Title: What Hides Within (Eye of the Beholder II)

"What happened, Teal'c? How's Sam?" Daniel couldn't contain himself any longer. After he'd been returned to them, Teal'c had given them a grave warning and had then sat down and spent half an hour trying unsuccessfully to meditate. Whatever he'd seen had left him greatly disturbed. "What did they do to you?"

"They did nothing to me." Teal'c turned his head and met his eyes, seeing the surprise play out momentarily at what he knew was the haunted look that arranged his features. "They have Major Carter connected to the memory recall device. It is as Jacob Carter feared, they are forcing her to use her ability to serve their purpose."

Glancing up from where he sat beside the still unconscious Jacob, Jack saw the look on his friends face and couldn't stop the shiver that worked its way down her spine. "How's Carter holding up, Teal'c?"

"I believe Major Carter is being subjected to a cruel and painful form of torture," Teal'c answered quietly. "She was quite obviously in pain, O'Neill. They forced her to foretell my death and I believe her father's because the future she showed them was not to their liking. I have rarely seen Major Carter cry, yet she did so today. And she apologised to me also. I believe she blames herself for all that has happened. That she blames her abilities and therefore has taken on the burden of our capture as being her own fault."

"But that's stupid!" Daniel burst out. "Sam's not to blame! We were all tricked into coming here. It's Malek and Anise and all the Tok'ra who decided their new ways are better. She can't blame herself for this."

At first appearing to be lost in thought, Jack's expression changed from being thoughtful to being one of utter determination. "No, but she will be. Daniel, they'll come for one of us next. Whoever it is has to tell her it's not her fault. Ignore the Tok'ra and whatever they try to distract you with. Just make sure she knows and tell her we are getting out of here. She just has to hold on. Just.. Tell her to hold on. We'll get out of here."

Neither Teal'c nor Daniel responded. The energy field dropped and another Tok'ra they hadn't met before stepped in. He wasn't alone. He looked between Daniel and the Colonel and then pointed wordlessly at the younger of the two men.

"No," Daniel fought valiantly as the Tok'ra grabbed him. "I won't help you hurt her."

"Silence." The Tok'ra who had stepped into the room first spoke, pointing a zat at the Colonel and Jacob. "If you do not come, I will kill the one known as Jacob Carter. One shot should suffice."

Grudgingly, throwing the Tok'ra a glare, Daniel got to his feet. "Okay. I'll come with you. I won't help you, you'll get nothing out of me."

The Tok'ra smiled and moved aside so Daniel and his escort could pass. "I'm sure that's what you believe at this moment, Doctor Jackson. Whether it is the truth remains to be seen."

~#~

The first thing she noticed was the bright light. The second thing she noticed was that she was tied down.

A groan escaped her lips, promptly followed by the words "where am I?"

Above her, a face loomed into view. An unfamiliar face of a woman. The stranger stared down on her, a smile spreading over her face. "Do not worry. You are safe now."

The face disappeared.

She was alone again, still restrained.

'Do not worry.' Yeah, right. And just how was she supposed to do that?

'You are safe now.'

Uh-huh. And if she believed that, she'd believe anything. How could she be safe when she didn't know where she was? Where her friends were?

How could she be safe when all she could feel was fear?

~#~

He was full of good intentions, determined to not to let them hurt her anymore. The old saying 'the road to hell is paved with good intentions' came to mind the moment he was pushed into the room, the movie of memories playing out sending all of his good intentions from his mind.

Sha're. Carefree, Goa'uld free, laughing Sha're. How she was when he'd first met her on Abydos, all those years ago.

He let them lead him over to Sam, sitting on the ground at her feet. He stared up at the screen, watching in amazement as his late wife laughed and smiled and teased.. him?

"Welcome to your memories," Anise broke the silence that descended on the room as the vision came to an abrupt end. "Major Carter was just showing us how you and your wife met. Make yourself comfortable and we'll see all of the best bits of your marriage. And the worst."

"I'm sorry, Daniel," Sam mumbled, her eyes shut as her head leaned against the back of the chair. "I can't stop it."

He wanted to tell her it was okay, that she couldn't blame herself. He wanted to, but couldn't. He was too intrigued, too distracted by the memories on display to talk to her. Good memories, bad memories. Some he hadn't allowed himself to think of for a long, long time.

He saw himself trying his hand at an every day Abydonian task and failing miserably. He couldn't make out which one, there were so many things he'd tried that he couldn't do. Sha're was there, laughing at his attempts as she was known to do. She moved towards him, the smile still lighting her face, and showed him how it was done, unaware that he spent most of his time watching her face than what she was showing him with her hands.

The scene changed. For the first time, he saw that fateful day when Sha're was taken from him from her perspective. He sat there, knowing what was going to happen but willing it not to. Willing her stay where she was hidden.

Wishing wasn't enough to change the past.

He cried out as she was caught, closed his eyes as Apophis used the hand device on her. He couldn't watch as she was taken through the Stargate, as she was chosen, as her screams crawled through his skin and echoed around his mind as the Goa'uld climbed across her skin and buried its way into her through the delicate skin at the back of her neck just below her hairline.

His eyes opened when she screamed his name and he watched as his wife gave birth to a child that wasn't his. Her eyes glowed and the symbiote was back.

That had been the last time he saw his wife alive, without her having been in the Goa'uld's control. It hurt to know she had loved him then, had still loved him when she died, that she'd trusted him to help her and that he'd failed her. He hadn't managed to take her back to Earth, hadn't managed to rid her of the Goa'uld and reunite her with her son.

And she'd died. Teal'c had killed her, the scene playing out reminded him of that. As if he could forget. Daniel had managed to get over the anger, though, understanding that Teal'c had done what was necessary. He thought he'd managed to move on from the feelings of guilt he had over Sha're, only to have them thrown back in his face when Sarah reappeared in his life.

Another woman he cared about, another woman he'd once loved. Trapped in her own body, taken hostage by a parasite. Forced to do unspeakable things. Would they ever rescue Sarah from Osiris? He wondered. Or was she destined to be a host until Osiris grew tired of her, or until she and the Goa'uld she carried were killed in battle? If they did rescue her, if by chance she lived, what sort of life would she have then? Could she ever learn to accept and overcome the horrors she'd faced, the deaths she caused?

As if sensing the direction his thoughts had taken, Osiris appeared on screen. Sam gasped in pain, her forehead damp with perspiration. She felt tired, she felt sick. She was getting fainter and dizzier with every second and wasn't sure how long she could fight them, how long she could stay conscious.

"Daniel Jackson," Osiris smiled at him – his onscreen counterpart. "We meet again."

He couldn't keep his gaze off her. He barely heard her words, barely heard her explain he had come to be her prisoner, how the Tok'ra had traded him in order to prevent her from revealing their location. Of course now she had him, what was to say she would honour their deal? It didn't matter, anyway, Osiris told him with a smile, motioning to a Jaffa who came forward clutching a ceramic jar in his hands.

She had what she wanted.

Daniel closed his eyes and swallowed the lump that rose in his throat on hearing his own screams.

The noise was replaced suddenly by two others: the quiet weeping of his teammate and friend, the amused laughter of Anise.

"Interesting idea," she commented with a wide smile. "Thank you, Major Carter. It may prove useful to us." She stared at the weakened woman and then at the shaken man and smiled again. "Take him," she ordered softly. "He has served his purpose."

"Sam." Daniel, waking from his daze, called out to her in a voice weakened by all he'd seen. He'd let her down, he realised. He'd failed to follow Jack's orders. "Sam, don't listen to them." He was dragged away, up onto his feet and towards the only entrance to the room. "You can't blame yourself for this, it's what they want. They want you to give in. Don't let them win, Sam. Fight them."

