death. “ Karalynn told us,” he explained. “ It is what Samantha wants.”

The engaged couple bid their farewells to Nicholi’s parents, knowing it would be the last time they saw either of them as they would be unable to ever return to Velenthia once they had left it behind. Daniel dialled up the Stargate with Janet at his side, their faces sad and stained with tears as they tried not to think of Sam and how they were losing her again. Teal’c stood as stoically as ever, his eyes closed as he said a final prayer to the whatever Gods or Goddesses who protected Velenthia to make Sam’s death as quick as it was honourable, asking them to see the sacrifice for what it was: the gift of life to two young lovers and their unborn child. Jack numbly watched the scene play out before him, the whole situation seeming surreal. He couldn’t bring himself to believe and accept what was happening. He was breaking the promises he had made, to himself and to his friends, and there was not one single thing he could do about it.

Bernadette and Torin Kavise left as the Stargate activated, hurrying to their home so no one could accuse them of being present when the travellers departed with their son. Daniel and Janet led Evelyn and Nicholi up to the Event Horizon after sending through the Iris’s code with the GDO. Holding onto each other and their new friends, Evelyn and Nicholi held their breaths as they stepped through the blue puddle into their new home.

“ O’Neill?” Teal’c paused before following them, concerned that Jack hadn’t moved. “ Are you not joining us?”

“ I’m coming,” Jack murmured. “ I was just.. saying goodbye.” Teal’c nodded and stepped through the Stargate, leaving Jack with the impression he would be standing on the other side, waiting until he followed. Climbing the steps, Jack stood inches away from the fluctuating water-like surface and turned back to look up at the stars in the sky. “ I’m not giving up on you, Sam,” he whispered. “ Not when we’re this close.”

With no idea how he was going to keep his promise, but certain that he would, Jack stepped through the Event Horizon, letting the dizzying wormhole take him and his promises home.

~*~

“ So I ran like the wind to the water

Please don't leave me again I cried

And I threw bitter tears at the ocean

But all that came back was the tide.”

~ ‘ I Will Not Forget You’, Sarah McLachlan.

~*~

Part Fifteen

~*~

“And I'll remember the strength that you gave me

Now that I'm standing on my own

I'll remember the way that you saved me

I'll remember.”

~ ‘I’ll Remember’, Madonna.

~*~

Finding acceptance wasn’t as difficult as she’d thought it would be. Sitting alone in her cell, Sam rested her head against the wall, closing her eyes. By now, she was certain Evelyn would be safe. She was sure Jack had kept his promise and had taken both Evelyn and Nicholi through the Stargate with him and the others. She was relatively confident they would be safe now, that something good would come out of this whole situation.

It was strange. Sam had said she couldn’t leave Velenthia because of her obligations. At the time she’d said that, she’d had no idea that she would be obliged to die.

She had convinced herself it was worth it. That it was better to lose one life rather than two. She had lived through more than most, experienced things others only dreamed about, seen things that weren’t supposed to exist. Evelyn and Nicholi where young and, in comparison to herself, innocent and naïve. They had the rest of their lives to lead and were expecting their first child, another innocent life who deserved to be spared.

Accepting what was going to happen was made easier but the knowledge it was happening for a reason, that something positive would be gained through something negative. Throughout it all, something would be achieved.

The guards arrived a few minutes later with her last meal. A bowl of thick liquid that was supposed to be soup. She lifted the spoon tentatively to her mouth, tasting it with the tip of her tongue, dropping the spoon back in the bowl as she did so. It was cold and tasteless and the mere thought of putting a spoonful of it in her mouth made her stomach churn. Calmly, she handed the bowl back to one of the guards and watched as they left.

Time was running out for her, but she wasn't panicking like she'd expected to.

A strange feeling of calmness enveloped her, wrapping her securely in its warm embrace as she sat back down. This wasn't how she'd expected to die. When she'd thought about her own death, she'd imagined it being along side her team mates, fighting in some big battle with the Goa'uld, a soldiers death. A hero’s death. Once she had come to Velenthia, she had imagined herself dying peacefully in her sleep. The thought of dying amidst fierce flames had never crossed her mind, although that was apparently what fate had in store for her.

