Title: Do What You Have to Do
Author/Email: Jo. R (Jo@ram32.freeserve.co.uk)
Rating: PG.
Season/Sequel: 8. Fifth in Light and Dark
mini-series following 'Illusions'
Category: Angst, S/J UST, Thoughts, Post-episode/missing
scene for 'Lost City pt 2'.
Spoilers: Lost City 1+2.
Summary: It's what they
have to do.
Archive: SJA, Random
Ramblings, my LJ.
Disclaimer: Surprisingly
enough, they still don't belong to me. But this mini series, although it's
reaching its conclusion, does.
For my sisters, whether
blood-related or not.
"I
know I can't be with you.
I do what I have to do.
I know I can't be with you.
I do what I have to do."
-
'Do What You Have to Do', Sarah McLachlan
=*=
He didn't know how
General Hammond did it for so long.
Watching them leave,
unable to go with them.
It wasn't just SG-1; it
was all of them. All of the teams under his command. All of the people he was
responsible for sending out there.
Unsure of the dangers
they'd face.
Unsure of how many would
return.
It weighed heavily on his
conscience, not knowing if they'd all come back. Knowing the responsibility of
informing loved ones would fall on his shoulders if they didn't.
He wasn't sure what he'd
do if SG-1 didn't come back. If he sent them out without him and they didn't
make it home again.
There'd be Jacob Carter
to inform. Cassandra Fraiser. Rya'c, Bra'tac, Ishta. Sarah Gardener. General
Hammond.
Himself.
How could he write a
condolence letter to himself and not imagine the worst?
How could he live with
the guilt of being the one who sent them to their deaths?
Daniel, his best friend.
Teal'c, his brother.
Carter…
Just Carter.
There were no words to
define her role in his life. Not yet.
Again, he wondered how
General Hammond had done it for so long.
Sending people you were
responsible for on missions they might not come back from, sending people you
cared about into conflict knowing they might die.
He sat at the top of the
briefing room table tapping his fingers lightly on the document in front of
him.
SG-1's mission briefing.
Their first since he'd
accepted his new command.
It wasn't going to be
easy, he knew that, but he had no choice but to do it.
It was what had to be
done.
What he had to do.
=*=
The locker room was
unusually quiet. There was no pre-mission chatter, no sharing of what they each
hoped to find.
No Jack to tease and
sometimes torment.
Teal'c dressed in silence
and stood, waiting for them to finish. He had confidence in Major Carter's
abilities as a leader though felt a deep sadness that O'Neill would no longer
be joining them.
If only things were
different.
If only they didn't have
to change.
Deliberately, Daniel took
his time, matching the pace set by their new leader. She was distracted and he
thought he understood why. She hadn't wanted to talk about how she'd found out
about Anubis but he could guess she'd found out at about the same time as Jack.
General O'Neill.
It was strange to think
it, let alone say it.
For seven years he'd been
the Colonel. Now he was the General. Sir. Still O'Neil to Teal'c, still Jack to
Daniel.
Still Sir to Sam.
She hadn't said a word
since arriving at the SGC that morning. Had listened quietly to the briefing,
speaking only when she was spoken to.
Jack had been concerned,
Daniel knew, but he hadn't been able to ask.
Again.
There'd been a time frame
of an hour, maybe more, when they had been able to say what they wanted.
Anything they wanted.
He wondered what they'd
said.
If they'd said anything.
Finally Sam finished
getting ready and Daniel hurried to catch up. Creating united front against the
most recent change to befall them, SG-1 left the locker room together and
walked in silence through the hallways to the gateroom.
Jack – General O'Neill –
was there to greet them.
The Stargate was engaged,
the blue horizon flickering atop the ramp.
No longer as tempting or
as wondrous as it once had been.
"SG-1, you have a
go." The words were strained, as strained as the look in his eye.
He wanted to go with
them.
Needed to go with them.
Couldn't go with them.
"Good luck and
Godspeed."
With a curt nod, her gaze
landing just to the side of his, Major Carter motioned for her team to precede
her up the ramp.
She lingered for a few
seconds. Her gaze shifted.
Blue eyes met brown.
Shared a look no one else
could understand.
Daniel saw.
Teal'c saw.
The leader of SG-1 walked
up the ramp and disappeared through the Stargate.
The commander of the SGC
watched her go. Watched them leave.
Started to wait, to count
the minutes to their return.
It wasn't what they
wanted but it was what they had to do.
=*=
"And
I have the sense to recognize
that I don't know how to let you go."
-
'Do What You Have to Do', Sarah McLachlan
Fini.