~#~

All too soon, the energy field to the cell SG-1 were in was dropped again. To the surprise of the Tok'ra, Colonel O'Neill went without protest. He was silent as they led him through the tunnels, refusing to rise to their jibes and taunts. Daniel had admitted he'd been too distracted by what the Tok'ra device had shown him to reassure Carter and Jack was determined he wouldn't fall into the same trap.

It wasn't easy, though. Especially when he walked into the room to find his son's death seemingly providing the Tok'ra with their hourly dose of entertainment.

With willpower he hadn't know he possessed, Jack tore his gaze away from his son and onto the trembling woman in the chair. He swallowed hard. Teal'c hadn't exaggerated when he said it was taking its toll on her. He didn't think he'd ever seen her look so pale or so fragile. Then again, he supposed she probably wasn't getting the daily food and water ration he and the others were. She was, after all, the person they'd been after. The rest of them were an added bonus.

Anger fuelled his determination at the sight of both her and his son. He shook off the Tok'ra at his side, who'd mistakenly though he'd be too distracted by what was on screen to do anything else but watch. With quick strides, he crossed the room and knelt down beside her chair.

His fingers itched to undo the straps cutting into her wrists but his Tok'ra chaperone moved just as quickly and pushed him down and away, hitting him in the face when he tried to get up.

"Carter." Ignoring everything and everyone else, he reached out and touched her leg, the only part of her he could reach. "Whatever they say and whatever they do, it doesn't mean anything. It doesn't matter, okay? We're going to get out of here."

"It's no use, Colonel." Malek and Anise exchanged a triumphant smile. "Major Carter is lost to you now. She's too confused, too caught up in visions of the past and of the future to respond."

"It's only a matter of time before she gives in completely," Anise added gleefully, " before she shows us what we want to see or she dies trying and we learn how to recreate her ability in one of us. In someone strong enough to undergo this treatment."

The scene changed again, showing the second Stargate mission, showing the death of his friend Major Kawalsky. He didn't know what they'd said to her before he arrived but he didn't have to be a genius to guess it was something to do with him and the worst times of his life. It didn't bear thinking about what she'd seen before he'd entered the room as he knew that his life had been plagued with more dark moments than it had light.

He knew he was right when he glanced at the screen and saw Carter herself, only it wasn't Carter he was looking at. It was Jolinar. He didn't recognise where she was at first, it wasn't a scene that was stored in his memory – it was at Carter's house, he realised eventually.

"Look at me," he ordered, breaking the hold the pictures had over him. He wiped his mouth, unsurprised at the blood that stained his hand, a result of the Tok'ra's temper. "Carter. Sam." Her head remained lowered, the occasional whimper escaping her. "That's an order, *Major*."

Her head snapped up at the same time as his snapped to the side, another blow from the Tok'ra adding to the cut on his lip with what felt like a black eye. She stared at him as though seeing him for the first time and Jack was pleased to note that the pictures on the screen flickered and jumped like those on a television would with bad reception or a poor signal.

"Hey, Carter." He gave her a lopsided grin, trying not to notice the bruises under her eyes or the gaunt look to her face. "You've got to listen to me, okay? Don't let them do this to you. Don't give up. We'll get out of here soon."

"Only in your dreams, Colonel," Anise retorted, her eyes flashing indignantly. "Major, perhaps you'd like to show us how the good Colonel here is going to die. Maybe that will prove to him how pointless clinging to his hope is."

"No, Carter, don't." Jack maintained eye contact, forcing her to return his gaze. "Concentrate on something else. Concentrate on the Halloween party we have for Cassie her first year with us. Remember how much fun she had deciding what we'd all dress up as.."

For a second, her attention wavered. The Tok'ra tunnels that had formed on screen disappeared, replaced by an image of Cassandra Fraiser as she had been when they'd first found her. Then the tunnels were back and then they faded again and there was an old man – the Colonel? – seemingly sound asleep with an elderly woman at his side. Then it was the tunnels again, then Cassie, then the four of them dressed up as characters from The Wizard of Oz and Cassandra was telling them her dog would be Toto and her Mom would be the Good Witch of the North..

"And who will you be?" Sam had asked, feeling ridiculous in her blue dress as Dorothy but unwilling to do anything to upset the little girl who got so much pleasure out of it. "You can't dress us up and not join in."

Cassandra had paused then, her brow furrowing thoughtfully. Then she'd smiled and ran off, leaving Sam and her mother alone in the kitchen. "Colonel Jack!"

The Colonel, dutifully dressed as the Scarecrow, caught her as she ran towards him, tickling her to make her squeal. "What's up, Cassie?"

"Samantha says I have to get dressed up, too," the young girl said with a smile, wrapping her small arms around his neck when he picked her up. "What can I be, Colonel Jack?"

"Well.." he grinned at her, tickled her a little more and looked up to see Sam and Janet lingering in the doorway, watching them with interest. "If we didn't already have a Toto, you could've been him.. I suppose now you're going to have to be.. a munchkin!"

"A munchkin?" Cassandra pulled a face then, shaking her head. "I don't want to be a munchkin." Her eyes lit up suddenly and she leaned forward, a shy smile on her face. "Can I be the ballerina munchkin, Colonel Jack?"

"That's great, Sam." Jack grinned at her, giving her leg a squeeze. Her expression was still distant but the corners of her mouth had tugged up a little, a sharp contrast with the tearstains he could see on her cheeks. "Keep concentrating on the good bits. Don't.."

He didn't get to finish his sentence. He was kicked in the stomach and pushed away from her, the breath leaving his lungs as the Tok'ra stood between the two of them. Another Tok'ra advanced on him, raising his hand and striking him hard across the face. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Anise stride towards Carter, the sound of the Tok'ra slapping her echoing in his head.

To his surprise and relief, though, Sam lifted her head after the blow, meeting Anise's glare with a heated look of her own. She was still in there somewhere, Carter wasn't beaten yet and the satisfaction he felt at that almost outweighed the relief.

"Show us our future," Anise ordered sharply.

"Don't, Sam," Jack called out to her, backing away from Malek as the Tok'ra advanced on him. "Focus on your own future. On our future away from this place."

Again the screen flickered between two visions. Grinding her teeth, Sam pushed one of them away and mentally clung to the other with all of her remaining strength, with desperation.

It was a lovely warm day. Sunny but not too bright. She could feel the warmth against her skin, hear the whispering of the breeze and the chirping birds. The grass beneath her felt soft and supple and she didn't have to look around to recognise the park in Colorado Springs, the same one she'd taken Cassandra to during the little girl's first real days on Earth.

She heard laughter and familiar voices growing nearer and smiled to herself. She caught sight of a blond blur and opened her arms just in time to catch the child that ran to her and cuddled into her side. Her smile grew as something inside her moved. Her unborn child, the one entertaining her first born if the giggles muffled against her arm were anything to go by.

They weren't alone for long. Cassandra and Janet joined her, spreading out a blanket and sitting nearby. They both smiled at her but she could see the concern in their eyes.

"I'm fine, guys," she heard herself speak, letting her gaze stray from mother to daughter and back again. "I know I scared you when I, you know, but I'm fine. There's nothing for you to worry about. I just got a little freaked out."

Janet and Cassandra exchanged glances and stared at her, apparently needing a little more convincing. "So.. Your week away helped?"

That, she knew, was her friends way of asking for details without looking as though she were prying. "It helped, yes." Her eyes slid closed and she smiled, remembering the short vacation, memories Sam couldn't access as she sat in the Tok'ra tunnels but hoped one day she would be able to. "We talked a lot about the differences between this pregnancy and the last one. And how this one isn't going to end the same way."

"Well we could've told you that." She didn't need to open her eyes to know Cassandra was smiling at her, the young girl obviously relieved they'd worked out what had been troubling her.

She also didn't need to see to know whose arms went around her or who her child called 'Daddy.' She knew instinctively and her heart pounded with the knowledge. 'Please let it be real,' she thought to herself desperately, 'please let it be real.'

