Title: Eye of the Beholder

Author: Jo. R

Email: Jo@ram32.freeserve.co.uk

Rating: PG-13.

Category: Sam/Jack UST, Angst, Post-ep/Missing Scene for Metamorphosis.

Content Warnings: Nadda.

Season: Season 7/8

Spoilers: 'Fifth Race', '1969', '2001/2010', 'Ascension', 'Metamorphosis', 'Prophecy', 'Lifeboat', speculation on 'Heroes'. Set in mid-season seven.

Summary: What if the end of the episode isn't the end of the story?

Archive: SJD, Random Ramblings, IB – yes. Anywhere else, please ask first.

Disclaimer: Sam, Jack, Teal'c, Daniel, Jonas, Janet, Hammond and the gang aren't mine. Unfortunately. They belong to Gekko Productions, MGM, the Sci-fi channel and other members of TPTB, of which a part I am not. No copyright infringement is intended, no money is going to exchange hands much to my deep and unending displeasure. Original characters, places and descriptions are all mine. Feedback, both constructive and otherwise would be welcome at the above email address. The little mistakes and typos are here thanks to the little demon in Outlook Express, installed by Microsoft. Really. Now, does my disclaimer need a disclaimer?!

Thanks to Ruthie, Clara and Vicki for reading. Any and all mistakes are my own.

Dedicated to Ruthie: Thank you for being just the loveliest person *ever*.

To Lil Witchy, for being an absolutely fabulous Beta! *hugs*

=*=

Walking had never been so difficult before. It felt like she was dragging two rocks, each weighing a tonne, one strapped to each leg.

Who knew fear could be so heavy?

Dragging her feet, Sam forced herself to keep her eyes staring straight ahead. She wouldn't allow herself to see the pity on the faces of the passing SFs, wouldn't let herself acknowledge the sadness she knew would be there lingering in the depths of their eyes.

The SGC wouldn't end at his death but something inside it would.

Something inside her.

The small crowd gathered outside the infirmary sickened her although she knew on some level that they were grieving, too. Even the sight of her friends and her father sent the coils of disgust into a new frenzy. They were standing there, just *standing there*. Not doing anything but looking at her.

She wanted to shout, to scream, to tell them to do something, to save him.

Tell them to go away and leave her alone. Them alone.

But she knew they wouldn't leave. They wouldn't intrude, either, but she knew she wouldn't be left entirely on her own with him. They didn't trust her. Didn't know what she'd do. Knew what she'd say and probably wanted to hear it themselves.

It would be the only time she said it, after all.

The opportunity to say it under more pleasant circumstances hadn't passed them by. It hadn't had the chance to come.

She took a deep breath before walking into the room though her lungs strained and still felt empty.

Catching your breath wasn't easy when your heart was breaking.

=*=

The bright light offered no comfort; the sounds of the multiple machines beeping offered no distraction.

This was it. The end.

Even the sight of the clean, seemingly sleeping man covered by the thin infirmary sheets couldn't lift the haze she felt surround her.

To anyone who didn't know him, he looked well. Someone had taken care of him, one part of her mind dimly noticed. The beads of sweat that had formed during the night had been washed away and the cloth used had seemingly soothed him as his brow was no longer furrowed in pain or anguish.

The hallucinations had driven her from his side and she regretted that now.

They hadn't been only a temporary occurrence while his body fought the poison invading it. She knew now what they were: the beginning of the end.

He looked peaceful now. She supposed that was something to be grateful for although being grateful was the last thing on her mind.

He was dying. Soon to be dead.

Leaving them all. Forever.

"I don't understand," she mumbled mostly to herself as she approached the bed. "You were doing better.. Janet said you were going to be okay.. I don't understand how you can be dying now."

The seat beside the bed went ignored.

The majority of her night had been spent in it and she refused to sit any longer.

Sitting meant doing nothing. Sitting meant waiting. Sitting meant accepting what was going to happen.

"How can you do this to us?" She muttered, her movements becoming all the more erratic as she paced by his bed, never going too far but needing to put some distance between them. "How can you just give up?"

The words coming out of her mouth weren't the words her friends had been expecting. They weren't the ones she'd expected to say. But still they tumbled out of her mouth, increasing in anger though never increasing in volume.

"I don't understand how you can be so selfish. How you can leave us now after we've come so far. I don't know how you can turn your back on everything and just let go."

She wanted to despise him, wanted to hate him.

Pity, fear and grief did strange things to a person.

"Why aren't you fighting anymore? That's what you'd be telling me or Daniel or Teal'c to do. Fight. Never let go, never give in. Never let it win."

Her pacing came to an abrupt halt, her eyes wide as she gazed down at him.

She felt frozen, she felt numb.

"You're already gone, aren't you?" She whispered the realisation even as her hand crept away from her side and came to rest on the bed beside his. She could feel the warmth of his hand but knew it was residual warmth and nothing more. "That's why you're not fighting anymore. You left sometime in the night.. It's only the machines keeping your body alive now."

Her chest rose and fell. She inhaled and exhaled, never having known it to hurt so much.

"I'm sorry for everything I said and didn't say." Her voice was louder than a whisper but softer than a sigh. "I should have learnt my lesson when we lost Daniel but I was still afraid. Were you? I guess I didn't want to risk losing everything, didn't want to make a mistake. You felt that way, too, didn't you?"

Shaking her head, Sam found herself being grateful for the chair she'd wanted so much to avoid, sinking into it as her legs gave way.

"I don't know why I'm asking you questions. You barely replied when you were here, you're not going to answer me now, are you?" She pulled her hand back, folding them in her lap.

It was intriguing, feeling so completely numb. Feeling cut off from the world around her, feeling like a witness instead of a participant.

Her shoulders slumped dejectedly and her eyes stung but she kept the tears at bay.

She wouldn't cry over him, not yet. Not with witnesses and not so near to him.

He would've hated to see her cry.

"I wish things had been different but now I know they never will be. I wish I'd had the strength to tell you how I felt and the courage to go with you to your cabin. I'm sorry I didn't. I let us both down, just like you have now by leaving me behind."

The muffled whispers behind her of her team, the Doctor and her father grew fainter.

The machines stopped beeping.