Shortly after leaving with her untouched meal, the guards returned. One of them stood by the doorway to the cell, watching her every move like a hawk. The other nervously approached her, surprised when she complied so easily, and bound her hands tightly behind her back.

Holding her head up high, Sam went willingly with them. She took each step steadily, refusing to give in under the pressure of the accusing glares she received from the people she passed. She stepped into the cart without any help and knelt before the guards could roughly push her to her knees. Her eyes remained open for the journey to the gallows, taking in everything that was going on around her, bravely accepting that this was what was meant to be.

The faces of the people gathered blurred and ran into one another. Sam took no notice of their whispers and chants to 'kill the witch' and 'burn her'. She took deep, even breaths and let them out slowly. She unfalteringly eased herself out of the cart and started walking without guidance to the place she would be burned.

Standing with her back to the post of wood, Sam stared out at the people watching, oblivious to the sadness and the excitement in the air. Oblivious to the fear and the anticipation. She held out her arms and allowed them to string her up. She held her head high and met the eyes of each and every person staring at her.

“ Samantha Carter, you are convinced of being a witch,” the voice boomed from behind her. She didn't need to twist her head and see who it was. She recognised it as Lord Jalen. “ Your companion Evelyn Gremick was missing from your cell when the guards arrived this morning. You are charged with aiding her escape through the use of magic. How do you plead?”

Her eyes searched and found the faces of Bernadette and Torin. They nodded subtlety in answer to her unasked question and smiled thankfully, bravely trying to stop their tears. “ I plead guilty,” Sam spoke boldly, her voice loud enough to carry over the din of the gathered people. “ I helped Evelyn escape using magic. Do with me what you will but you shall never find her.”

“ Very well.” Lord Jalen sounded a little confused at her confession but he wasn't about to let it stop him. He had the honour of starting the fire since he had been the one to bring her to justice. He was going to make her burn and watch with interest as she writhed around in pain against the post and binds holding her place as the fire devoured her skin.

His hands shook with the excitement of it all.

“ Be prepared, witch,” he murmured into her ear as he approached the stand, kicking some extra dry twigs into place at her feet. “ This is going to hurt.”

“ I'm not afraid,” Sam responded courageously, looking straight ahead. “ I'm not afraid,” she repeated quietly to herself.

Chuckling, Lord Jalen took the flaming torch one of the guards offered him. “ You should be, Samantha. You should be.” He raised his voice to be heard by the Velenthians. “ My friends, I give to you the witch! May she suffer for all eternity for all the misfortune she has wrought on our home.” Without remorse, Lord Jalen lowered the torch to the leaves and twigs at her feet, letting it drop from his hand as the first leaves caught fire. Stepping back until he was at a safe distance away from her, he folded his arms over his chest and watched as satisfaction bubbled up inside him.

The fire spread quickly, devouring the leaves and twigs that the servants of the palace had gathered. The crowd were divided as they watched. Some chanted and cheered, some were silent. Some, those who had befriended her, began to weep and diverted their gaze from her. The flames rose and grew more and more intense, crackling and leaping out at her, the bright oranges and reds blurring before her as sweat broke out all over her skin.

“ I am not afraid,” she mumbled to herself. “ I am not afraid.”

She thought of Evelyn and Nicholi, and of the child they would be raising together. She thought of the joyous times they would be facing as well as the distraught moments. She thought of them adjusting to their new life in their new home and the feeling of heat crawling on her skin faded a little more as she felt pride well up inside her. She had helped make that possible, she had helped make their dreams come true.

“ I am not afraid.”

She thought of her friends and family on Earth. Of her nephew and niece whom she wouldn't get to see grow up. Of her brother and his wife as they experienced their children growing up and learning to stand on their own. Her brother, the same man who had tormented her as a child, who had become a friend as they'd grown up together.

“ I am not afraid.”