"It's a delusion," Anise declared angrily, ripping out the device at Sam's temple with what sounded like a growl. "You have been lying to us, Major. You can manipulate and choose to see what you want."

Sam opened her eyes at the pain, noticing in surprise that the Colonel was nowhere to be seen, having been taken back to his cell throughout the vision she'd allowed herself to get caught up in. She met Anise's gaze challengingly, but couldn't work up the strength to talk.

"Enjoy your little fantasy, Samantha," Anise murmured, leaning in close and grasping Sam by the hair. "That's all it is. An illusion created by false hope. You and your friends are going to die here. There'll be no laughter, no children. No happiness. This is the only life you will know until the day you die."

~#~

/part five

~#~

The days and nights all merged together into one long night. She had never thought it possible that she would ever suffer from claustrophobia in the tunnels of her own making. Garshaw had lived in the Tok'ra tunnels for more years than she cared to remember but if she had to spend another day trapped below she thought she'd go insane.

Her companions felt the same way, including the youngest of them all, one of the few young Tok'ra who still believed in the old ways. Charlie sat on the blanket that had become his bed, staring solemnly at the entrance to the room.

The empty doorway mocked him, beckoned him closer. He knew it wasn't as benign as it seemed but that didn't stop him from wanting to get up and try to pass through it.

"Charlie," Garshaw joined him, crossing the room swiftly and silently. "I know you are worried about Jacob and Selmac but there is nothing you can do to help them."

"Do you think Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter are here?" Charlie asked quietly, his gaze fixed on the entrance.

"Unfortunately, I believe they are." She sighed heavily and took his hand to comfort him. Despite the fact his young body was home to a symbiote several decades old, he was still young to her. "If they believed Jacob was injured or in need, they would have come immediately. The Tau'ri value their relationships with their parents, you should understand that better than I."

Charlie gave a slow nod and wrapped his fingers around hers. "Mother said that the humans developed strong relationships with their children. That's why she left me with Jack, because she knew he would do what's best for me."

"And he did," Garshaw smiled softly. "He let Jacob bring you here so we could give you a symbiote and heal you."

The young boy turned to her then, his eyes bright yet older than they had a right to be. "I don't want Sam to get hurt, Garshaw. I don't want them to hurt her or Jack or Jacob. They were nice to me, they don't deserve to be hurt in this way."

"No, they don't." She let go of his hand and wrapped her arm around his small shoulders. "And neither do you." She looked to one of the other Tok'ra in the room, a woman called Renee with a symbiote called Laina. "Laina, could you please check with the guards when our next meal is due? And ask if someone will meet with me?"

Laina gave her a respectful nod and walked towards the doorway. She called for the Tok'ra who had been guarding them but no one came. Frowning, she took a step forward, crying out when she lost her balance.

The energy field wasn't there to break her fall as she'd expected. She managed to regain her footing and stood outside of the room, staring into it in surprise. "Garshaw," she called out softly. "The entrance is clear."

Her brow furrowed, barely daring to hope, Garshaw got to her feet and slowly walked over to where Liana stood. As she approached the female Tok'ra, one of the guards who had been standing at the entrance to their room appeared.

"Please, forgive me," the Tok'ra, a young man named Arlen, lowered his head briefly in a sign of regret and then looked up at them. "To atone for my mistake I have lowered the shields blocking all of the exits keeping you and the others contained. The other guards have been disposed of and secured in a holding cell of their own. I encourage you to spread the word quickly and quietly and leave through the Stargate before the others notice you are free."

"What are the Tau'ri and Jacob Carter?" Charlie joined them, his eyes earnest as he stared up at the elder Tok'ra. "Are they free to leave?"

Arlen shook his head and glanced nervously over his shoulder as Laina and the other Tok'ra from their cell went to spread the news. "The three male members of SG-1 are being held along another tunnel. Major Carter and Doctor Fraiser are being held elsewhere. I was not permitted to know where exactly but I believe they are in adjoining caverns."

More and more Tok'ra joined them, looking to Garshaw as the oldest, being second only to Selmac, for guidance. "We will have to take the Stargate by force," she told them, her words soft but delivered in a way that demanded they be obeyed. "Arlen, Laina and myself will go and find Selmac and the Tau'ri. The rest of you will go to the Stargate and secure it for our departure. If you have to use force, I authorise you to do so. There are as many of us as there are them. Hopefully no deaths will be necessary."

Arlen reached into his pockets and took out two GDOs. "I took these from where the Tau'ri weapons were stored," he explained, giving one to Garshaw and the other to the Tok'ra heading the ground going to the Stargate. "You will find the remainder of their weapons as well as some of our own in the first cavern at the mouth of this tunnel."

"Thank you, Arlen, you have planned this well." Garshaw gave him a nod, the closest he would get to his apology being accepted. "Go now and go quickly. We will join you soon and depart for the Tau'ri world. Let's hope they grant us refuge despite all that has been done to them in our name."

The two groups split up with Charlie insisting he stay with Garshaw. Arlen led the way through the tunnels, neutralising any resistance they met on the way. The Tok'ra, the ones who had been in control, were fortunately unprepared for an escape attempt on such a wide scale so were quietly and quickly taken out.

On reaching the entrance to the room the Tau'ri were in, Arlen revealed himself first, distracting the two Tok'ra guarding the door with casual conversation moments before Garshaw and Laina disabled them with zat fire.

Laina and Arlen dragged the unconscious bodies into another cell, activating the barrier to keep them in as Garshaw went to work on disengaging the one keeping SG-1 confined.

"It's okay, Jack," Charlie called into the room, standing to stand at the entrance when his impatience got the better of him. "We're going to get you out of here."

~#~

"Jack," the voice was weak and gravely, his breathing shallow and uneven. Without hesitation, Jack moved over to Jacob, putting his hand to the back of the older man's neck to offer support as Jacob sipped at the meagre water supply they had left. It was the second time he had regained consciousness, the first being after Jack had been taken to Sam. "You've seen her?" Jacob asked croakily, having drank as much as he could.

The Colonel nodded and stifled a groan as his bruised ribs protested at the effort it took to ease Jacob into a sitting position. "She's holding on, Jacob. She's okay."

"No." Jacob shook his head and stared at him with a troubled look on his face. "She'll need help, Jack, if you get her out of here." He closed his eyes as a tear slid down his cheek. "They.. They made her watch her mother die. I never told her I was there. I never told her what happened. I said Meg died instantly, that there was no pain. I lied to her, Jack. And now she knows her mom was in agony. Now she knows the truth."

"She'll understand, Jake." Jack resisted the urge to close his eyes and swear at the injustice of it all. He fought the urge to hit something and let his anger at how Carter was being treated show. 'Hasn't she been though enough?' he raged silently, picturing the sweet shy smile on her face before her first trip through the Stargate and comparing it to the withdrawn expression he'd seen on her face more and more in recent months. Pushing his own feelings aside, Jack forced himself to focus on Jacob. "She'll know you were just trying to protect her and she'll be okay with it. Carter's not a kid, Jacob. She's not a little girl who's just lost her mom. She'll be okay. It might take her a while to get over everything she's been through but she will get through it."

He wished he could be as confident as he sounded, wished he could believe his words as easily as Jacob apparently could. He sighed softly to himself when he realised Jacob was once again unconscious and let his own eyes close. He was dozing, wondering whether it was day or night when he heard shuffling and scuffling outside.

Teal'c and Daniel heard it, too. They got to their feet, the pair of them moving closer to the entrance – and closer to the others. Teal'c stared at the entrance, all three of them waiting with tense shoulders for whatever the Tok'ra had to throw at them.

A figure appeared at the doorway, smaller than the other Tok'ra they'd met – and he was waving, too. "It's okay, Jack. We're going to get you out of there."