The room started to fade away into nothingness.

'Strange,' was her last coherent thought, 'I thought this was what was supposed to happen to you.'

=*=

"Major Carter?" General George Hammond stared at her from at the top of the briefing room table. His expression was one of mild concern, his eyes questioning. "Are you okay?"

Sam stared at him for a moment, her breathing uneven, her pulse irregular. Her hands were clammy, her eyes wide and slightly wild, her mouth slightly agape.

Why was he asking her that? Why was she sitting in the briefing room?

Didn't he realise Colonel O'Neill was..

"Hey, Carter. You feeling alright?"

.. Sitting right beside her? Looking as concerned as the General?

"What.. I.. What?" Glancing from the Colonel to her teammates in turn, Sam noticed the identically concerned expressions on their faces. She shifted uneasily, grasping together her trembling hands. "What's going on?"

"You stopped in the middle of your sentence," Daniel Jackson explained from where he sat across the table. "Are you okay, Sam?"

'Asides from everyone asking me if I'm okay and somehow.. seeing.. my CO's death.. Sure! I'm peachy!' Shaking herself mentally, Sam bit her lip to keep herself from blurting out the words.

She'd been talking about her hopes for finding a substantial supply of naquada on P8X973. She remembered that. But then.. what? She'd walked to the infirmary with Doctor Janet Fraiser after having been told that despite all of the attempts made by the pretty doctor and the Tok'ra Selmac, the poison from the arrow the Colonel had been hit with was winning the war.. She remembered having spent days at his bedside with her teammates, remembered going to it one more time.. Talking to him.. And then.. it all faded away and she found herself..

.. Here.

"How long was I out of it?" She asked quietly, fixing her gaze on the General. She knew the Colonel was staring at her in an attempt at getting her attention but she couldn't look at him. Not yet. Not with the memories of losing him still fresh in her mind.

"About five minutes," Jack answered, hovering a little closer than usual. He managed to keep his voice from reflecting the worried state of his mind but couldn't stop unease from coiling itself in his stomach. "You want to go see the Doc?"

Her head turned then, her distant eyes locking momentarily with his. She gave a small nod and wordlessly pushed her chair back from the table. "With your permission, General..?" She added as an afterthought, getting to her feet at Hammond's acknowledgment and acquiescence of her request. "Thank you."

Avoiding the questions she knew they wanted to ask, Sam swiftly left the room before they had a chance. She didn't slow her pace until she was enclosed in the elevator, protected by the thick metal doors.

'What's going on?' She wondered, leaning heavily against the back wall.

The elevator slowly made its way from floor to floor, lights flashing in turn. The dim mechanical sound the only answer to her silent plea.

=*=

/prologue

=*=

How do you tell your doctor, who happens to be a really good friend, that you think you might be going crazy?

'You don't,' Sam thought wryly to herself as she sat as instructed on one of the infirmary beds as Doctor Janet Fraiser hovered over her. 'You let her come to that conclusion for you.'

"You're working too hard," Doctor Fraiser advised finally, scowling down at her friend. "You need more sleep and you need to remember to eat regularly. I'm serious, Sam," Janet continued when she caught her patient rolling her eyes. "If you don't start taking care of yourself, you're going to work yourself into an early grave."

Barely managing to suppress a shudder, Sam glanced over furtively at the other bed in the infirmary. The one she'd avoided sitting on, the one she so vividly recalled sitting beside.

"Now, are you going to tell me what your daydream was about?" Standing with her hands on her hips, Janet stared down at her, an eyebrow raised in her no-nonsense manner.

'It wasn't a dream,' she wanted to say. It was anything but.

Squirming, Sam found she had to break eye contact and glanced around the room. "It wasn't about anything in particular," she eventually lied. "I just faded out.. Thought I was somewhere else.. Then I heard my name being called and was back in the briefing room." Forcing herself to meet the doctor's scrutinising gaze, she smiled a little too brightly. "It's no big deal, Janet. I'll just make sure I get more sleep tonight and won't skip anymore meals, I promise."

"It wasn't a big deal but you still came to see me without someone having to twist your arm?" Unconvinced, Janet refused to back down and stood her ground. "You looked terrible, Sam. Like death warmed over. Your pulse was racing, your breathing irregular and you looked scared. I'm not going to buy the 'it was nothing' routine so cut the crap and don't try it."

Raising an eyebrow of her own, it was Sam's turn to stare quizzically at the doctor. "Are *you* okay, Janet? You seem.. tense."

"Tense?" Janet snorted and crossed her arms over her chest. "You'd be tense too if you knew where Cassandra was last night."

Relieved at the change of subject, Sam felt her body relax. Talking about Cassandra Fraiser, maybe even ranting about her, Sam could handle. Having to relive what she hoped was a one-off experience was something she didn't want to try handling. "I thought last night was the big slumber party at Louisa's house? Though I'm not supposed to call it a slumber party, am I? That's too immature."

"There was no slumber party, childish or otherwise. Cassandra lied." Janet's eyes narrowed in the way Sam had come to recognise meant she was seriously annoyed. "Do you want to know where my daughter was last night? Are you ready for this?"

"Probably not but you obviously need to talk about it." Sam made herself comfortable and tried to keep the smile off her face. She hated to admit it – well, not really – but she enjoyed seeing her friend get flustered over the trials and tribulations of motherhood. Not only did it give them something non-work related to talk about but it also made her feel in the smallest of measures relieved that she'd been looked over in the search for a guardian for Cassandra. "Go on, where was she?"

Janet's eyes darkened, her scowl deepening as she hugged the clipboard closer to her chest. "She was at her boyfriends," she replied, her eyes narrowing. "Not Dominic, he's apparently 'so last month.' This is a college guy, a mature young man. A creep who no doubt loiters around schools trying to pick up impressionable young girls and have his way with them."

"His way or his *wicked* way?" Sam couldn't resist asking, suppressing an amused grin. Part of her wanted to be as outraged as Janet, wanted to have words with Cassandra about the dangers of the opposite sex but.. The biggest part of her remembered that wasn't her job. Her job was to be Cassandra's coolest, calmest and most collected favourite aunt-type-person so that, in the event something bad should happen, Cassandra would always have at least one person she could depend on and talk to. Then, of course, Sam could tell Janet and act as the go-between between mother and daughter if necessary.