Her father and General Hammond, her second father. Two men who protected her and cared for her. Two men she cared for and could rely on. Her relationship with her father had improved over the years, almost everything about it that had been damaged throughout her youth had been repaired. General Hammond had become her father when General Jacob Carter wasn't around. She had always known she could go to him, despite their professional relationship with him, whenever she had a problem.

“ I am not afraid.”

She thought of Cassandra and Janet, and knew without a doubt they would become family to Nicholi and Evelyn. She was proud of Cassandra for adjusting to Earth so well and knew the young girl she'd help to bring to Earth would grow up to be a beautiful, intelligent, warm and loving young woman. Janet, her closest female friend in a long time. The woman who was like a sister to her. They had been through so much together; adopting an alien child, becoming host to an alien entity more than once, near-death experiences and alien viruses.. In all of that, they'd still found time to talk about the other side of life. To watch chick flicks and feast on ice cream and wine. She was thankful for that.

“ I am not afraid.”

She thought of her team mates, her second family. The family she was closer to than any of her blood relatives. Daniel, the man who was for all purposes her brother; she could go to him with any problem and he'd spent however long it took trying to help her find a solution or trying to cheer her up - whichever came first. Teal'c, a wise man who would die to protect her and who would never turn her away if she just needed to talk. Jack. Colonel O'Neill. Her CO, her friend. The cocky and sarcastic soldier who had wormed his way into her heart no matter how many times she told herself it was wrong. He would die for her, he would live for her. He would, as she had recently learned, care for her no matter what. Maybe even love her, and that was more than anyone could ask.

“ I.. am.. not.. afraid.”

Flames licked at her skin and she closed her eyes for the first time, shutting out the pain as she welcomed the memories that flooded her mind. The first time she'd met them all, the first time Daniel and Jack had argued over artefacts and rocks, the first time Teal'c had laughed at his own Jaffa joke, the first time she seen Janet get drunk, the first time Cassandra had experienced chocolate.

The smell of singed flesh invaded her senses and her breathing quickened. She could feel the flames climbing higher, her clothes catching fire. ‘I am not afraid,’ she thought to herself as she gritted her teeth together, her hands clenching into fists as she squeezed her eyes as tightly closed as she could. The ropes bit into her skin as she shifted uncomfortably. Heat rose up her legs and stung her flesh, her feet blistering as she bit back a scream.. Her life flashed before her eyes in a blinding blaze of pure white light.

Was this heaven or some kind of after-life? The heat was gone. The pain was gone. She was no longer standing but lying. The crackling of the flames had been replaced by complete silence.

Almost.

“ Are you sure she’s going to be okay, Thor?”

Colonel O’Neill? Since when was he dead?

“ Her burns were severe, Colonel O’Neill,” Thor answered softly. “ I have done the best we can do. Major Carter will be fine.”

“ Jack?” Sam tried to sit up but found she couldn’t get her body to comply. Panic began to sink in. “ Colonel?”

He was at her side in an instant. “ Hey, Carter.” Leaning over her, he tenderly brushed a strand of hair from her face. “ You won’t be able to move for a while till the effect wears off. Thor said that’s normal.”

“ Normal for what?” She arched an eyebrow, wondering what had happened to paralyse her. “ What’s going on?”

“ You had some pretty bad burns,” he answered softly. “ Thor did a.. medical-whammy thing on you to heal them.”

“ What am I doing here?” She asked quietly, glancing around at the familiar surroundings of Thor’s Asgard vessel. “ What happened?”

Leaning closer, he dropped a gentle kiss against her forehead. “ I told you I wasn’t going to give up on you, Sam.” He pulled away. “ I couldn’t lose you again.” She rewarded his honesty with a soft smile, their gazes intertwined. Clearing his throat when the moment got too serious, Jack sat himself down in the chair Thor had put at her bedside, noticing the little grey alien had disappeared. “ You’ve got a few hours to recover from the effects of whatever it was Thor did.”

“ Why only a few hours?” Sam murmured, unable to stifle a small yawn. “ Sorry.”