"Charlie!" Jack stood up and moved closer, the grin that spread across his face causing his lip to reopen but he didn't pay any attention to it, too pleased at the thought of leaving. "How'd you get out? We thought we were all being held in other tunnels.."

The energy field dropped and Garshaw joined the young boy in the tunnel outside. "We were until our friend Arlen released us. Come, there is not much time. We must escape while the others have the Stargate secured."

Teal'c and Arlen hauled Jacob up between them. Jack and Daniel followed the three out into the tunnel, gladly taking back their weapons and the GDO Garshaw offered Jack. "We're still missing two of our people," Jack said quietly, keeping his eyes pealed for any sign of unwelcome company. "We're not leaving them behind. I think we know our way to Carter but Doc's another story."

"Doctor Fraiser is being kept in the room next door to Major Carter," Arlen supplied immediately, his words accompanied by an apologetic look. "If you hurry you may find them together. I believe they are going to try one more time to use a friend against Major Carter."

"Then the sooner we get there the better," Jack declared grimly, securing his firearm in the holster at his hip but keeping his zat out in his hand.

Garshaw prevented him from going anywhere with a raised hand. "We do not have time, Colonel, I am sorry."

"Then you'll have to go without us," Jack spoke decisively, eyeing the Tok'ra. "It might work to our advantage. If you guys take Jacob back to Earth, they might think we're all gone and let their guard slip a little. We can take advantage of that, get Carter and Fraiser and join you as soon as we can. Daniel, switch places with Teal'c and go back to the SGC. Explain everything to General Hammond and if you don't hear from us in an hour, get him to send some back-up."

Daniel nodded, too tired and too on edge to protest. He quickly exchanged places with Teal'c, shifting uncomfortably under Jacob's weight until he and Arlen had readjusted the position of the unconscious man. "Good luck."

"Thanks." With a small wave of acknowledgement, Jack started to move away. "Keep the door open for us."

There was nothing Daniel could do but watch his two friends gradually disappear into the maze and hope he'd see them again soon. He followed the directions given to him by the Tok'ra, repeating his mantra with every step he took. 'Hurry home,' he thought to himself as he helped carry Jacob through the Stargate ten minutes later. 'Please, all of you, come home soon.'

~#~

In Sam's room, Malek and Anise had no idea that so many of their people were being disposed of and confined in rooms by the same energy fields they thought were keeping their prisoners captive. They stood in front of her, gloating over having been proven right, over having seen what they thought of as proof that her visions were not always true visions but were sometimes things she wanted to see.

Janet had been brought into the room but they'd made no attempt at reconnecting Sam to the machine nor had they really acknowledged the doctor's presence. Janet sat where she'd been unceremoniously thrown, trying to build up the strength and the courage to provide Sam with a distraction she knew would be welcome.

"We have one more test for you, Major," Anise smiled, taking a step backwards. She moved over the console and picked up the small metal implant she'd removed none-too-gently from Sam's temple just over an hour ago. "And then for you, your time with us will be over."

"Over?" Janet managed to speak, shrinking backwards when Malek spun to face her. "You mean you'll let her go?"

For a second, he stared at her in disbelief. Then he started to laugh. "You cannot truly be so naïve. When she has served her purpose, she will die. We will then learn what we can from what remains behind."

"They want to recreate it," Sam spoke and took them all by surprise, her voice sounding as though it hadn't been used in a long, long time. "They want to study my brain and see if they can create a Tok'ra with my abilities. It's all rather Goa'uld-ish to me."

"Who said we have to use a Tok'ra?" Anise commented casually, walking towards the Major. "That said, perhaps you'd like to volunteer, Doctor Fraiser? Surely you can understand our curiosity in this matter. As a doctor you must be intrigued by the mystery of the human mind?"

"As a human being I'm more interested in the rights of the people involved," Janet responded bitingly. "As a doctor I'm worried at the damage such an experiment would cause the person you use."

Lifting one shoulder in a shrug, Anise took another step closer and opened her mouth to speak. She didn't get any closer, didn't get to say what was on her mind. She fell soundlessly to the floor, the implant rolling from her palm to rest somewhere unseen. Malek followed suit and Janet had to twist to the side to avoid the Tok'ra falling on top of her.

"Teal'c, Colonel." A smile broke out across her face when the Jaffa came into view and moved to help her stand while the Colonel hurried over to Sam and undid the straps at her wrists and ankles.

"Can you walk, Doctor Fraiser?" Teal'c steadied her with a hand when she wobbled on her feet but it was obvious his attention was focused on the entrance to the room rather than on her.

Janet gave him a nod and took a few shaky steps over to Sam and Jack to prove it. "I can but I don't know about Sam.."

"I'm okay," Sam murmured, eventually managing to stand but having to lean heavily on Jack to keep from falling over. He slipped a welcome arm around her waist and gave the doctor a small smile in answer to the silent question she asked.

"She'll be fine, Doc," he clarified, knowing his major well enough to know she wouldn't want to be seen showing any signs of weakness. Carter hated it when she was perceived as being the damsel in distress but she wasn't above accepting a little bit of help when it was offered to her. "We're going to have to hurry. I don't know how long it'll take the others to realise everyone else's gone. Teal'c, lead the way; Doc, after you."

The foursome hesitantly left the room, picking up the pace once they were in the tunnels. A thin sheen of perspiration broke out across Sam's forehead during the journey but she forced herself to stay conscious and do her bit. Jack felt her grow wearier and did his best to accommodate her. He wanted to stop and give her a chance to catch her breath but they couldn't spare the time. Instead, he lent her strength he didn't have to spare and together, the two of them managed to keep up with Teal'c and Janet.

Once they reached the Stargate, the reason they'd encountered no resistance became clear: most of the Tok'ra were unconscious, their bodies littering the ground around the Stargate. Jack wasn't sure if they were dead or alive but he couldn't find it in him to care.

Teal'c dialled the Stargate and Jack sent through the code. With Teal'c at her side, Janet went through first, shouting orders to the medical team waiting on the other side the moment she was through. Jack and Sam followed at a slightly slower rate, making it through and shouting for the Iris to be closed and the Stargate to be shut down.

Sam took two steps before stumbling, relying on the Colonel to gently lower her to the ramp. She held onto his arm as a group of nurses rushed in, her eyes pleading with him.

"Carter?" Crouching beside her, Jack covered her hand where it rested on his arm. "You okay?"

"My father," she mumbled, fighting to keep her eyes open. "Is my father..?"

He flashed her a brief grin and gave her fingers a reassuring squeeze. "Dad's fine, Carter. He made it back so now Doc and Garshaw will work their magic on him and he'll be fine."

"Good." An answering smile flickered over her lips but faded fast. Her eyes closed then, the lids too heavy to keep open, and she finally surrendered to the temptation of darkness.

~#~

/part six

~#~

"Dad!" Her breath caught in her throat as she sat up, pressing a hand against her heart. Sam took in her surroundings, confused at first, wondering where she was. Then the memories came crashing back to her and she let herself lie down and calmed her breathing. "Hello?"

The curtains around her bed moved. Janet stepped through them, smiling calmly. The white jacket swished around her with every step she took. "So you've decided to rejoin the world of the living."

"Yeah." Feeling as though her body had been drained of energy, Sam let her shoulders slump and gazed up at her friend through sleeping eyes. "Is my Dad okay? And you? The others..?"

"Everyone's fine." Janet perched on the edge of the bed and surveyed her through critical eyes. "Garshaw used the healing device on your father. He and Selmac are resting in their quarters, they wouldn't leave without making sure you were okay. I told them you would be but they wanted to see for themselves, I guess," Janet shrugged and rolled her eyes at the thought. "Daniel, Teal'c and Jack are okay. Jack's injuries are taking a little longer to heal but that's because he refused the Tok'ra's help and spent most of his time worrying about whether you were going to wake up or not."