Besides, she told herself rationally, if she could keep Janet talking about her problems with Cassandra for a little longer, the good natured Doctor would – hopefully – forget all about the real reason behind Sam's visit to the infirmary.

Glaring at her, the petite Doctor's cheeks flushed. "I'm being serious, Sam," she retorted sharply, her hands resting on her hips. "He's a *college* guy. He has no right sniffing about my teenage daughter."

Biting her lip, Sam resisted the urge to point out Cassandra would still be a teenage when she started college and gave her friend a lopsided smile. "You could always tell the Colonel and Daniel," she suggested helpfully. "I'm sure they'd talk to the guy for you.."

"Hmm.." Her eyes momentarily lighting up, Janet paused as if to consider the idea.

"It was a joke, Janet." Sam spoke up after a few moments of silence, pushing herself up off the bed. "If you want, I'll talk to Cassie," she offered seriously. "I'll find out what's going on."

"Would you?" Her features arranging themselves in a grateful expression, Janet smiled brightly. "Thanks, Sam. I'd really appreciate it."

Returning the smile with a genuine one of her own, Sam let one shoulder rise and fall in a casual shrug. "I was thinking I'll leave now and take a few hours to relax so I'll call her when I get home."

"That's a good idea," Janet nodded approvingly. "I'll tell General Hammond I recommended you go home and have an early night."

"Thanks, Janet." Heading for the door, Sam let her shoulders slump in relief, her collected expression giving way to one of exhaustion and concern when she was sure her friend couldn't see her. "See you tomorrow."

Keeping her head down, she walked as quickly as she dared from the infirmary to the locker room, gathering her things together before making a swift detour to her lab to make sure everything was as it should be, heading for the surface keeping up the same hasty pace.

=*=

The drive home had calmed her nerves somewhat. She would have felt better if she'd ridden her bike for a few hours but the relatively slower journey in her Volvo had almost the same effect.

Curled up in the corner of the couch, having changed her BDUs for a pair of the oldest, comfiest sweats she could find, Sam held a glass of red wine in one hand and the telephone in the other.

"Hi Cass," she greeted the teenager warmly when Cassandra Fraiser answered the receiver on the other end.

"Sam!" Her tone brightening considerably, Sam could easily picture the teenager sitting cross-legged on her couch at home, her face lit up with a smile. "Did Mom tell you how unreasonable she's being? I mean, grounding me for a month! A whole *month!* Is that not the most unreasonable thing you've ever heard?"

Grinning, Sam closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the sofa, taking a leisurely sip of wine as she listened to the teenager rant about her mother. This was the side of motherhood she didn't wish for, the side she could do without. "She didn't tell me you were grounded," she said softly when Cassandra paused to breathe. "She did tell me you're seeing a college guy, though. And you spent the night with him?"

"It wasn't like *that*," Cassandra protested, the roll of her eyes easily detected in her tone. "We didn't sleep together. Well, we *slept* but that's it. You know I'm not ready for anything else."

Relief spreading through her from her stomach upwards, Sam smiled into the receiver. She sighed softly, her mind wandering as she started to get comfortable on the couch. "I'm glad to hear that, Cass. Very glad. But you're a smart kid and that's one of the things I love about you."

Cassandra snorted down the phone. "I'm *not* a kid, thank you very much. I'm almost a grown woman."

There was silence on the other end.

"Sam? You still there?"

The receiver slipped from Sam's fingers, bouncing off the couch to land on the floor. The glass of wine she was holding followed suit, falling from fingers that were numb.

=*=

She felt like she was there though she knew she couldn't be. She felt like a voyeur, watching something she had no right to witness but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't turn away.

She couldn't look away.

She couldn't wake up.

Through the pouring rain, she could see Cassandra arguing on the pavement with a young man she somehow knew was the teenager's boyfriend. She watched him reach out to her, saw Cassandra pull her arm away, an expression of hurt distrust on her face.

She wanted to move, wanted to help.

She couldn't do anything.

Cassie and her boyfriend kept arguing, their motions becoming more frantic, more jagged. Then it happened.

Cassandra turned away, the rain blinding her. She stepped off the path and into the road without checking first.

Sam saw the headlights and tried to shout, tried to scream. No sound came out. She watched in horror as the driver spotted the teenager and slammed their breaks, heard the screech of tires against the damp road and closed her eyes just seconds before hearing the telltale thud of something being hit.

Cassie.

"No," Sam murmured, her eyes screwed shut, her hands clenched into fists at her side. The scene replayed itself over and over in her head. "No, no, no, no, no. Not Cassie. Not Cassie."

Opening her eyes, she saw the driver and Cassandra's boyfriend knelt beside the prone form of the girl she loved like a daughter. The driver was on his cell phone, shouting to be heard over the rain. Cassandra's boyfriend held the teenager in his arms, sobbing, his hands rapidly turning red.

Praying to whoever would listen to make her come back. Praying that it wasn't too late.

Sam sank to her knees, her head buried in her hands, wishing she could wake up.

=*=

"Is she okay?"

"Is she breathing?"

"She doesn't look good, Mom. Is she going to be okay?"

"Shh. She's waking up. Stand back and give her some space to breathe."

A slight moan escaping her lips, Sam lifted a hand to her face, covering her eyes before she opened them. Parting her fingers slightly, she peered between them and looked up, startled to find three anxious faces looking back at her, one of which she recognised only vaguely.

Him. Cassandra's boyfriend. The one she hadn't met yet.

Cassandra pushed her boyfriend to the side and moved closer, her young eyes troubled, twisting her hands in front of her. "Are you okay, Sam?"

Wordlessly, Sam nodded and moved her hand from her face, pushing herself up as she did so. Glancing around, she was relieved to find she was still at home, half-lying, half-sitting on her couch. The glass of wine she had been hold lay on its side on the floor, the remainder of the drink standing out in stark contrast, a blood red smear on the pale cream carpet.