“ Don’t worry about it.” Jack reached for her hand and entwined their fingers together. “ I talked Thor into hanging around in Velenthia’s orbit till evening. When you’re strong enough, he’s going to beam us both down so you can say goodbye to the King. Thor said he’d get a lock on some of the things from your room and get them back for you, too.”

“ That’s nice of him,” Sam yawned again. A frown of confusion creased her brow. “ I don’t get how you got Thor involved.. What did you do?”

“ It was a stroke of luck really,” he explained with a bashful grin. “ We were kind of desperate so Danny and me tried that communication thing Thor gave us when Earth was home to Larry, Curly and Mo. Thor was in the neighbourhood and came down to say ‘hi’. And that was it.”

“ Lucky,” Sam mumbled, half on her way to falling in a deep, healing sleep.

“ Lucky.” Jack echoed as he watched her fall asleep. He had never been more grateful to the little grey Asgard for showing up when he had. His timing usually left a lot to be desired – interrupting important speeches, invitations people were *just* about to accept.. – but this time it was perfect. A little on the late side, but it was okay. It had turned out okay. Jack dreaded to think what would have happened had they been a few minutes later. He had seen the burns Sam had suffered and could easily imagine that if they’d been just a few minutes later.. Not even all the Asgard technology in the universe could have saved her.

Shuddering, Jack leaned back in the uncomfortable chair and closed his eyes. He hadn’t slept in what felt like years. With Sam’s hand safely encased in his own, he allowed himself to relax, content in the knowledge he had managed to keep his promises, with a little help.

~*~

As night fell on Velenthia, Thor transported Sam and Jack to the hallway outside the King’s chambers. Quietly, Sam opened the door a crack and peered inside, listening to see if she could hear more than one voice. When she heard nothing, she led Jack inside, swiftly making her way to the King’s chair.

“ Your Majesty?” She called out softly, her eyes fixed on the top of the head she could see over the chair.

The King turned instantly on hearing her voice, his eyes growing wide as he paled. He clutched a hand to his chest and gasped. “ Samantha?” He took in her appearance, recognising her face and her shy smile, unable to stop a frown when he saw she was back in the uniform he had ordered her out of when she’d first arrived. “ Is it really you?”

“ Yes, it’s me,” she took a small step forward, smiling gently. “ I haven’t got long. I’m just here to say goodbye.”

Nodding, the King gestured that she take the other chair. Jack stood behind her protectively. “ I am relieved you are well, Samantha. Your disappearance caused a lot of confusion.”

“ Sorry about that,” Jack cut in with a grin. “ That was my fault. Kinda.”

“ Then I am thankful to you also, Colonel,” the King glanced briefly at him. “ For doing something I could not and saving her life.” He reached out and took Sam’s hand. “ How can you ever forgive me, Samantha?”

“ You did what you had to do,” Sam shrugged casually. “ That’s all any of us can do. Besides,” she squeezed his hand. “ You got Evelyn out of there, and if you hadn’t, SG-1 wouldn’t have returned home and Colonel O’Neill would have been here instead of asking a friend for a favour.”

“ Sam,” Jack murmured from behind her as his watch beeped. “ We’ve only got a few more minutes.”

Sam glanced down at her own watch and stood with a sigh. “ Thank you,” she said earnestly to the King. “ For everything. I don’t know what I would have done without you to take care of me.”

“ It was a pleasure.” The King rose and embraced her. “ Thank you for being yourself, Samantha. It has been a joy to know you.” He let her go and reached behind him, taking hold of a small leather pouch. With a sad smile, he took her hand and placed the pouch on her palm, closing her fingers around it and raising her hand to his lips to kiss it. “ I want you to have this. Please, do not open it yet. Save it until you are gone. It will remind you of me. Look at it and think of the pleasant times you spent here.”

“ Okay.” She reached out to hug him again, a tear sliding down her cheek. “ I’ll miss you.”

“ As I will you.”

Jack’s watch beeped again so she stepped away from the King and moved to Jack’s side. Smiling through her tears, she waved at the King as they were engulfed in a wave of bright light. Seconds later, the place where they had stood was empty and the King was left alone to grieve for another loved one he’d lost.