Sam shifted uncomfortably, noticing the edge in Janet's voice. "Are you okay, Janet?" She continued quickly at the look that appeared on her friends face. "You're just acting strange.. And you never call the Colonel Jack. You were there, too. They treated you okay, didn't they?"

The look faded and Janet lowered her gaze, her fingers fidgeting with the thin white sheet on the bed. "No one's asked me if I'm okay. They've all been worried about you. But then they didn't do anything to me, Sam, and I sort of wish they did. You and your father and everyone else.. You went through your own version of hell and all I got were a couple of cuts and bruises."

"That's more than enough." Surprised at her own hesitance, Sam covered her friends hand with her own. "I'm sorry you had to go through any of it, Janet. You went to help my father, not to spend however long it was a Tok'ra prisoner."

"Well it worked out okay in the end." Janet smiled brightly and hopped off the bed. "I want you to spend a few days in the infirmary. I don't think there's any serious, long-lasting damage but you'll probably suffer from some bad headaches for a while. Don't worry, Sam," Janet added with another smile. "I checked and double-checked the results of the EEG. You're fine, I even got Garshaw and your father to check you were okay."

"Thank you." Her mind at ease, Sam closed her eyes when she felt one of the headaches Janet mentioned begin to build in her temples. "I'm so tired now."

"Then get some sleep." Edging closer to the curtains, Janet gazed at the half-asleep form of her friend and smiled softly. "I'll let the others know you woke up."

The only response she got from Sam was a sigh, the blond major relaxing for the first time in a long time believing she was finally safe.

~#~

Next time she woke up she wasn't alone. Sam turned her head to the side, a smile lighting her face when she saw who was sitting beside her bed. "Dad!"

"Sammie." Matching her smile with one of his own, Jacob moved to take her in his arms, closing his eyes when her arms went around his neck. "I'm so sorry, Sam. I should've.."

"Should've what, Dad?" Sam pulled back and looked at her father with a raised eyebrow. "There's nothing you could have done, Dad. If they hadn't used you to get to me, they'd have thought of something else. I'm sorry they hurt you to get to me. And I'm sorry they made you see, well, Mom. You shouldn't have had to see that again."

A shadow passed over Jacob's face. "We need to talk about that. I need to explain.."

"You don't have to, Dad," Sam cut him off, looking down at their joint hands only to be interrupted herself. "I think I know why.."

"Sam, we need to talk about it. Too many things have been left unsaid for too long." Jacob's expression was serious, his tone leaving no room for argument. "You know now I was there when your mother died. You know she didn't die instantly in the crash."

Chewing on her lip was a habit she'd adopted shortly after her mother died and it was one she put in practise for the duration of their conversation. "She was in pain, wasn't she? She was hurt badly?"

"Your mother had internal bleeding. She had been wearing her seatbelt but it didn't help her much. There was nothing the paramedics could do for us and we all knew it. She knew it. She was very brave, Sam."

"I know." A single tear ran down her cheek and Sam went willingly into her father's arms for the second time that day. "It wasn't your fault, Dad. You didn't know you'd get stuck in traffic. Mom could've waited but she was in such a rush to get home.."

"She had your birthday presents I the car," Jacob murmured against her hair, hiding his own tears from her eyes. "She was so pleased with them, Sam. She couldn't wait to get home and show me. She spent hours on the phone the day before she came home, telling me about everything.. Meg was so excited. A little worried you'd think some of the presents were too young for you but she was so happy to be coming home."

Sam sniffed and sat back, wiping at her cheek with one hand. Her blue eyes met her fathers, glittering with tears she refused to cry. "I miss her, Dad. I wish she was still here."

"Me too, honey." Jacob smiled tremulously and lifted a hand to her face, touching her cheek softly. "You look so much like her, Sam. If she could see you now she'd be so proud of you." Silence reigned for a few minutes but was broken by the sound of footsteps in the hallway outside. Jacob smiled and released her, dropping a kiss on her forehead as he stood. "There are a few people outside waiting to see you so I'd better go tell them they can come in."

"Thanks, Dad." She watched him disappear behind the curtains with a sad smile. It always seemed to take something bit or life threatening to get her father to open up to her – and every time he did, he usually left a few days later and pretended the conversation hadn't happened when they next met up. 'It doesn't matter,' she told herself firmly, pasting a smile on her face as the curtains around the bed started to move. 'It doesn't matter anymore.'

~#~

Two weeks later, her father announced he would stay for a few more days before heading to the planet the Tok'ra elders had found during their scouting missions with SG-units. Having had his company for almost all of those two weeks, Sam knew she shouldn't complain about his leaving but that didn't stop her from seeking refuge in her lab when she heard he'd be leaving soon. That was where Jack found her, surrounded by stacks of folders and files, apparently captivated by the blank screen of her laptop.

"I heard those things work a lot better if you switch on the power," he murmured, settling himself on the stool opposite her.

"What? Oh. Sir." Her cheeks flushed slightly and she closed the lid on the computer. "I didn't see you.. How long have you been there?"

"Not long." He picked up a gadget from her desk, something the size of a pen but with a bright blinking light on the end of it. "So you heard about Dad leaving?"

She lowered her gaze and her shoulders fell. "I knew he wouldn't stay forever. His place is with the Tok'ra now, not with me. If it was different, if all of the Tok'ra had gone bad and there was nowhere else for him to go, he'd probably stay but he's a Tok'ra now. He's not just my father anymore."

"He still is your father," he reminded her awkwardly, not expecting the outpour of thoughts his question received. "And, you know, the Tok'ra are going to need us a lot more now and I think they've learnt their lesson about not being superior over us so.. I wouldn't be surprised if we spent more time with them. Maybe Dad'll come back to visit sooner than you think."

His words encouraged a smile to spread across her face. "It'd be nice if he did." They looked at each other for a few moments before Sam realised what they were doing and shook herself mentally, breaking the contact. "So was there a reason you stopped by or did you just have some time to kill?"

"Carter, I'm shocked! You really think I only come to see you when I've got too much time on my hands?" The teasing grin encouraged a smile in response. "Actually, there is a reason I'm here. Teal'c and Daniel kind of nominated me to be our spokesman."

"Oh?" She smiled wider but raised an eyebrow when his expression changed into an embarrassed grimace. "What's wrong, Colonel? Has something happened..?"

Her mind worked overtime to come up with a possible problem Teal'c and Daniel wouldn't want to talk to her about. The colour drained from her face as one possibility sprang to mind: they didn't want her on the team anymore. They thought she was a liability, a weakness, a danger to the team. They didn't want to work with her in case someone else tried to use her ability to hurt them.

"Carter? You okay?" The Colonel had somehow moved to the other side of the bench. Sam blinked at him but couldn't push out any words passed the lump in her throat. "You want some water?" Taking her silence for a yes, Jack went over to the other bench and poured a glass, hurrying back to her side. He watched her take a sip, frowning at the unsteadiness of her hand when she set the glass back down. "Are you okay, Carter? You want me to get Doc?"

Sam shook her head and forced a weak smile. "I'm fine, it's okay. What were you going to tell me?"

"Are you sure you're okay?" He peered at her with concerned eyes, reaching for the glass at the same time as she did. Pulling his hand back, Jack settled for staring at her. "It wasn't a vision, was it?" He asked quietly, his gaze darting to the door to make sure there was no one there.

"No! No," she shook her head again and laced her fingers together. "No, I just got caught up in my thoughts. So, what is it Teal'c and Daniel are afraid to tell me?"

The mood broken, Jack grinned and retreated to his side of the bench, shifting uncomfortably on the stool as he thought about wording his reply. "It's about Fraiser," he started, looking everywhere else but at her. "Have you noticed any.. strange.. behaviour since we got back?"