~ ~ ~ Blood. Pooling underneath her head, the golden blond hair rapidly changing colour.~ ~ ~

Blinking, Sam suppressed a shudder and made herself to look away, forcing the memories to the dark recess at the back of her mind where she would try to keep them held prisoner. 'What's going on? What's happening to me? First the Colonel, now Cassandra.. Who's next?'

"Sam? Sam, honey, can you hear me?" Janet was gazing at her with concerned eyes, her tone implying the question had been asked more than once. The doctor reached out and gave Sam's hand a reassuring squeeze, subconsciously providing her with a tangible link to the real world. The colour of her friends skin – pale, almost translucent – and the wild, haunted look in her eyes worried her more and more with every passing second of silence. "Sam? Talk to me."

"I'm fine, Janet." The reply was automatic and also a lie, a lie they both acknowledged.

Turning to her daughter, keeping her hand clasped tightly around Sam's, Janet managed a reassuring smile she was sure her daughter could see through. "Cassandra, why don't you and James go and get Sam a glass of cold water from the kitchen?"

'And take your time about it.'

Cassandra opened her mouth to protest but closed it again before any words could come out. The expression on her mother's face was one she knew well – and one she knew she shouldn't argue with.

Grumbling, Cassandra led her boyfriend from the living room through to the kitchen, dragging her feet as she went.

Wise to her daughters actions, Janet waited until the sound of footsteps faded and the tap in the kitchen was turned on before turning once again to her friend, her expression one of troubled concern. "What happened, Sam? I'm not buying the lack of sleep and stress excuse this time?"

Squirming, Sam debated whether to come clean and admit she was seeing things or whether running the risk of having her friends think she was crazy again was too big – and too real a possibility. "I don't know what's going on," she decided eventually, settling for a safer version of the truth. "I keep.. seeing things."

Janet stared unblinkingly. "Seeing things? Like what? Things that aren't here? Aliens..?"

"No," shaking her head, Sam chewed anxiously on her bottom lip. "More like events.. Things that haven't happened yet.. Things that hopefully won't happen."

"What kind of events?" Janet unconsciously leaned closer, her grip on Sam's hand tightening instinctively as her mind recalled the last time someone close to her claimed they were experiencing visions. "Tell me what you saw."

Lowering her gaze to their joint hands, Sam kept her voice low so Cassandra and her boyfriend couldn't eavesdrop. "I've only had two so far. One was in the briefing room this afternoon. I saw the Colonel die, Janet. He'd been hit with a poisoned arrow on a mission. I have all the memories of going on the mission, of being ambushed. I remember you telling us he was going to be okay and then having to call my Dad because the poison was fighting back.. There was nothing we could do. He died, Janet, and then I seemed to wake up and found myself in the briefing room with the guys waiting at me to finish what I was saying."

Swallowing the lump that rose in her throat, Janet could only give her friend's hand a sympathetic squeeze as the ramifications of what she'd seen sank in. Clearing her throat, she, too lowered her gaze. "What was the other vision, Sam? The other event?"

"It.. It was Cassie." It hurt to think about it, hurt to remember. "One minute we were talking on the phone.. The next I was standing in the rain, watching her have an argument with her boyfriend.. She walked out in front of a car.. I wasn't supposed to be there, Janet, it wasn't like the time before when I was saying goodbye to the Colonel, when I was actually *there*. I couldn't do anything for Cassie, I could only watch as the car hit her and she.. she.. I think she died. I felt her go and I don't ever want to feel that again."

Her voice slightly hysterical, her body trembling, Sam forced her eyes shut and did her best to block out the onslaught of memories that threatened to overtake her.

"I don't want to remember it, I don't want to see anything else." She lifted her head, her eyes just as wild as before. "I don't want to lose either of them, Janet. I don't want to be able to see whatever it is I'm seeing. I don't want to know if something bad's going to happen, not if I can't do anything to change it."

Janet took a deep breath and willed her own hands not to shake. "If.. If they're real 'visions' of future events and not something else, we'll do all we can to stop them, okay? I promise you that. But now I think we should both get back to base and get you checked out. I want to make sure you're okay. That there's nothing.. physical.. that can account for what's going on."

Her head shot up, her eyes wide as comprehension dawned. "You think I could have a tumour? Like when Jonas..?"

"I don't want to assume anything." She was careful to keep her voice gentle, doing her best to keep the worry plaguing her from being heard. "But you were the only one asides from Jonas who Nirrti.. experimented on.. I know we checked you out when you got home but there's a small chance whatever she did wasn't fixed entirely. That might explain why it's taken a while to assert itself." Pausing to calm herself down, Janet somehow managed a small smile of encouragement. "It's probably got nothing to do with a tumour but I just want to check it out. Humour me?"

"On one condition, Janet." Her face was still too pale but Sam's expression was one of determination. "We don't tell General Hammond or any of the guys until we know what's going on." She silenced whatever protests came to her friend's lips with a single look. "I don't want them thinking I'm crazy, I don't want them doubting me again. And I don't want them to worry unnecessarily if this is just a fluke and there's nothing wrong with me."

Her lips tightening into a thin white line, Janet reluctantly nodded, understanding the reasons behind the request but not liking it one bit. "Okay. We should know what's going on by tomorrow morning when your next briefing is scheduled."

"Okay." Her breath slipped between her lips in a deep sigh, her blue eyes troubled. "Let's go see what's going on."

Getting to her feet, Sam wasn't surprised to find her legs were still shaky so clutched onto her friend's arm for support as Cassandra and James re-entered the room. She listened half-heartedly as Janet wove a clever cover story for Cassandra and her boyfriend's sake, her mind spinning, her heart pounding in her chest.

She wanted to know what was happening to her but was afraid of what the answer could be.

=*=

/Part one

=*=

The night was a long one for both doctor and patient. Janet wanted to be sure she had all the information she could possibly have on what was wrong with Sam so ordered a CAT scan and EEG to try and get to the bottom of it.

Pouring over the results of the tests, she was relieved to find no evidence of a brain tumour, cancerous or otherwise, but was less than happy with what the results revealed.

Holding her notes close to her chest, Janet slowly made her way over to the bed Sam was laying on, forcing a smile when her friend looked up from the white infirmary gown she was dressed in, her eyes round with hope and anticipation.