~*~

Back aboard Thor’s ship, they were slowly moved out of Velenthia’s orbit, heading for home. Sam stood at one of the view windows, watching the planet get smaller and smaller as she fingered the leather pouch the King had given her. Taking a deep breath as she said goodbye to another planet that had become home, she untied the string at the top of the bag and emptied the contents onto her palm.

“ Oh God,” Sam gasped as she turned the gold locket over in her hand. Closing her eyes, she tightened her fingers around it and held it close to her heart.

“ Carter?” Jack came up behind her, putting a hesitant hand on her shoulder. “ You okay?”

“ I’m fine, thanks.” Her eyes opened and she showed him what was in her hand. “ It belonged to his wife,” she explained as he gazed down at the gold locket. “ There’s a poem engraved on the back. It was read at their wedding. He gave this to her as a wedding present.”

“ And now he’s given it to you,” he finished, taking the locket gently from her hand. She looked confused until he undid the clasp of the chain and it dawned on her what he was doing. Holding her hair of his way, she stood statue-still until he fastened the clasp and let go of the locket. Turning her gently to face him, he smiled. “ It looks good on you.”

“ Thanks,” she smiled shyly and let her hair fall around her shoulders. After a few uncomfortable minutes of silence, she returned her attention to the rapidly shrinking planet. “ I’m going to miss it, no matter how bad things got over the last few days.”

“ That’s understandable,” he commented quietly. “ You spent a lot of time there, made a lot of friends..”

“ It still seems so unreal,” she admitted with a short, nervous laugh. “ Nothing that happened there since you guys arrived.. It just doesn’t seem possible.”

“ No, it doesn’t,” Jack agreed, shifting uncomfortably. “ Umm, Carter.. There were things that happened down there.. Things that were said.. Now we’re going home..”

“ The whole situation was very intense,” Sam justified for him. “ Everything that happened.. happened on the spur of the moment. It wasn’t.. It wasn’t real.”

Jack nodded, relieved. “ So we’re.. We’re okay?”

“ We’re okay, Colonel,” Sam smiled assuredly at him. “ What happened between us down there stays between us. We can get past it. We’re going to have to get past it. There’s no room for anything like that at home.” She breathed in slowly. “ Home. It’s so strange to think about going back there.”

“ Feeling nervous?”

“ Oh, yeah.” Sam released her breath slowly, one of her hands moving to fidget with her locket. “ I’m sure Captain Gardam’s had plenty of time to say whatever she wants to say about me. There’ll be no one at the SGC who doesn’t know what kind of life I’ve led here. It’s going to be hard to face them.”

“ You’ll cope.” Jack reassured her with a friendly clap on the shoulder as he walked away. “ You always do.”

“ Not always,” she muttered under her breath once he was out of earshot. She wrapped her arms about herself and took deep, calming breaths. Denying all that had happened to them was the right thing to do. Once she had settled back into the role of Major Carter, if she settled back into the role, they wouldn’t be allowed to have anything else.

She bit down on her bottom lip and brought a hand to her cheek to wipe away the remnants of the single tear that escaped from her eye. She was going back to an uncertain future on a world she felt she didn’t belong on. She was going back to the rules and regulations that restricted who she was and what she was entitled to have and feel. She was going back to discover who were her true friends, and who were her enemies.

Sam tightened her arms around herself and sighed shakily. After months of wanting to go home, why wasn’t she happier about actually doing it? Why did she feel like it was just the beginning of the nightmare, rather than its end?

~*~

Thor appeared with a flash of light as the ship slowed to a halt in Earth’s orbit. “ Major Carter, Colonel O’Neill. I will send you home now.”

“ Thank you, Thor,” Sam gave him a genuine smile.

“ Yeah, thanks, Buddy,” Jack chimed in. “ We owe ya one.”

“ It was my pleasure,” Thor bowed his head. “ I will personally make sure your belongings are sent to your home.” They were transported down before she could thank him again.