Sam briefly recalled the doctor's abruptness when she woke up but dismissed it with a shake of her head. "I haven't noticed anything out of the ordinary. She had a hard time getting over what we went through, I think. She hasn't been in that kind of situation before.."

"Yeah, I know, it's probably nothing, Carter." He shuffled even more on his seat and shrugged noncommittally. "But Daniel and Teal'c thought it was worth mentioning to you so you could keep an eye on Doc.. and so you won't get the wrong idea if you walked in on something." The last few words came out in a rush and his cheeks turned pink. "Just in case she, you know, takes things a step further."

"A step further..?" Sam would have laughed at the expression on his face if he didn't seem so nervous about telling her. "You haven't exactly said what Janet's been doing to make you all so uncomfortable."

"She's, ah, she's been flirting. A lot. And she's been.. suggesting.. things." He shrugged and looked down, the pinkness of his cheeks darkening to red. "She tried to, well, Daniel says she tried to corner him in his office. She said something to Teal'c that made him blush and feel uncomfortable during his last appointment with her and then she said something to me about, ah.." The rest of his sentence was mumbled so she couldn't hear the words and he squirmed continuously in his seat.

"So.. She's been flirting.. and you guys thought you'd warn me in case I noticed anything strange?" She couldn't stop the small laugh from bubbling to the surface but bit her lip to keep it back. "So I wouldn't get the wrong idea if I walked in on one of her moments, for want of a better word. I appreciate the thought, Colonel, but why did you guys think it would bother me to walk in on Janet and Teal'c or Daniel or.. oh." It was Sam's turn to blush as her voice trailed off. She cleared her throat, banished the image that sprang to mind and smiled weakly. "Janet's been through an ordeal of sorts recently," she said when the silence grew too strained. "I'm sure she just needs to get it out of her system and then she'll go back to being her usual self. Although I'd be surprised if the flirting stopped, and if it had taken you guys this long to know that Janet likes teasing and flirting with you all. She told me once it was what made the job fun and why most women join the air force."

Jack looked at her then, a smirk arranging his mouth. "Did you join the air force so you could flirt with the guys, Carter?"

"That would be telling, Sir." She smiled back and forced her mind onto her laptop when the moment stretched too long, reopening it and pressing the power button. "If I notice anything strange happen with Janet, I'll let you know."

"You do that." His spirits lifted, Jack stood and left the lab, whistling tunelessly when he reached the corridor outside.

Sam shook her head and focused her eyes on the screen in front of her, unable to stop another smile spreading across her face. They were concerned because someone was acting strange? Didn't they know that strange was a part of everyday life at the SGC?

~#~

The conversation, although it amused her, stayed on her mind when she went home that night. She went to bed and had weird and disturbing dreams involving the doctor and pretty much the entire male contingent of the SGC workforce. It was almost a relief when the phone rang and woke her up.

"Hello?" She mumbled sleepily, falling back against the pillows only to sit up again when the person on the other end spoke.

"Sam?" Even muffled by the sound of sniffling, she would have recognised that voice anywhere. "Will you come and get me? Please?"

"Cassie?" Sitting up, Sam tugged the comforter away from her legs and pushed herself out of bed, gathering together some clothes even as she spoke into the phone. "Honey, what's wrong? Where are you?"

"I'm at home." Cassandra Fraiser sniffed, her voice catching on a sob. "Mom told me to move out. She said I'm holding her back and she hit me, Sam. Please come and get me. I don't want to live here anymore."

Already in the process of exchanging her pyjama bottoms for a pair of jeans, Sam wedged the phone between her ear and shoulder, one hand fastening the buttons on her jeans as the other reached for a shirt to put on over her pyjama top. "I'll be there as soon as I can," she promised, slipping one arm into the shirtsleeve. "I'm leaving now, Cassie. Go wait on the porch, okay? Wrap up warm. I'll be there soon."

She hung up before the teenager could answer, pulling the shirt on all the way and slipping her feet into the pair of sneakers next to her bedroom door. Pausing only to grab a jacket and her car keys from the little table in the hall, Sam didn't stop to think, her mind set entirely on reaching Cassandra and finding out what was going on.

~#~

Another car pulled up at the same time as hers. She stepped out onto the street and was surprised to see Colonel O'Neill and Daniel get out of the truck parked opposite her. Meeting them halfway, Sam and Daniel spoke in perfect unison: "What are you doing here?"

"Sam!" Cassandra ran up to her before she could answer, throwing her arms around the older woman as tears continued to run down her face. "Thank you for coming. Can we go now? She's really scaring me. I don't want to live with her anymore, can I life with you?"

Taking a step back, Sam put her hands on the teenager's shoulders to stem the flow of questions. "Take a deep breath," she ordered softly, "and tell me what happened."

"I told you, Mom hit me!" More tears spilled from Cassandra's eyes. "She came home and started shouting at me, telling me the house was a mess and it was all my fault. She said I'd messed up her life and everything would've been better if I never came to life with her. So I said fine, I didn't want to live here anymore, I wanted to live with you and she got really mad then, hitting me and telling me if I wanted to live with you so badly I could but to make it quick because she had a guy coming around."

Arching an eyebrow, Sam glanced at Jack and Daniel over Cassandra's shoulder. "I'm going to hazard a guess and say that's where you guys come into it. Okay. Cassie, go and wait in my car, okay? I'm going to go and talk to your Mom, let her know where you'll be."

Reluctantly, muttering under her breath about her mother, Cassandra did as she was told, slamming the door behind her. Sam jumped, momentarily startled, and turned her attention to the two men standing with her, waiting for one of them to explain why they were there.

"Janet called Jack," Daniel supplied helpfully, glancing between the two of them with what looked like nervousness. "She, ah, invited him over for a talk. About Cassie."

"So you brought Daniel as back-up?" The question was addressed to the Colonel as was the amused smile that accompanied it. "Good idea," she commented when he nodded. "You guys stay out here with Cassie, make sure she's okay. I'll go and make sure Janet's alright."

"You want some company, Carter?" Jack called out when she started towards the house. "Just in case Doc..?"

"I'll be fine, thanks, Colonel," she tossed back over her shoulder, the smile still in place.

"Shout if you need us," he responded, putting his hands in his pockets as he watched her disappear inside. "Daniel, check on Cassandra." He remained fixed to the spot, staring up at the house as the ominous feeling in his stomach increased tenfold.

After five minutes of silence, he started to get twitchy. Deciding it wouldn't hurt to move a bit closer, Jack had barely taken one step when a loud crash broke the silence, a shout from inside increasing his speed.

~#~

"Ow." Dazed, Sam gingerly touched her side and winced when her fingers came into contact with the tender flesh. There was going to be a bruise she knew. "Hardly surprising considering you went careening into the coffee table," she muttered derisively, surveying the wreckage with a frown.

The antique coffee table that had taken prided place in the centre of Janet's living room lay in pieces on the carpet, mingling with shards of glass and spilt wine that had once been a bottle and two glasses settled on top.

She tried to stand and ended up swearing when she cut her hand on a sharp edge of glass that lay on the carpet beside her. She stared at the blood on her plan, mesmerised by it. She couldn't believe Janet.. "Janet!" Looking around as the front door flew open, she spotted the doctor just a few feet away, apparently unconscious.

"Carter?" Jack was at her side in a heartbeat, easing her to her feet as he took in the destruction of the room. "What happened? You and Fraiser..?"

"We argued, I think," she murmured, shaking away the cloud of confusion in her head. "She was shouting at me, blaming me for what happened.. She pushed me and I fell over the table. I think she tripped, too, I remember her following me down. Is she okay?"

Jack reluctantly left her to stand on her own two feet, kneeling beside Janet and reaching out to check her pulse. "It's strong and steady. She's okay. We should get her to base, have her checked out. It looks like she might have hit her head, there's a bruise forming."