"It's not a tumour," Janet answered the unspoken question immediately, wishing she could feel as relieved as Sam when the Major's shoulders slumped. "I did find something unusual, though, Sam. You know the normal human brain usually acts at between five and ten percent of its capacity?" Janet bit down on her lip until her friend nodded slowly, the relief she'd seen on Sam's face fade rapidly fade away. "Your brain seems to be operating at double that rate, at least twenty percent." She opened the folder she was carrying and showed her friend a print out of the EEG scan. "This section of the brain is usually associated with physic phenomena, Sam. In most people, it's dormant. Inactive. In a few rare cases, it has appeared to be active.. as it does in your case."

"Why?" Her hands kept busy by fidgeting with the thin sheet on the bed, Sam tilted her head to one side, schooling her features into a calm, thoughtful expression. "Why has it suddenly become active and how do we make it go back to normal?"

The doctor bit down on her bottom lip and clutched the folder back to her chest. "My best guess is that something Nirrti did to you wasn't corrected. Maybe something so small it went unnoticed by Eggar and by me when you come back. It's possible this has been building for a while or that this.. ability.. has been there for the last few months, lying dormant, waiting for something to trigger it."

"What could trigger it, though? Recently, what could've caused it to suddenly happen.." Her voice trailed off, her eyes growing wide as she thought back, searching her mind and settling uneasily on an answer. "The electric shock from the Talthus ship.. Ever since then, I've been having moments of déjà vu.. Nothing big. I just thought it was a sign I needed a break because everything was getting a little too predictable.."

"Predictable?" Janet found she had to fight back a small smile at Sam's choice of words. "I never thought I'd hear anyone who works here say the job was getting predictable."

Correcting herself, Sam returned the smile somewhat sheepishly. "The on-world routines," she clarified, "when the world or even the base aren't in jeopardy. I still love it but I was getting a little.. concerned.. when I could know instinctively who's going to come into my lab and what they're going to ask.." The smile slipped from her lips. "Guess it wasn't so much instinct as being able to foresee it, was it?"

"Maybe in part." All the humour she'd seen in the situation disappeared as the seriousness returned. "There's no way that I know of to reverse it, Sam. The only thing I can suggest as your doctor is that you try and control it.."

"..And that we hope it doesn't get worse," Sam finished grimly for her. She forced a somewhat weak smile. "I know you hate it, Janet. I know you hate not being able think of something to make it go away but that's okay. You can't fix everything."

Reassured in part but still wishing she could do more to help, Janet swallowed the lump in her throat and hung her head a little. "I seem to remember telling you that before and it not doing any good."

"Can we keep this to ourselves till after the next mission?" Her eyes slightly glazed, the sudden shift in conversation took them both by surprise. "There's something.. I can't explain it but I need to be there. I have to go with them."

Her medical conscience warred with the need to ease the growing desperation on her friends face. Eventually, she sighed and tightened her hold on the folder. "Okay, but after this mission, we both tell General Hammond and the rest of SG-1. You agree to let me run more tests and you bear with me while we figure out how you can control it, even if it means no more missions for a while." She fixed Sam with the sternest look she could muster. "No arguments, Sam. Letting you go on this mission is one thing. I'm not prepared as your doctor or as your friend to put you or anyone else at any further risk."

"Okay." Resisting the natural urge to argue and demand to stay on active duty, Sam sighed and nodded. "It's a deal. You let me go o the mission today, I agree to take it easy and let the others know afterwards."

As satisfied as she was going to get, Janet left the infirmary for her office, leaving Sam with instructions to get some sleep. Sam lay awake for a long time afterwards, struggling to put her finger on why she felt a driving need to accompany the other members of SG-1 to P8X973, finding it impossible to rest so close to the gurney where one of her best friends had seemingly died just hours before.

=*=

Her teammates were pleased to see her at the briefing, eve more so when Doctor Fraiser announced she was fit for Gate travel. They saw the bags under both women's eyes, noted how pale they seemed to be but none of them thought too much of it. After all, surely Doctor Fraiser wouldn't let Sam go with them if she was ill or suffering in any way.

Doubt weight heavily on her mind as she watched from the briefing room as SG-1 geared up and stood waiting at the bottom of the ramp. Janet stared down at the foursome, noticing with a heavy heart that Sam was keeping her distance, looking every bit on edge and uneasy as the doctor herself felt.

"Doctor Fraiser?" General Hammond left his office when he noticed her hovering by the window. "Is something wrong?"

Startled by his sudden appearance and by the sound of his voice, Janet gave a small jolt, her gaze flickering briefly to him before flicking back to the woman slowly making her way up the ramp, apprehension apparently making her drag her feet.

Once she reached the top of the ramp, Sam paused beside her teammates, turning to stare up at the window, her gaze locking with Janet's through the thick pane of glass.

The two women exchanged a knowing look and Sam gave her a grateful smile before stepping through the gate after her teammates.

The Stargate shut down and the voice in her head fell silent. It was too late for regrets now. Too late to change her mind.

"I hope not, General," she murmured softly in reply, her gaze still focused on the now dormant Stargate. "I certainly hope so."

Something in her stomach fluttered.

Something that felt eerily like dread.

=*=

She knew the moment she arrived through the Stargate that it was going to happen. She recognised the trees, the boulders scattered around the Stargate, the purple-red sky..

Her shoulders tensed and her knuckles grew white as recognised the vantage points the natives had used, knew where the attack would come from.

Knew she had to do something to stop it.

=*=

The ambush was a surprise, the attack one they were unprepared for. Neither were what surprised him the most.

He noticed her tense, noticed her glance around, her eyes scanning the horizon, every nerve in her body on alert. He'd just opened his mouth to ask what was wrong when the first arrow sliced through the air and whizzed between them, missing him by no more and no less than an inch.

Jack called out a warning and his teammates reacted instantly. Taking cover wherever possible, SG-1 returned fire as more and more arrows filled the air, coming from every direction.

They were surrounded.

He yelled to be heard above the sounds of gun fire and staff fire, to be heard above the shouts and calls coming from behind trees and boulders that were too close for comfort. He watched, providing cover, as Daniel darted from rock to rock, eventually reaching the DHD and dialling home. He watched as Carter keyed in their code on her GDO and gave the signal that they were okay to travel home.