They were in the gateroom. On their arrival, an unnatural hush fell over all of the technicians and soldiers who were milling around. Everyone just stopped what they were doing and stared at them in surprise. Sam felt something twist in the pit of her stomach and unwittingly took a step closer to Jack.

“ It’s okay,” he whispered comfortingly.

The heavy doors to the gateroom slid open and Evelyn and Nicholi bounded in, with Janet and Daniel on their heels and General Hammond and Teal’c following at a slightly more reserved pace.

“ Samantha!” Evelyn threw her arms around her and hugged her tightly. “ I am so glad to see you! I was so worried Colonel O’Neill would be too late!”

“ We almost were,” Jack spoke up, addressing General Hammond. “ That’s why we took a little longer to get home, Sir. Thor had to do some medicine-thing to Carter.”

General Hammond appeared concerned. “ You’re okay, Major?”

“ Yes, Sir,” Sam smiled weakly as Evelyn disengaged her from their embrace and moved to stand beside her fiancé. “ I’m fine, thank you.”

Beaming, General Hammond stepped closer to her and embraced her in a fatherly hug. “ Welcome home, Sam. It’s good to have you back.”

Smiling fondly, Sam returned the hug and they pulled apart. “ It’s good to be back, Sir.”

Daniel and Janet were the next to hug her, both of them too impatient to wait to hug her separately, the three of them hugging enthusiastically. “ You’re home!” She wasn’t sure which one of them said it but it struck a cord with her. Everyone kept saying she was home and welcoming her home.. but it didn’t feel as she’d expected it to. She didn’t feel like she was home.

“ Well, I think Major Carter has been through enough for the time being.” General Hammond’s voice broke the group apart. Daniel moved away to stand by Teal’c but Janet lingered at her friend’s side. “ Colonel, I’d like to hear your report now.”

“ Yes, Sir.” With a small grin in Sam’s direction, Jack followed his superior officer out of the gateroom.

“ Hey, Nicholi, Evelyn, you wanted to see where you might be living,” Daniel remembered, his eyes lighting up. “ Come on and I’ll show you some pictures of where you could end up. See you later Sam, welcome back.” Waving, Daniel took Evelyn and Nicholi from the gateroom, Teal’c following as he usually did.

Sam blinked rapidly to clear her vision, the tears she felt suffocating her rising to prickle her eyes. She forced herself to take deep breaths, feeling as though she were about to start hyperventilating.

“ So Sam,” Janet smiled, obvious to Sam’s growing panic, putting an arm around her friend’s waist. “ I’ve got the perfect treat for you after your medical and debriefing. A gallon of Chunky Chocolate ice cream and the latest Richard Gere movie. What more could a girl want?” Sam didn’t answer but her breathing became more and more laboured. “ Sam honey? What’s wrong?”

“ I need to get out of here,” Sam gasped, fighting the urge to be sick. She felt dizzy and terrified, seeing the people in the Gateroom look at her from the corner of their eyes, pointing discreetly and whispering. “ I need to get out of here, Janet.”

“ Okay.” Janet tried to be reassuring and calming, sensing the panic rising in Sam as her friend frantically looked around. “ It’s okay, Sam. We’ll go to my office, okay? Come on.” Hurriedly, she led Sam out of the Gateroom, quickening their pace once they were away from the prying eyes of the Gateroom technicians.

Within no time at all, they were safely enclosed in the sanctuary of Janet’s office. Sam all but collapsed into the chair she was offered, burying her head in her hands as her body trembled. Unsure as to what to do, Janet poured her a glass of water and held it out to Sam, frowning at the fear she saw in her friend’s eyes when Sam lifted her head to take it.

“ Thanks,” Sam mumbled, struggling to keep a steady grip on the glass. She took a little sip, certain she wouldn’t be able to manage more than that.

“ Sam?” Janet asked a few minutes later, taking the glass from her before she dropped it. “ You want to tell me what happened back there?”