"She didn't mean to hurt me," Sam defended her instantly, seeing the glint in the Colonel's eyes when he glanced at the doctor – a look he usually reserved for the enemy, for people who hurt him or his team. "She was just angry, I think she's been drinking. Janet's never been taken prisoner before, Sir. She just doesn't know how to deal with it. I think maybe something more happened than she told us or she could be feeling guilty because it didn't. She said she almost wished something bad had happened because she hated thinking of everyone else going through what we did.."

"Relax, Carter, we'll get her whatever help she needs." Jack stood and nodded at Daniel when the younger man entered the room and froze at the sight of the chaos. "Carter, go take Cassandra to my place. You both need to get some sleep and she'll probably appreciate having a shoulder to cry on. Daniel, call the SGC and let them know we're bringing Doctor Fraiser in. Tell them she's unconscious and might have been drinking." He arched an eyebrow when Sam looked at him. "No arguments, Carter. Cassie needs you."

"I could just as easily take her to my place," Sam hesitated, biting down on her bottom lip. "There's no need for us to.."

"Carter." The warning not in his tone was clear. "There isn't enough room at your place for the two of you to sleep comfortably and if you go to mine, I can update you on Janet without calling and waking Cassie."

"Yes, Sir." She stared at the floor and squared her shoulders, turning on her heel and striding out of the house without another word.

Shaking his head, Jack looked once again at the mess in the living room, his gaze landing on Daniel where he knelt beside the unconscious doctor. "Let's get going."

~#~

/part seven

~#~

A bottle of whisky sat on the table in front of her, next to a tumbler that was almost empty. Sam could only stare into space and hope the liquid burning her stomach would soon take effect.

She heard the front door open and close but didn't move when the Colonel came into the room. It wasn't until he sat down beside her clutching a glass of his own that was quickly filled that she turned her head to look at him.

"How's Janet?" Her voice was rough, made husky by the tears she had shed with Cassandra earlier.

"She's stable." He downed the contents of his glass in one, setting it on the table beside hers. "Warner's running some tests but she's okay. She should wake up in a few hours. How's Cassandra?"

A shoulder rose and fell. "She's as well as can be expected. Confused, scared. It's only a matter of time before she realises it's my fault and starts hating me too."

"It's not your fault, Carter." The couch gave a small creak when he leant back against it, his shoulder brushing against hers. "I know the Tok'ra said it was but they're the bad guys so of course they'd say it was to make you feel bad. I know Doc said it was but we think she's drunk so that doesn't count, either."

"But what if they're right?" She wondered aloud, letting her head fall back against the couch. "The Tok'ra did go to all of this trouble because of me. Because of this stupid ability I don't even want. What's going to happen next? Who's going to decide it's their turn to exploit it and use it? What if the NID find out? It's putting everyone in danger, more danger than they're already in. *I'm* putting everyone close to me in danger by being here. By being in their lives."

Jack mimicked her, his eyes closing. "The Tok'ra, those Tok'ra, are back-stabbing manipulative bastards who'd be thrilled if they knew you were doubting yourself because of them. The NID haven't found out and they aren't going to. Hammond's doing everything he can to stop that from happening. As for being a danger to the rest of us, the only way you're going to get rid of us is if you walk out and we both know you're not going to do that, Carter." There was a telling pause. He waited for her to respond but nothing was forthcoming. "Carter?"

"I've thought about it," she answered slowly, her eyes remaining closed even as she sensed him looking at her. "More recently than at the beginning. Sometimes I really want to walk away from it all. I want to break away and have a normal life."

He snorted at that, rolling his eyes. "Normal? There's no such thing."

"You know what I mean." Opening her eyes, Sam warmed up the subject and twisted her head to look at him. "I want a life outside of work, I want to share that part of my life with someone. I don't want to keep waking up on my own until this war with the Goa'uld is over. I want to have it now. I'd settle for having this life and a part of normalcy if it meant I wasn't always alone. The problem is it's not going to work with someone who doesn't understand what I do every day. It's not going to work if I stay at the SGC and can't talk about my day with the guy I go home to, the one I share everything else with."

Jack stared at her for a few moments, trying to decide if she was broaching the subject he thought she was, debating with himself whether he wanted to know what her ideal solution to the problem would be. "So I guess you have a decision to make," he said eventually, his gaze still locked on hers. "Do you want to stay at the SGC or do you want to leave for a safer job you can share with someone?"

She blinked and smiled slowly. "There is another option. One I've been too afraid to explore before. I could combine the two, stay at the SGC but go home *with* someone instead of *to* someone. If he was willing, of course." She stared at him for a few moments, licking her lips as her gaze lowered to his then rose back to his eyes. She laughed softly when he gulped and let her eyes close again. "Maybe the whisky went straight to my head. I feel like I'm talking in circles, like I'm not making any sense."

Judging from the bottle on the table, Jack doubted that would be the case. He didn't think she'd had more than one glass before he'd come home. The liquid in the bottle hadn't gone down enough to cause alarm.

"I saw my mother die," Sam said softly, her voice breaking the silence between them. "My father lied to me. He said she died instantly, that she wasn't in any pain but he lied. I saw her. I *felt* it. It must have been the added effect of the machine because I've never had that before. I've seen things, felt fear and anger before but never pain. My mom was hurting so bad when she died. It felt like there was a huge weight on top of her, crushing her chest. She couldn't breathe properly; her lungs wouldn't work. She knew she was dying and it scared the hell out of her but it wasn't the fear she thought of most. It was me. Dad, Mark and me. She kept telling herself she wouldn't see us again, kept hoping we'd cope without her. She wanted Mark and me to make all the right decisions and have long and happy lives knowing she'd never be a part of it."

"She's still a part of your life, Carter." He interrupted, unable to stand seeing the pain on her face when she talked about her mother's death. "She'd be proud of you and your brother, for living the lives you are."

Her eyes opened again, trapping his gaze with hers. "But I'm not happy. I made the wrong choices somewhere along the line. She wouldn't be proud of me because I'm not proud of myself. Mark did what he wanted, he has two children he loves that I know she would've adored."

"Having children isn't everything," he murmured, wanting to comfort her even though the words hurt and brought back memories of his son. "It's great being a parent, don't get me wrong. I wouldn't change that feeling for anything but you can't have children because you think they'll instantly make you happy. That isn't a good enough reason."

"I don't think having kids will magically make me feel better but that doesn't stop me from wanting them." She smiled softly, her mind travelling back in time. "I've had visions of having children in the future. The first time I had a little boy and two little girls. It was Christmas and I was watching them open their presents. The second time I had a little girl. It was Christmas again and we were waiting for her father to come home. He made it just in time, bringing an early Christmas present for hr before we put her to bed." Her eyes found his again and held, fixing him with an open, revealing stare. "The third time was when you told me see our future instead of the Tok'ra's. I was in the park when our child ran up to me. I don't know if it was a boy or a girl but I know I was pregnant with another. Janet and Cassie were there, talking about my previous pregnancy and how something bad happened so I was nervous about doing it again. Then you joined us. I didn't see you but I know it was you, I could feel it."

Jack shifted, uncomfortably aware of how close they were and of his body's reaction to her proximity and her words. "You want children, Carter, that's obvious but.."

"You don't believe me." To his surprise, she smiled when she said it. "You probably think I'm crazy and to be totally honest I'd believe you if I hadn't seen the things I'd seen and felt the things I felt. I was happy in those visions, Sir. Happier than I think I've ever been. Is it wrong to want to be happy?" She continued before he could interrupt. "I used to think my job was everything. That it could make up for not having everything else, that fighting the Goa'uld was more important and worthwhile than spending some time on myself. It isn't though, is it? Seeing my mom die, seeing Charlie die.. Work isn't everything. It can't satisfy all of your needs and wants. Is it really bad of me to want something else to go with it? Something to keep me going till the end of the war?"