He watched as Daniel dived through the gate and motioned for Teal'c and Carter to follow. He watched as his teammates edged closer, pausing behind two boulders, one on either side, to provide cover for him as he left his sanctuary to join them.

He watched in slow motion as Carter moved from behind the safety of the boulder and ran towards him in the opposite direction to the Stargate.

He felt her body connect with his, the two of them slamming painfully to the ground. He saw the arrow that was meant for him fly past them, saw it skim the material of her jacket and hoped it had missed her arm.

He watched her eyes roll back into her head as she moved onto her side a few inches away from him, her eyes closed.

Silence seemed to fall all around them. The sound of arrows faded, all weapons fire stopped.

Jack didn't know and didn't care why the natives had stopped firing at them. He pushed himself up and grabbed Carter, hoisting her up onto her feet. Teal'c joined him and slung her other arm over his shoulder and the two men backed through the Stargate and took their fallen teammate home.

=*=

The moment they stepped through the Gate, Janet was with them, making them lower her to the ramp and kneeling over Sam, her hands frantic as they searched through the material of the torn jacket.

She sighed with relief when ripping the sleeve off revealed the arrow hadn't pierced the skin and only then noticed the silence around her. Hoping to cover for her distracted state of mind, she snapped out several orders, insisting all members of SG-1 be taken to the infirmary immediately, staying on her knees beside her friend as the rest of her team prepared the stretcher.

"Wake up for me, Sam," she whispered when the other members of SG-1 had been ushered away, speaking so quietly that only the unconscious woman beside her would have been able to hear. "Don't make me regret letting you go."

She walked quickly beside the gurney after Sam was lifted onto it, her hand wrapped around her friend's wrist as she continued to call out orders, mentally keeping track of her friend's rapid pulse, praying she hadn't made a big mistake.

=*=

It was the second time in two days Sam had woken up to find several concerned faces staring down at her. She closed her eyes quickly, the blurred images only helping to increase the nausea she felt. She tried lifting a hand to her head but found she couldn't, not without the needle attached to the back of her hand tugging painfully on her skin.

"It's okay, Sam," Janet's voice was soft and more than a little relieved. "Everyone move back, okay? Give her some space."

She tried opening her eyes again when she sensed them follow the doctor's orders, blinking a couple of times till the blurred image cleared and she was able to focus on Janet's face. "What happened?"

"You passed out," Janet answered quietly, jotting down notes on her clipboard. "I ran some more tests but it doesn't look like your brain capacity's increased at all. The EEG was almost identical to the one we ran yesterday so I'm assuming you passed out when the adrenaline rush wore off." She bit her lip at the way Sam's eyes darted from her face to those of her lingering teammates. "I had to tell them, Sam." Her voice was barely louder than a whisper. "I'm sorry."

"I asked her not to tell anyone, Sir." Her gaze locked on Janet's, Sam addressed General Hammond in the strongest, clearest voice she could muster, even if it did shake a little. "If anyone should be blamed or reprimanded, it should be me."

"No one is going to be reprimanded, Major," General Hammond took a step closer to the bed, his face grave even though his words were gentle. "No one was hurt. I am curious, however, as to why you felt you had to go on this mission. Doctor Fraiser mentioned you've been experiencing visions.. Did you have one about this mission?"

Janet lowered her gaze knowingly. Sam fought back the warm flush that threatened to spread from her neck up to her hairline.

"I had a vision of sorts, Sir," she replied eventually. "I didn't know for sure it was the right mission but when we got there, I recognised the planet and knew the attack was coming. I had to be there, Sir. I had to stop something from happening." And the fact that she'd only just succeeded sent shivers down her spine. "Janet, you need to call Cassandra. Tell her to be careful.."

"I already have." Janet gave into the urge to give her hand a light squeeze before stepping away from the bed. "She promised she'd be careful."

"Good." A small nod was all Sam could manage before her eyes demanded to be closed again.

"We've contacted Jonas Quinn," Teal'c spoke up for the first time, his gaze lingering on the exhausted face of his teammate and friend. He remembered the burden the responsibility of seeing things had been on their former Kelownan teammate and didn't envy his human friend for carrying it. "We are hopeful that he will return shortly to aid you in controlling your new abilities. He studied the phenomena a great deal when he experienced something similar."

"There's still no sign of a tumour, though, right?" One eye opened a crack, staring at Janet as she waited for a response. "It's still caused by something different?"

The doctor gave her a reassuring nod. "There's no tumour, no sign of one forming. I think it's pretty safe to say what you're going through is caused by something entirely different to what Jonas went through. I'd like to start running some more tests, maybe see if you can control it at all and then we'll go from there. First of all, I'd like you to get some more rest. Do you want something to help you sleep..?"

"Yeah," the answer when it came was full of reluctance. "I think that'd be a good idea."

She listened with half an ear as Janet ushered her teammates out of the room, insisting they had to leave and could return for a visit once they'd all got some sleep. She heard General Hammond agree with the doctor and listened to the shuffling footsteps of her friends as they reluctantly left her alone.

She didn't want their company or their pity or even their concern. Sam didn't want to know what was going through their minds, she didn't want to think about how this new development would affect her relationships with the other members of her team.

As if she didn't have enough to contend with.

She'd been host to a number of different alien creatures, entities and viruses. Almost died more times than she could count on one hand, had actually died more than once..

Part of her almost wished for a tumour like Jonas Quinn had had. At least then they would know for sure what had caused her ability and how they could reverse it. At least then there'd be a chance it would be over soon.

The last thing she wanted was for something else to make her different. The last thing she wanted was to take another step away from the normal life she hadn't known she wanted until it was too far out of her grasp.

Curling up on her side, she closed her eyes tightly and prayed for a solution to come to her while she slept.

=*=

/Part two

=*=

There were people all around her, people she didn't know but who seemed to know her. Occasionally, someone would stop her and ask a question she couldn't hear. She'd answer, too, apparently as they all seemed to leave satisfied with her response.

She just wished she knew what she said.

Her feet moved her automatically, taking her outside the dark building and into the light.