Shaking her head, Sam wrapped her arms around herself, trembling violently. “ I can’t do this, Janet,” she whispered brokenly. “ I can’t come back here. I can’t stand the whispers and the looks, knowing what everyone’s thinking about me.. I can’t be the person I’m supposed to be.” A tear made its way down her cheek, followed by another and another. “ I don’t know how to be the person you all want me to be. I can’t remember what she was like.”

“ Hey.” Janet knelt beside her chair and gently tugged Sam into her arms, startled to see her normally so in-control friend so emotionally unstable. Her mind wandered back to the journal she had hidden in the bottom drawer of her desk, wondering what would be revealed once she started reading it, wondering if there would be an explanation for the changes her friend had undergone, wondering if she was brave enough to find out what they were. “ Sam, you've been through so much this year, it's understandable that you're a little confused. Hell, after what you've been through since joining the SGC.. This is bound to be traumatic for you. You were taken from one life, put in another and now you've been taken from that one. It's going to take time for you to get your bearings again. You'll need time to adjust and no one is going to fault you for that.” Moving away slightly to look into Sam's eyes, Janet gave her the most reassuring smile she could muster. “ You have us all here to help you do that. We're here for you now, no matter what.”

“ What if I can’t adjust?” Sam sniffed, too tired and scared to bother wiping the tears away from her face. “ What if I let everyone down and can’t fit in at the SGC anymore? I don’t know if I can go on fighting, Janet. I don’t know if I can start being Major-Doctor Carter again after being away from the role for so long.”

“ If you can’t, you’ll still have us,” Janet promised. “ It will take a lot for us to leave you alone, Sam. I promise you that. No matter what happens, no matter what you decide, you will *always* have us.”

Sam wasn't so sure. She forced a smile and pretended like she was convinced, drying her eyes and allowing Janet to lead her to the infirmary for her physical. She sat on the bed and did what she was told to do, listening half-heartedly to what Janet was saying, careful to smile and make appropriate noises in the right places.

Her mind was elsewhere. Her mind was whirling with doubts and fears.

The character of Major Carter, the role she was expected to play in this place.. It seemed so illusive, so far off. She couldn't believe she had ever been that confident, that sure of herself. It didn't seem possible. It didn't seem real.

She was trapped between two lives, two different personas. One on Earth that she had abandoned all hope of returning to, the way of life she had allowed herself to forget because it was less painful than remembering. One on Velenthia she had learned to embrace and accept that had given her the chance to live a life without expectations to live up to, without any rules or regulations or the fear of rejection to restrict her in anyway.

They had both been cruelly taken from her, and she had been forced to alter her life to suit them. The two planets’ she had been able to call home no longer felt like home. She felt like a stranger, a traveller, a visitor to someone else’s world.

She felt lost and alone and more terrified than she had ever felt before.

“ So I went out on a shopping spree and bought all the Richard Gere movies I could find, determined to make you watch them when you came home,” Janet was saying as she tuned herself back into the conversation, forcing a smile as Janet looked at her expectantly. “ I think I blew the limit on my credit card but who cares? It’s worth it, right?”

“ Sure,” Sam nodded automatically. “ It’s worth it.”

Sitting there talking to Janet, seeing Janet smile reassuringly at her and do all she could to put her at ease, Sam felt a small portion of her anxiousness dissipate. She couldn’t be certain her friendships with her team mates would survive were she to leave the SGC; in her mind, her friendship with Jack - Colonel O’Neill – was already in jeopardy thanks to the new memories they’d created on Velenthia, memories she knew she was going to have trouble forgetting. His words to her on Thor’s ship had made sense but they’d hurt. Janet was different, though. That was why she’d entrusted her with her journal. Janet would understand all she’d done and all she’d been through.

After all, if Janet didn’t..

.. No one would.

~*~

“And when I left, it's you who stayed.

You always knew that I'd come home again.

In the end,

You are my one true friend.”

~ ‘One True Friend’, Bette Midler

~*~

The End. Thanks for reading!

This story is continued in its epilogue, ‘Near yet Far: Home Is..’

Feedback is so much more than welcome J

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