Jack swallowed the lump in his throat. "It's not wrong or bad, Carter, but.. Are you saying you want to try and balance your job with a family life? That you want to have kids straight away..?"

"No, don't look so scared." She laughed outright at the look on his face, telling herself she'd come this far and couldn't back out now because they were getting closer to some form of conclusion. Either she'd end the night feeling humiliated and awkward or she'd end it taking a leap in the direction she'd avoided going in for so long. "I don't want children right away. I want to go a little slower than that but a bit faster than it has been going." She moved then, turning so her upper body was facing him. "I want to be with you, Jack. I don't want to keep waiting for a tomorrow that might never get here."

The look on his face would have been comical under different circumstances. He gazed at her, unaware that the range of emotions he felt were being displayed on his face, bared to her eyes as she waited for a response. "Are you sure you're not over-thinking this? That you won't feel differently in the morning and want to change your mind?"

"This isn't something I just decided tonight. I've been thinking about it for a while." She pushed herself up and stood in front of him, her confidence beginning to waver. "If you want to forget we had this conversation you can. I just thought I'd let you know so you're not too surprised if I do end up leaving the SGC."

Fidgeting nervously with the buttons on her shirt, Sam stood there feeling awkward for a few seconds before deciding her evening was going to result in humiliation and she should cut her losses and make her escape before it reached the stage where she wouldn't be able to look him in the eye come morning. She had made it to the stairs when she heard him behind her, pausing in her tracks, waiting for him to speak. 'Come on, Jack. The ball is in your court now.'

He touched her elbow, sharing her hesitancy. "Are you sure you won't regret this, Carter?" His voice was so close, the whisper sounding unusually loud to her ears, the sensation of his breath warm against the back of her neck forcing her to stifle a shiver. "Because if we start this, we can't go back. There'll be consequences.."

"I'm not afraid of consequences," she whispered, all too aware of the hand on her elbow moving round to her waist.

"Good." His hand slid further, resting on her stomach. She turned her head slightly, starting when his lips descended on the side of her neck. He placed soft biting kisses against her skin before moving his mouth back around to her ear. "I won't let you regret this, Carter," he vowed roughly, his breath tickling her ear only this time she didn't repress the shiver that worked its way down her back.

She didn't know if he turned her around or if she did it herself but the next thing she was aware of was the sensation of his lips against hers, his hand tangling in her hair when she opened her mouth in acceptance. A wave of emotions crashed over them, dragging them down. Neither put up a fight, giving themselves completely, surrendering to the onslaught.

Breaking apart, Sam closed her eyes and let her forehead rest against his, her fingers idly playing with the hair at the back of his neck. Sensing he was looking at her, she opened her eyes and smiled shyly, pleased to note his breathing was as uneven as hers. She didn't say anything, deciding she'd said enough, and instead leaned forward to brush her lips against his in a soft, sweet kiss that ended before it had a chance to grow into something deeper. Turning her back to him, Sam took Jack's hand from where it rested on her waist, entwining their fingers as she led him up the stairs.

Jack took over when they reached the landing, closing the gap between them to drop a kiss on her shoulder before taking a step away, tugging on her hand so she followed. Quietly, mindful of the teenager sleeping soundly in the opposite room, Jack led Sam into his bedroom, softly closing the door behind them and drawing her back into his arms.

~#~

Sam woke feeling more relaxed and content than she had in a long time. She also woke up with her body entwined with the warm body of someone else, smiling at the sight of him. Easing out of his arms, she lay beside him for a while, enjoying the opportunity to study him in his unguarded state. Jack O'Neill was a mystery she'd only just begun to unravel and she planned to enjoy every single second of the journey although she suspected there would always be parts of him she would never discover or fully understand.

She smiled softly, staring at the relaxed expression on his face, noticing the small smile that graced his features even as he slept. She lifted a hand and reached out to trace the line of his lips with a fingertip, only to stare in fascinated horror when her hand stopped within inches of his face.

Her body refused to follow even the simplest instruction. Sam tried opening her mouth to alert him to her problem but her lips remained closed, the word reverberating uselessly around her head. As if of its own accord, her arm moved and freed her body from the sheets. Carefully, without waking her lover, Sam found herself walking through to the en-suite bathroom, grabbing her clothes on the way.

The door closed behind her and she crossed to the mirror above the sink. Her eyes travelled the length of her body, her lips curving upwards in a satisfied smile. Sam stared in morbid interest at her own reflection, gasping internally when her eyes flashed in a tell-tale way.

That was the last thing she knew for a long time, her body belonging from then on to another.

~#~

To say he was surprised to wake up alone after the night he'd had would be an understatement. He stretched his arm across the bed, expecting to encounter warm skin instead of cool sheets. Opening on eye, he frowned in consternation, staring at the empty pillow as though if he looked at it long enough it would start talking and tell him where she'd gone.

Sitting up, one glance around his room told him what he already knew: her clothes were gone and so was Sam Carter.

Concern spread over him for a moment but then he relaxed, remembering everything she'd said to him the previous night, remembering the circumstances that had led her to his house and his bed.

Janet.

"Probably visiting already," he mumbled sleepily, reluctantly leaving the warmth of his bed in favour of getting ready to face the day. He wandered around his room, getting together some clothes and headed to the bathroom, deciding he needed a shower before he could function like a normal human being.

His mind automatically turned to memories of the previous night and he grinned, reaching to turn the temperature of the shower down a notch.

Half an hour later, feeling refreshed and a little more awake, Jack found himself fixing breakfast for Cassandra, reassuring the teenager that she could stay at his place for as long as she needed and that he was sure her mom would want to her see her when she woke up.

The phone rang just as he was about to leave the house, Cassandra having left ahead of him to catch the bus to school.

"O'Neill."

"Colonel, this is Doctor Warner. I'm just ringing to let you know Doctor Fraiser woke up about five minutes ago. She's insisting she needs to talk to you, Sir."

"Me?" His eyebrow rose and his good mood started to thin. There was something not quite right with the doctor's tone, something he couldn't put his finger on. "Isn't Carter there? Won't she talk to her?"

"Major Carter left with her father before Doctor Fraiser woke up. I think she said she'd be back in a few days."

"Oh. Right." The feeling grew and his heart began to sink. Did she regret what had happened between them already? Had she wanted to put so much distance between them that she'd had to go to off world to make it happen? "Right. You can tell Fraiser I'll be there in about half an hour."

He hung up before the doctor could respond, his hand tightening around the keys in his hand so they left indents.

He should have resisted. He should have waited until morning and asked if it was still what she wanted. He took advantage of her when she was vulnerable and he'd never forgive himself for that.

When she came back he'd apologise, he promised as he drove slowly towards the SGC. When she came back he'd make everything okay again. He'd tell her they could forget about it, though he doubted the image of her in his arms would ever stop haunting his dreams. He'd give her all the space she needed and they'd hopefully make it right again.

It wasn't until much later that he began to accept that she wasn't coming back.

He was surprised to find Doctor Fraiser had a small crowd of people around her bed when he arrived. He was surprised when Doctor Warner took General Hammond and himself aside and told them he'd found evidence that she'd been host to a Goa'uld and that the back of her throat was damaged so much that talking wouldn't be possible for at least several days.

He wasn't surprised when she wrote him a message, her writing a messy scrawl as her hand shook, her eyes full of desperation.

He wasn't surprised when he read the words she'd written, crushing the note in his hand.

He wasn't surprised when the Tok'ra got in touch and told him Major Carter was gone, having disabled the Tok'ra guarding the gate and left for an unknown address.

He wasn't surprised when the words of Doctor Fraiser's note stuck in his mind and refused to leave.

'Was Goa'uld. In Sam now.'

~#~

/part eight

~#~

End of 'What Hides Within'. To be Continued in 'Out of the Ashes'

Go to Series Main Index

Send Feedback