Into a dusty street, more like a dirt track really, where there was even more people only these people were different. The ones inside wore dark clothes, some wore uniforms. These people were civilians, dressed in white and tan coloured tunics and loose pants. They weren't American civilians but then she was pretty sure she wasn't in America.

There were children clinging to their mothers' hands, their faces streaked with dirt, some with dried blood. There were men limping, leaning on one another, their clothes stained with blood and sweat both old and new. Buildings were crumbling and those that weren't didn't look too stable.

She recognised the cause of the destruction in a heartbeat: war.

Someone tapped her on the shoulder and she turned on her heel, weapon at the ready.

It was a good thing she seemed to be watching from someone else's body – at a distance at that – because she was sure the surprise she felt would've shown on her face if that'd been possible.

Kawalsky. Charles Kawalsky. Looking younger than she'd ever known him – and wearing the insignia of lieutenant to boot. Not to mention the contrite expression on his face at startling her.

More words were exchanged. Something serious was said as she felt the atmosphere grow tense.

Then she heard the sound of the explosion, followed by the sound of walls crumbling as the ground shook beneath her feet. Her hearing returned although after hearing the shouts and screams for help, hearing the children cry for their mothers out of fear and pain she wished for the silence again.

The cloud of dust was almost suffocating, filling her lungs and making her choke.

When it settled, she saw there were no buildings left standing and the facility she'd just left moments before was in ruins, smoke and flames rising above the charred remains of the walls, letting her know with sickening clarity just where the explosion had originated.

=*=

"Carter, wake up." The persistent hand on her shoulder kept shaking her but for once she didn't mind. She actually wanted to wake up, wanted to break free from the grip her dreams had on her. "That's it, open your eyes."

She did what the voice ordered her to do and found herself gazing up into the Colonel's concerned face, his brown eyes troubled even as he moved his hand and retook the seat by her bed. "Colonel. Sir, what are you doing here?"

"Waiting for you to wake up." He shrugged noncommittally as though the admission didn't cost him a lot. It did, though. She knew him well enough to know he'd prefer to be anywhere other than her bedside, away from anyone who could witness and misinterpret his presence and spread rumours that would start off harmless but that could turn into vicious gossip that could damage both of their careers. "I had a question for you. Have a question, but it can wait. You weren't sleeping well.. Didn't the Doc give you something to help with that?"

Sam nodded and spoke only when she thought she'd regained her composure. "Yeah, she did. But I guess it's worn off." Unwilling to dwell on the images that were thankfully fading from her memory as all nightmares should, she fixed him with a smile. "What did you want to ask me?"

If it was possible for him to look even more uncomfortable, he did. The Colonel squirmed in his seat, his fingers joint together in his lap to keep them from fidgeting. "The.. vision.. you had. About the missions.. What was it?"

His discomfort was contagious, passing onto her and spreading upwards from the pit of her stomach. "Does it really matter, Colonel?" She chose to use his title as much for security as for distance. "We all made it back in one piece. That's the only thing that should mat-"

"Was it about me?" His eyes locked with hers, the heat in them surprising her. "Did I get hit by that arrow? Was I supposed to get hit?"

"It's irrelevant, Sir." Unable to maintain eye contact, she glanced away and picked imaginary lint from the infirmary blankets. "Dwelling on what should've been, on what could've been is what drove Jonas to despair. I won't go down that path."

"If it was meant for me, you should've let me take it." His voice was as cold and hard as his gaze was when she looked up in shock. "You have no right changing that. You had no.."

"I had no right to save your life?" Her own temper snapped and flared, the heat in his gaze fuelling the heat in hers. "That's what should've happened, *Sir*, and I won't apologise for stopping it," she practically spat the words at him, sparks shooting from her eyes. "The arrow was poisonous. It wasn't a poison we could stop. Janet tried and almost succeeded but it fought back. Dad came and did everything he could short of offering you another symbiote but you still died. I sat with Daniel and Teal'c as you left us behind. You didn't even give us the chance to say goodbye and I can't put into words how angry that made me feel, how helpless.."

She allowed her voice to trail off, her hands going to her head. For several long moments, nothing was said. She held her head in her hands and tried to calm herself. He sat beside her digesting all that she'd told him.

"You still had no right." He sounded calmer but the edge was still there. He waited until she glanced up at him before continuing, holding her eyes with his. "You had no right risking your life in exchange for mine. You could've been hit just as easily, Carter. Promise me you won't do something like that again. It's not a risk worth taking."

"I can't make that promise and know I won't break it. I.. I appreciate your concern, Colonel, but it's not up to you to decide whether the risks I choose to take are worth it or not." She held her head high, determination shining on her face and almost masking how his declaration had affected her. Almost. "It's my life and my choice. I'll live the way I choose to."

"As long as you live." The air momentarily seemed to crackle, the tension filling it making it heavy and hard to breathe. Eventually, he had to look away. Eventually Jack had to reassert himself and file their conversation away with so many others that couldn't be recalled without repercussions they weren't ready to deal with. "So you had a bad dream? Want to talk about it?"

She wasn't surprised by the chance in subject. In fact, she welcomed it. "I don't remember it all," she started to explain quietly, shifting the focus of her mind onto safer though no less disturbing territory. "I was there but I wasn't. It was like I was seeing everything through someone else's eyes. People were talking to me and I could feel myself talk back but I couldn't hear anything, not until after.." Her eyes widened as image upon image cascaded through her mind, like a waterfall of violent tears. "Oh."

"Oh what?" Concern once again taking control of him, Jack leaned forward in his seat, his hand itching to take hers no matter how hard he clamped down on the urge. "Until what, Carter?"

"Until the explosion," she answered slowly. "I don't think we should continue this conversation, Colonel. I don't think it was just a bad dream."

"You think it was another vision?" He leaned even further forward, wanting – no, needing – to know what she'd seen. To help her get through it, prevent it, without it costing her life. "What did you see, Carter? What happened?"

She shook her head to dispel the images, once again picking imaginary lint from the blankets covering her. "It wasn't of something that's going to happen. I think it was something that already did happen" Her gaze briefly moved up to his and lingered there until she finished. "To you."

As he sat back in his chair, a look of confused surprise on his face, Sam slid the few remaining pieces of the puzzle into place.

She'd known he and Kawalsky had served together before the Stargate program entered their lives. She knew he'd seen so many terrible things over the course of his career, that he'd had more experience with war and the destruction it caused than he liked to admit even to himself. He had his demons and she had the strangest feeling she'd witnessed one of them.

"Tell me about it." It was an order but not one issued in his usual cool and controlled manner. His voice seemed to shake for a second, his expression showing his uncertainty at whether he wanted her to answer.

Slowly, quietly, Sam told him what he'd seen, watching his face, studying and storing in her mind his every reaction. Her heart broke for him at the horror and pain he wasn't quite quick enough to hide from her.

"So it did happen," she concluded softly, wanting to touch him and offer some comfort. Resisting because she knew it would be rejected, it wouldn't be welcome. "I'm sorry, Sir. I really am."

She was, too. He could see it briefly on her face when he dared to look at her again. Jack nodded in acknowledgement of her sympathy, her empathy and took a few moments to get the barrage of emotions surging through him under control. Guilt at surviving when so many didn't, guilt at her having seen it herself.

"I'm sorry you had to see that, Carter." He spoke stiffly, coolly, but he knew she understood. Even as it hurt her, she understood. "Do you think it was because I was here? Sitting here while you slept?"

"You're being here might have influenced what I saw," she began, choosing her words carefully. She didn't want him to start avoiding her out of fear she'd see something else he wanted to keep hidden. "But I probably would've seen something else if you hadn't been here. Maybe something bad that hasn't happened yet. I'd rather see things that have happened than things that haven't. Although I wish I could change the past as well as try to change the future," she added softly, her eyes bright when he looked back at her. "I am truly sorry, Colonel, but whatever you're feeling right now you have to know that it wasn't your fault. You couldn't have changed it or stopped it from happening."

He gave a short nod in reply and took his leave several minutes of uncomfortable silence later, making his excuses and leaving her alone with her troubled thoughts.

Whatever demons he had should stay his and his alone. That was the decision he came to after a restless hour trying to get to sleep. And he'd do whatever he had to to spare her from sharing anymore of them.

=*=

When she woke the following morning, there was another concerned though smiling face looking down on her. "Morning, Sam. The guys told me what's going on so I came as soon as I could."

"Jonas!" Sitting up, she returned the hug he bestowed upon her, unable to keep herself from smiling back. "How are you?"

"I'm good." The grin was a constant but then she was hard pressed to remember a time when it wasn't. "Things are settling down on Kelowna, war's been averted again and everyone's working peacefully on our own version of the Stargate program."

She smiled at his obvious enthusiasm, pleased to see him again. "I'm glad it's working out for you. Do you have much to do with the Stargate?"

"Not as much as I'd like to. I'm kept pretty busy with other things but it's okay, I get to use it when I want. Like now." He sat down on the edge of her bed, the grin fading just a little. "So you've been having visions? What are they like?"

Shaking her head, she inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. "I don't know how to describe them. I've had three definite ones so far and they've all been different. The first one I was me, I was there as me. The second one.. I wasn't supposed to be there at all but I was watching as me from the sidelines so to speak. In the one I had last night.." She broke off and shrugged, unsure of how much she should say. "Last night's was one of the past instead of the future like the others. And I was there but I was someone else. It was something someone else had been through."

"Really?" Intrigued as always, Jonas frowned in thought. "What about the first two? Are you sure they're future events and not past or even present events?"

"The first was a future event but it's now a past one.. I.. changed it. A little." She shrugged a shoulder uncomfortably and forced herself to concentrate on the second. "The second one hasn't happened and I hope it never does. The person involved, Cassie, has already been warned of what happened so hopefully that'll be enough to change it."

"Are they all bad visions?" His intrigue changed to concern, his grin loosing some of the excitement at being able to ask her questions and share knowledge of what she was experiencing. "Have you had any visions you'd say were positive?"

She shook her head and sighed again, wishing she could answer in the affirmative. At least then it might be worthwhile. "Not yet. They've all pretty much been ones I could live without which is why I need your help to control them."

"Then we better get started." Shifting slightly to get in a more comfortable position, Jonas gave her a slow, encouraging grin. "Try and concentrate. Focus on searching your mind for something good. Think about something – a birthday, some sort of celebration that's happening soon – and try and see what's going to happen on that day. Just one thing, don't overtax yourself by trying to see too much too soon."

Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and willed herself to concentrate. She tried to picture a day that was traditionally happy in her mind, settling on Christmas Eve, and breathed out slowly, focusing all her energy on that one day willing something good to spring to mind.

=*=

/part three

=*=

She was a child again, her eyes lit with joy as she tore the decorative paper to shreds, eager to reach what was inside. Her brother sat beside her, trying to act more grown up and mature but it was obvious he was just as determined to uncover his presents. Her parents sat together on the couch a few feet away, leaning into each other, watching their children with identical smiles on their faces.

As she stood there, a spectator in her own memory, the vision faded and was replaced by another. A more sombre Christmas Eve, one where she was alone beside the tree she'd decorated herself, wrapping presents for her father and brother, the occasional tear sliding down her cheek as she tried not to think of who was missing.

Closing her eyes, she shut the memory of her first Christmas without her mother out of her mind and tried to focus on something else. She pushed herself forward; passed all the Christmases she'd had, trying to see one that hadn't yet happened.

An excited squeal had her eyes opening again. She blinked to make sure she was seeing what she was really *seeing* and couldn't stop a small smile spreading across her face at the scene that played out before her.

One little boy sat beside a huge Christmas tree, flanked by two younger, identical little girls with wild, curly blond hair. He gazed at them proudly, dishing out there presents much in the same way she remembered her brother doing when she was a child.

A content sign escaped her as two arms wrapped themselves around her middle, the warmth of the body behind hers comforting and oddly familiar.

It started to fade before she could turn and see anymore. She could hear her name being called, her mind being summoned back to the present.

A question lingered in her mind as she opened her eyes and found herself back in the infirmary with not only Jonas Quinn but Daniel Jackson as well.

Was the vision truly one of her future or was her imagination playing tricks on her? If it was her future, could she risk changing anything else in case it affected the vision of the future she wanted now more than anything else?

=*=

Click here to go to part two of Eye of the Beholder